It seems to be the thing to tell about yourself here, so I figured I would follow suit. This is a blog about me and all my lightside and darkside tendencies. So maybe it is more the story of who I am compared to who I should be. I have made mention some of these in past blogs but wanted to go a little deeper.

I'll be 34 this September. I am originally from Memphis, Tn., where I lived until 2001. My wife and I moved to Colorado at this time and a year later had our wonderful little padawan. She has been an inspiration and a trial of patience all in one. She's got me wrapped around her finger in so many ways. She's also more of an extrovert and basic clown than I ever was at her age or otherwise. Being a father has given me a perspective that I couldn't have had otherwise. I for one never had a thought of time passing by as much as I do now. Every milestone she goes through is just another reminder of all the things I've yet to accomplish in my own. I've always had a bit of a lazy streak which has haunted me all of my life. I was never a great student growing up and always seemed to just slide by.

I am an artist for those who haven't read my past blogs. I being an introvert and never very popular it has always been the one thing that has caught the attention of others. I graduated from the Memphis College of Art (where my parents were also alumni) with a bachelors degree in fine art. I should have gone into illustration and graphic design since I would have been guranteed a good job upon graduation but I wanted to learn fine art and be a painter. My heros in art, though many were illustrators, were first and foremost painters. So I went into the fine art with very little hope for any real success. I don't mean to be fatalistic about that. The before mentioned lazy streak gets in my at times. I get bursts of creative energy only to fail myself over and over. My job has ended up being a low paid graphic artist and sign maker. I'll do some freelance here and there but nothing I'm just crazy about doing. Some of the jobs have been fun though. I worry sometimes of the legacy I'm leaving or rather not leaving behind. I still do my fine art off and on and think eventually I'll have the work ready for that always in the future art gallery show that will get my name out there. There are always excuses to give as to why I can't work on it today. The ever present procrastinator in me seems to always win. It is part of my darkside to overcome and it seems to be the most difficult for me. Just as Anakin wasn't the Jedi he was supposed to be, I'm not the artist I should be. Perhaps similar traits are responsible. Lack of patience, wanting to be the best instantly instead of paying my dues so to speak. While Anakin went on a mass murder spree I on the other hand tend to shut myself down and hide from myself. It is the ugly truth but I can admit to it if not anything else. As long as I still live though I'll always have the chance to bring my dreams to reality. I just have some large obstacles within myself to overcome in order to see them through. I've shown some of my work in past blogs and am not going to relink here. Feel free to look back if wish.

My spiritual side was always there I think. A story my mother likes to relate (one I have no memory of ) is that I was sitting at the table with she and my great grandmother. They were talking of another great grandmother who was in the hospital at the time when I blurted out "dead". A short time later the hospital called giving the news she had in fact died. I can also remember seeing things in the house I lived in like the torso of a man in a tuxedo walking in my room and floating to the ceiling or giant insects or even sparkles in a dark room. Never the less I spent most of my childhood sleeping in my older sister's room. This is why it is so easy for me to believe things my daughter has said as of late and also mentioned in a past blog. As I grew older my mom would tell me of psychics and reincarnation (which I just didn't understand or believe until I was in college), and many other paranormal happenings. She was the first to explain what Yoda was speaking of while teaching Luke. The force is an energy field much like auras that surround objects in our world (another thing I didn't understand until much later). I was also raised southern baptist. This had a tight hold on me until I started reexploring what my mom told me so long ago and then going beyond that. A good friend of mine also had a hand in my emergent beliefs. He was an atheist though he became emersed in Native American earth philosophy. All along he'd pushed me to question what had been taught me by the church. To "Unlearn what I had learned" and think about why I thought the way I did. It didn't detract from what I believed, though there were some things that just didn't hold up to scrutiny. In my studies there were core priciples that seemed common to all and became stronger for it. These were very much similar to Lucas' concept of the Force.

I suppose it was inevitable for me to split from the church. I had been more and more detached from it because of all the politics I saw surrounding not only my own church but many others as well. After a long time of going through the motions I walked away from organized religion never to return. I traded it for meditation and dream interpretation in order to find God within myself. The closest thing to any religion I am a part of is the A.R.E. Association for Research and Enlightenment, an organization founded by the psychic Edgar Cayce. It isn't any more a religious organization than the Star Wars Fan Club is. It puts out a magazine four times a year and you get discounts on books and siminars that come through. Since the real journey is inside yourself there is no need for intermediaries to God. I do however leave myself open to the possibilities of new truths if they come my way. As in other aspects of my life I have a harder time putting some things into practice but the belief is there none the less. My mother has often said I sound a lot like my grandfather who brought the new age thought into the family in the first place. He gave a lot predictions about me that are hard to live up to. I may never do more than pass on my thoughts to my padawan. This in and of itself is a noble purpose to life and could think of worse things to do with my life.

Star Wars came to me in 1977. I had already been a fan of Sci-fi and space travel in general. I wanted to be an astronaut growing up. Though the practicallity of this faded as I got older, I have never lost my love for the romanticism of it all. Star Wars dominated my childhood and faded as I got older. Then Lucas brought it back in the 90's and I haven't let go since.

This brings me to my wife who puts up with my devotion to Star Wars but I know would like some aspects of it to go away. We met in high school. We went to different schools but her cousin was a friend of mine and when we had started working at the same grocery store, played matchmaker. She says that she fell in love with me when I sudden rain storm came on as I was on the other side of the parking lot. I was soaked by the time I got in the building. I started bagging at her register and she thought I was so cute looking like a wet puppy dog. She says she knew at that point she would marry me someday. I asked her out for the first time several months later. We dated for four years before we married in 1994. We've been together since and will probably be so for the rest of our lives. Almost three years ago we had our first padawan, whom I have started to pass on my love of Star Wars.

Here are some pictures of the Gold5 family.
Me my wife and padawan
my padawans favorite character
Learning her lightsaber technique
learning to fly an x-wing
confronting the Dark Lord of the Sith
how do they get these in here?
for the ladies of LILWA
My lovely wife, Mrs. Gold5

You now know more than you cared to I'm sure, and probably a bit more than I should have told. Take from it what you will. I probably lost many to boredom after the second paragraph anyway. Some probably just thought I am a total wack job and stopped reading. But there I am for everyone to see just the same. I can be completely serious at times then be just the opposite as some can attest to from my comments on their blogs. I tend to lean to the quirky goofball side when I get comfortable around people. See ya around the blogs!