Jacen Solo. Remember him? I thought so. Remember how only this past Spring I was ranting and raving about how much I hated him like everyone else? Well this is the story of how God did something amazing in my life and forever changed the way I look at people, and how he did it though Jacen Solo.

Most people I know, myself included, are usually asleep by 2:00, but on May 14, I was wide awake. I was also crying. I was crying because I'd just finished Invincible, and Jacen was dead. I remember thinking: "What the heck is wrong with me?! I HATE Jacen!" Or at least, I was supposed to, but I couldn't help but wonder if I really believed that anymore. At one point, earlier in my EU experience, I did hate him. But as I sat there in the dark, I couldn't do it. My brain told me to rejoice! Go on and continue hating him! Jacen was dead at last! But for the first time ever, my heart told me it was wrong. I realized I was tired of hating him. Not only that, I was tired of hating everyone. I knew then, that God was speaking to me, saying one thing: Forgive. At first I almost laughed. Jacen?! He's not even real! He's a book character for crying out loud! He doesn't have feelings! It was then that I got the feeling that God was giving me a "So?" kind of look. I knew he was right. If I could love certain characters like the fangirl I am, I could certainly forgive certain other ones. So I did. At first it felt weird. Childish. But the more things I forgave him for, the better it felt. The better I felt. And soon, I had no issue with Jacen whatsoever. Sure, I still hated the things he'd done, but I had nothing against him as a person. My hatred overcome, I then turned to the other people I had problems with. Jaina. Tahiri. Even Lumiya. Before I even realized what I was doing, I took all my hatred and just let it go...

Now, my life didn't change overnight because of this experience, but it certainly did change rather rapidly, at least as far as spiritual revolutions go. Fast forward about five months, to the beginning of this past school year. I wasn't really living by the idea of forgiving people and loving them unconditionally, and I had pretty much forgotten about that night in May. Then, one day I decided to re-read Traitor. The first time I had read it, back in February, I had instantly loved it. It spoke to me like nothing ever had. Upon reading it the second time, I was able to pick out why. For those of you who haven't read Traitor, Jacen spends a period of time with other Yuuzhan Vong slaves and captives working in what is called the nursery, a place where the World Brain is prepared for its job of re-shaping Coruscant. During this time he frequently struggles with the fact that some of his fellow captives die, and he often has to choose which to save, and which to leave to their fate. While he is here, Jacen's "mentor" Vergere tells him that his role in life is that of a gardener. According to Vergere, it is a gardener's job to separate the "flowers" from the "weeds." Once the gardener has made his choice it is then his job to remove the weeds and nurture the flowers. Most importantly, the decision of which are flowers and which are weeds is entirely up to the gardener. Obviously, Vergere wasn't really talking about plants, she was talking about people. She then asks Jacen which slaves are flowers, and which are weeds. His response is the very essence of what it means to have unconditional love, to live with out hate: "There are no weeds here."

As I read that sentence for the second time, in Study Hall, I nearly dropped the book. I could almost physically hear God shouting: "That's what I've been trying to tell you! That's what you've been missing! Now do you understand why I had you forgive Jacen all those months ago?! Do you at last understand that THERE ARE NO WEEDS HERE?!" And at last I did understand. I'd always been taught that no one is an accident, that we should love each other unconditionally, that we should hate the sin and love the sinner, but for the first time I really believed it. Where minutes before I was fuming about those obnoxious freshman who dared talk while I was trying to read, It didn't bother me anymore. Where I had been worrying and stressing about school and band and homework, there was only this weird, beautiful peace. And no matter how hard I tried to find it, there was no hate. Not because of anything I did, and not because I'm a better person than anyone else -because I'm not- but because God literally took it away. And I realized that God wanted me to be a gardener for a garden in which there are no weeds.

There are people out there who think of themselves as weeds. Who think that other people are weeds. Who don't even believe in the existence of flowers anymore. All they need is some gardening. And God, the ultimate gardener, wants us to go and show those people what "there are no weeds here" really means.


IGGMY
MTFBWY
CDS