For those that are remotely interested, there have been various obstacles in my way over the past 6 weeks or so that have prevented me from nearing a computer, let alone going online and coming here. I'm not saying that things will improve, but I do now have the opportunity to magically make words appear on your screen before I have to vanish again.

So I thought I'd apparate (you like that? I've been reading Harry Potter - thats all I can do lately) a controversial look at a subject that's been bugging me ever since May 2005.

What is it?

Why has it been bugging me?

Well, thanks for asking - the subject matter this time is lightsaber duels.

Why does it bug me?

Two reasons:

Firstly: There have been a number of blogs over the last two years that rate the various duels, which is fine. The majority of them, if not all (of the ones I've read) place Obi-Wan Vs Vader in ROTS as their all-time favourite duel. That is also fine, people are entitled to their own opinions, it may be a free country wherever it is you are situated (although it certainly isn't a free blogdom!), but I strongly disagree and therefore have been meaning to do it my way, from my own point of view.

Secondly, and most importantly: The duel on Mustafar was very disappointing for me. I understand that a lot of fans rave about it but I just don't get it, in fact - I rather despise the duel.

Allow me to explain.

Before I do, let me set some parameters that have influenced my decisions. This is by no means a correct way to look at it, but it is my way of looking at it.

1. The duel does not need to contain oodles of choreography to be good. Nor does it need to be fast and furiously paced. Intensity (for me) comes from the drama, not the action.

2. John Williams' score. 'Nuff said.

3. Expectations. I've been waiting for the Mustafar duel for over twenty years. Like many fans, we were waiting for this duel more than anything else in ROTS. (Yes, this is a huge reason why I'm disappointed in it, but - I had high expectations for other duels as well)

Another point to note:

Younger fans who have not been waiting for eons like me for the Mustafar duel would not have the same expectations, and therefore, would not share the same disappointment. As I said, you are all entitled to your own opinions.

So without further ado, herewith the countdown to my bestest duel, and why:

11. Obi-Wan vs Darth Vader, Revenge of the Sith. As I already stated, I was hugely disappointed with this, one reason is explained above. Yes, it's got a little drama in it; Master versus Apprentice, brother versus brother and all that and happens right after we sadly see Vader break Padmés heart (itself a great moment - for the wrong reasons). If you've watched the documentary on the special features section "Within a Minute" you can see how much goes on in that scene. But I think they spent more time on making the lava and the facility look cool that they slipped up with the fight. I don't care much for the various forms of combat and I don't know enough to say "oh my god - Obi's using Form X" - but I simply thought the duelling was over the top. That second where they are both windmilling in front of each other without touching is hugely hilarious. If that were me, I'd have lifted my knee up into Vader's groin area. Fight over. Another thing wrong and again, boils down to expectation - was that the sabers are blue on blue. I wanted to see Vader construct a red saber, but I do realise that a red saber might have been hard to spot amongst all the lava.

Another thing I didn't like was the final stroke of Obi-Wan - severing poor Vader's limbs. From reading the novelisation of ROTJ back in the early 80s, I'd heard about Vader falling into a lava pit after a mighty duel, but to be so easily despatched here was a big disappointment. I'd have expected for Obi-Wan to use the trick Darth Maul played on him to Force-Push Vader into the lava - that to me would have been cooler.

To sum this duel up: Immensely flawed. It does however, elevate Obi-Wan and Vader's duel in ANH.

10. Obi-Wan vs Grievous, Revenge of theSith. What's with this en gardé stance with his arm outsretched and fingers pointed? Looks ridiculous, if you ask me. The whole fight improved once it went away from being a lightsaber duel.

9. Obi-Wan/Anakin vs Dooku, Attack of the Clones. This had huge potential as we know how the previous two-on-one duel went. But alas, I just didn't get the "Dooku's so powerful that he easily whupped them" message - it looked clumsy to me, and when my hopes soared as Anakin used two sabers, they went and got rid of one almost instantly. Then the rest of the duel was close ups making them look like they were dancing the Maccarena in a night club.

8. Obi-Wan/Anakin vs Dooku, Revenge of the Sith. I wasn't happy with the motion of Obi-Wan getting Force flipped by Dooku - it didn't look real enough, and the sight of Palpatine going "yes!" looked out of character. And the way Dooku was executed was silly - he could have gotten out of the way while Anakin was having a cosy chat with the Chancellor. And don't give me that "he was distracted by losing his hands and the realisation of Sith treachery" - he's supposed to be uber tough.

7. Yoda vs Count Dooku, Attack of the Clones. I was probably the only one who didn't cheer when Yoda started going Bruce Lee. I thought it was fun but I never got the message that we see "why Yoda is THE master", which is something Rick McCallum stated during production. It was okay though.

