"I'm sorry, but can you repeat that stupid question again, you moron?" Ah, sometimes you just gotta love the stupidity of the legal world.

Poking fun of the legal profession is the next best thing to sliced pizza. You ask, "Why, Mina, why?" Because I want to and I love poking fun of a profession I work in. It's a big legal universe to poke fun of too. I could probably do another 50 blogs about stupid lawyer jokes, but I won't, 'cause I like spice in my blogs. And you probably would get bored from the redundancy. This blog was actually inspired by jkelly. Thanks buddy, for getting me off my butt to poke fun at our slice of the legal world.

I searched the net and discovered 30 questions that were actually used in a Court of Law. These are not your typical run of the mill legal questions folks. Nooooooooooo...These are "special" questions used in a Court of Law, by lawyers, while questioning witnesses.

So, sit back, sip some coffee, tea or whatever and enjoy the irony or stupidity of it all.


Question 1:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Question 2:

Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Question 3:

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?

Question 4:

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years

Question 5:

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Question 6:

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Question 7:

Q: Sir, What is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Question 8:

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Question 9:

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in "Moose" voodoo or the "Sith" occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.

Question 10:

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were you red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Question 11:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Question 12:

Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?

Question 13:

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Question 14:

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Question 15:

Q: Did he kill you?

Question 16:

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

Question 17:

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Question 18:

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Question 19:

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at the time?

Question 20:

Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: none.
Q: Were there any girls?

Question 21:

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Question 22:

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Question 23:

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Question 24:

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Question 25:

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?

Question 26:

Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Question 27:

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral

Question 28:

Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Question 29:

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Question 30:

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.