You wanted it, you got it. The NEVER Parenthood list. Remember, I don't have kids, but my imagination prevailed. I must give special thanks to the following Hyperspace Members and non-Hyperspace Members that inspired me to do this:

amidalooine
darthgenious7
Michelle1968
Master Andy Luke Skywalker
Ewanandhydenfan5

And a special thanks to a dear friend of mine that helped me put this list together. You guys rock.

ENJOY!

I will never give my baby a pacifier: Gee, my daughter ended up with hers until the ripe ol' age of four.

I will never bottle feed my new born: "OUCH...Hey bozo of a husband, take your useless butt down to the grocery store and buy some formula, NOW. Or you will be sleeping outside with the dog."

I will never let my kids watch Barney: Your kids break out singing the Barney theme song..."I love you, you love me..." You walk over to the stereo and crank up the volume to the John William's soundtrack of Star Wars. You become one with the Force.

I will never let my kids eat junk food: "I don't feel like cooking...Anyone for McDonald's, pizza, Taco Bell?"

I will never let my kid dress as Darth Vader for Halloween: You buy the Darth Vader costume because you think it is cute. You find yourself telling your kid to say "trick or treat", not "who's your daddy now".

I will never let my kids have chocolate: "Mmmmm...No food in the house. Who wants a Snickers bar?"

I will never use the TV as a babysitter: "Yes, honey, you can watch another SW Episode while I type these stupid "never" statements for Jedi Mina.

I will never buy a house next door to my parents: Yo, built in babysitters right next door...Duh, duh!!

I will never drive a mini-van: I think I forgot to gas up the Odyssey this morning..."Honey, did you gas up the Odyssey?"

I will never be impatient: "I said to go and watch another Star Wars Episode while I type these "never" statements...LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I will never shout at my kids: Duh...(see "I will never be impatient")

My kid will never be deficient in school: You attend a parent/teacher conference and discover from the teacher that your kid is below average. You stand up, face the teacher and state the following: "Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?" Translation: "Are you looking for a smack in the face, mate?"

My kids will never become nerds: Whoops to late. Your kids are Hyperspace Members.

I will never buy my kids an FX Lightsaber: You don't have to. You find out that your girlfriend owns three. You invite her over to your Christmas party and she, along with her lightsabers, becomes a big hit and instant babysitter. The next day your kids ask..."Mom, can Aunty Jedi Mina come to my birthday party? And can she bring her lightsabers? Does she have any other Star Wars toys?"

I will never let my kids have a TV in their room: You buy your kids a TV for their room so you can designate the family TV as the official Holocron. You wait to receive orders from the Jedi Council.

I will never let my teenagers watch the Exorcist: At a slumber party, you watch the Exorcist (original version) with your teenagers. The teenagers think Linda Blair (Actress) is the next Dark Lady of the Sith. While you, have nightmares of this for the next 6 months.

I will never let my kids have pets: You buy a goldfish and Beta fish, hoping to not get trapped into buying a dog or cat. You discover that your kids decided to execute Order 66 by throwing Darth Beta into the goldfish tank.

I will never let my kids go to a movie on a school night: Exception - They may go to a movie on a school night if the movie is a Lucasfilm production.

I will never let my kids' watch more than one Disney movie a day: Exception - They may watch more than one Disney movie a day so long as it is affiliated with a Lucasfilm production.

As a parent, I will NEVER say any of the following statements...EVER:
I'VE HAD IT!
STOP MESSING UP THE CUSHIONS!
YOU GUYS ARE DRIVING ME UP A WALL!
If your friends jump off a bridge are you going as well?
THAT'S IT. YOU ARE GROUNDED!
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Did you brush your teeth, wash your face and clean your ears?
What did you eat for lunch?
EAT IT OR WEAR IT.
Don't make that face. Your face will freeze like that.
I will NEVER treat my kids that way.
Don't swallow cherry seeds. A cherry tree will grow in your stomach.
If you cross your eyes, they will stay that way.
I will NEVER be as strict as my parents.
I had to walk 20 miles in the snow to school.
Don't argue with me. I'm always right!
This discussion is not open for negotiation.
BECAUSE I SAID SO...