6. Yoda vs The Emperor, Revenge of the Sith. Effects laden, but still entertaining. Thankfully this one is interwoven with Obi-Wan vs Vader so I don't have to endure that one in one go. This one does show us why Yoda is THE master (but not good enough), and I defy anyone to not get a lump in your throat moments after when Yoda says "failed I have". Gets a boost because of its symbolic "death of democracy" as Sidious goes all Tazmanian Devil in the Senate chamber.

5. Mace Windu vs Darth Sidious, Revenge of the Sith. This isn't terribly good dueling - neither Jackson nor McDiarmid can wield a lightsaber very well. But, it's the fight scene where Anakin chooses sides, and how. From the line "it's treason then" to the point where yet another limb is lost - there's room for improvement. I particularly like the endless debates on whether Palpatine was faking being weak to goad Anakin to intervening or whether Mace actually did get the better of him - but that's for another time. But the duel gets a huge boost with one swish of little Ani's sword and Mace going base jumping. "What have I done?" Ouch.

4. Obi-Wan vs Darth Vader, A New Hope. Boring, action wise, but immense, dialogue wise. It's made even more profound knowing what we now know from the prequels. Was gutted when Obi-Wan did what he did. ~sniff~

3. Luke vs Darth Vader, Return of the Jedi. Actually, if you study this duel, there's not a whole lot of saber duelling - it's not overdone anyway ~coughmustafarcough~. There's more dialogue and Emperor/Vader taunting. This time, they're more evenly matched and Luke is even reluctant to fight, not like on Cloud City. Here is where we see Luke is truly a Jedi, not in Jabba's Palace or at any other time in the film and its this realisation that makes the bit where they recommence dueling all the more intense. Luke is full of fury and you almost will the screen to show Luke not falling to the Dark Side. And it just goes uphill all the time, from Luke discarding his saber (yay) to him getting the shock of his life via The Emperor (boo) to the persona-switch of Vader to Anakin (yay) that we haven't seen again until Reservoir Dogs (Mr Orange to Freddy Newandyke!).

In short, it's a rollercoaster, and worthy of third place.

2. Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan vs Darth Maul, The Phantom Menace. I read somewhere during the build-up to the film's release in '99 that we were finally going to see how the Jedi work. We'd heard for so long how the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy were supposed to be. We only had the EU to give us this insight. Then Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and Darth Maul exploded onto our screens and it was "wow". This was great choreography by Nick Gillard, I'm surprised he never replicated this feat with the other prequels.

As soon as Maul switches on both blades, you know you're in for a treat, despite the fact that the whole lot of them could have won there and then if Qui-Gon would have said "everyone open fire now!" instead of insisting that they could handle it. But where's the fun in that?

So we get Duel of the Fates going on - a fine piece of music by John Williams, probably the finest of the prequels, and it mirrors the breathtaking pace of the duel that again was not repeated on Mustafar with Battle of the Heroes. It's frenetic, it's octane and has much use of the Force from death defying falls and leaps to a super-cool way of getting in when you've lost your key, better than plunging your saber through the lock in my book.

Then we have a death which most people probably saw coming but not me, I almost yelled "nooo" more than Obi-Wan did. I can go on and on, but you all know how it ends. It's a duel of two halves. And is awesome - not a word I usually use.

1. Luke versus Vader, The Empire Strikes Back. Exploded all expectations. We all knew in the late 70s that Luke would soon be up against the man that killed his father. But wow, even before the revelation, it was a badass fight, especially as all we'd seen so far was the one on the Death Star. We all knew that Luke was no match, but we saw him hold his own for a bit, and improvising with the best use of a severed hosepipe I've ever seen. We saw flips and more use of the Force for the first time and it was good to watch as we slowly saw the evil guy getting the better of the inexperienced boy.

And it moved through different levels too (akin to the Naboo fighting), not just shuffling down a corridor or throne room, it moved to different locations, through windows, on balconys, on gantrys. All the while Williams' score keeping the hair on the back of my neck on end (sorry Battle of the Heroes, you just don't live up to this).

And just when you think it can't get any better, we find out that he's not battling the guy who killed his father. Jaw-dropping time.

And then just when you think "there's simply no way Luke's going to get out of this" - he's beaten, Vader's going to win - oh mum why did you bring me here I can't watch - Luke takes a header into the abyss. And lives. And is saved. And still gets taunted from afar. All the good guys are on the back foot. It's a topsy-turvey, no holds barred duel, containing thrills and spills like no other, containing a revelation that no one expected and will never be beaten by any movie ever again.

And that's good enought for me.

Did I miss any out? Meh, maybe Qui-Gon vs Maul on Tatooine, but it aint even close and is better in the novelisation.

Okay, so I'm open for attack now. Fire away if you so desire - I'll try and respond tomorrow but probably won't be able to until next week.