When I was growing up I could hardly be called one of the cool kids. I was very shy... still am, sorta.... and I did not know how to fit in at all. I could never really get the right thing to say, to do, or to have. I did have the unconditional love of my parents, of course, and I had some very close friends... and as of May 1977 I had Star Wars. I didn't realize it back then, but my love for this extraordinary saga would eventually lead me to be part of the coolest group of "kids" around..... but I'm leaping ahead here, so let me go back a bit.

Grade school was torture at times. Since I was shy, I was an easy target for the class bully whose sole mission in life was my misery. It did not help that he lived right across the street from me, either. My Mom said he had "problems" so i wasn't to pay him any mind. O-K..... easier said than done Mom... but I got her point. I ignored him as much as humanly possible and he did begin to lay off me somewhat. I even became friends with his younger sister and was able to hang out with her at their house. Now, I did bring SW figures over to her house along with the movie soundtrack to TESB (on vinyl.... I'm soooo dating myself with this entry! ) and while he never played with us, I wonder if his view of me had changed because I liked Star Wars.... I do know that he was a fan, like every boy his age at that time. Female fans seemed scarce so maybe I wasn't as big a loser as he first thought. I dunno. After grade school my family moved away and I didn't see him again until my Sweet 16 surprise birthday party. My Mom and my best friend threw me a party that was also a class reunion of sorts and he was there. To my astonishment, he apologized for all the grief he had ever caused me when we were kids. Quite an impressive feat for a 16 year old guy! At the time, I was in my SW denial mode because I was trying to fit in with the girls in high school and they just liked music... Duran Duran, Michael Jackson (pre-mutilation).... and Matt Dillon. Yes, Matt Dillon was HUGE with the girls in my school. This was right before Tom Cruise hit it big with some movie that escapes me right now (as an aside, I only really liked U2 and could not stand Matt Dillon.... and Duran Duran was pretty cool....). Anyway, I never did get to have a conversation with him about SW, so I'll never know if that is what softened him when it came to me... but I've always thought it might have had something to do with it.

In high school, I did the best I could to fit in and I had some measure of success because I ended up being friends with the most popular girls and with some of the most unpopular girls (I went to an all girls Catholic school, btw). I joined in many after school clubs and went to Europe with classmates in my junior year. I fell comfortably in the middle. Star Wars was not really on my radar at that time. The movies, as far as anyone knew, were done and the Dark Times had commenced...

I continued in the same vein during my college stint. I fell into both categories... although my coolness factor was helped somewhat by the fact that I was a DJ on my college radio station. That's what I wanted to do with my life at the time. I was in college learning to be a DJ.

I have to admit, from time to time, snippets of the SW theme found their way into my repertoire.....

I left college without graduating... not such a cool thing to do, I know. I became a bookstore manager, which was kinda cool... I know my friends thought it was cool. About, oh, maybe two years into my illustrious career the first Star Wars book in ages was released. Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn was an instant bestseller and one would think that I jumped at the chance to read it. Well, one would be wrong. I hesitated. I confess, I didn't want to be seen as a "geek."

Several weeks after it came out, I was going to be taking a week off to lay in the sun all day everyday (I thought that was cool at the time.... now I know there is nothing cool about skin cancer, so I'm proud of my pale Irish complexion. ) and I would need a book to read. I figured "hey, no one will see me..." so I picked up the new SW book. I was done for.... so much for being cool. I was set on the path to certain geekdom. It was a slow journey at first. Only the new books were readily available. You couldn't find a SW toy or poster or trading card anywhere. I was safe. i could keep my reawakening a secret. No one would ever have to know i was reading Star Wars novels! One of the guys I worked with at the bookstore was on his way to becoming a teacher and he gave me all kinds of books to read... and I dutifully read them... all manner of Generation X literature. I would discuss them with him over dinners and such and he was really happy to share all that with me (God bless him) ... I was sooo cool! Then I would go home and get out my stash of SW books, all dog eared and creased spines and sigh a happy sigh of relief. I grew more and more in love with Luke and I longed for more adventures with Han in the Falcon!! I didn't want all the sulky crap (yes, crap!) I was pretending to enjoy. But, I didn't want to be odd man out again. I wanted acceptance and that meant I had to conform to what those around me enjoyed.

How young and stupid I was!

In no time at all, 1997 rolled around and the floodgates opened for me. I ventured into a darkened movie theater, by myself, to witness the return of Star Wars to the big screen. I went back three days in a row. After the second showing I decided to stop at Target on my way home just to take a peek and see if they had, by any chance, some SW merchandise. Wow! Did they! I went home with a nice little collection of various items.... and over the next 10 years (!!!!) that nice little collection has taken over my home.

I read more novels, bought comics (met my best friend, Sue... she worked at the comic book shop.... she's a geek, too!), got action figures, discovered eBay, wrote a fan letter to Mark Hamill... and got two responses! Before I knew what was happening, I was full on GEEK. I couldn't possibly hide any of this from my friends and co-workers, so they gradually became aware of my growing obsession. However, none of them shared my enthusiasm. All those years trying to fit in and I was once again the dorky kid on the outside.

But then, something wonderful happened. Star Wars.com started up Hyperspace and shortly after that they started up the blogs. I dithered back and forth about joining in.... I lurked for a good while, just to see what sorts of people would show up on a SW blog. Surely, they'd all be weirdoes! Most seemed normal enough... by my standards. I took a chance and dove in and you know what happened??? Over the last year or so I have met the nicest folks possible. I've become part of a group of very intelligent, thoughtful, friendly, affectionate, passionate people. I feel I've been blessed, I honestly do. My love for Star Wars has come full circle.

I am one Geek among many... and nothing could be Cooler!