I figured something must happen to the holocron by the end. I'm usually not that into fanfic, but I really enjoyed your screenplay. It's probably only a matter of time before an official account of the story is told, and I'm sure a lot of your basic ideas will be there. It'll be a testament to your creativity and understanding of the saga. I remember that the first Timothy Zahn novels were a lot like the post-ROTJ adventures I made up with my action figures.

I forgot to mention that I really liked your dialogue. There were a few points where as I read it seemed awkward, but I imagined it actually being spoken and realized it was very faithful to GL dialogue. Also similar to GL is how characters will say things very close to what different characters say in other films (compare Marzan's comments to Warren just before the rioting starts with Yoda's comments to Mace and Obi-Wan in the Jedi temple in AOTC). Bravo, Corterville! Bravo!

I'm usually not that into fanfic, but I really enjoyed your screenplay.
Thanks a million. That means a lot to me.

It's probably only a matter of time before an official account of the story is told, and I'm sure a lot of your basic ideas will be there.
That Wookieepedia entry on Darth Plagueis follows very closely to R2R, so you're probably right.

I forgot to mention that I really liked your dialogue. There were a few points where as I read it seemed awkward,
Yeah, I agree. This is essentially the first draft. Well, technically the second, but the first was handwritten on copy paper while I was working at a cage cashier at Argosy Casino (which is a big no- no, but I didn't get into any trouble). How I managed to write anything amidst that racket is beyond me! LOL. Maybe someday I'll go back and fix up the dialogue, and do some other editing.

Woo hoo!!! Totally sweet.

I really liked how the fights went. Did you mean to make them similar to some of the big fights in the movies? It may just be me reading into it. I agree with rickgelz, it feels like it fits in with the movies.

I think I may re-read them straight through sometime.

Did you mean to make them similar to some of the big fights in the movies?
Yes and no. The final battle is based mostly on the Battle of the Heroes...but I wanted it to be a no holds barred fight due to the nature of the Sith-hence the chair throwing, etc.

Aaah! I'm running soooo late today...

I won't get to read this until I get back home on Sunday. Sorry!

Can't wait, though!!

Good job!!!! Gonna miss reading more, but oh well. Had to end sometime. Really tied in with the prequel trilogy. Kudos!!!

vadersgirl33

won't get to read this until I get back home on Sunday. Sorry!
That's Ok. They will still be there LOL

Good job!!!! Gonna miss reading more, but oh well. Had to end sometime. Really tied in with the prequel trilogy. Kudos!!!
Many thanks.

OK, I finally got here! Haha!

The fight was great. (I was kinda wondering where the "killed him in his sleep" part would come in.)

Even though it seems like a lot extra to get through before you get to the meat of the story, I like the detailed directions for shots, etc. It helps me remember that this is a screen play, not just fan fiction. It reminds me to imagine the dialogue being spoken. Sometimes it's a choppy read (if that makes any sense!), but it would sound better spoken out loud, I think.

Great job!!!!!!

Very nice! I was wondering when Maul was going to pop out! And I love that bit with Shmi at the end!

Sometimes it's a choppy read (if that makes any sense!)
It makes perfect sense. As I was writing, I would imagine pauses in the dialogue. That doesn't translate well onto paper, though LOL

And I love that bit with Shmi at the end!
She is the true tragic figure of the PT

I just finished. Great story.

Your take on many of the characters and the back story was quite interesting.

The Skywalker ancestry is certainly more complex this way. I thought Plageuis' recognition of Palpatine's eventual success was a nice touch. I also thought the dialogue tended to match that which George Lucas would write. There were some great lines and some wooden dialogue.

Well done.

There were some great lines and some wooden dialogue.
Only in a SW screenplay could this be taken as a compliment