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 | The Star Wars Holiday Special Is The Dark Side |
 Every November 17, my friend Alex Newborn sends out an e-mail reminding everyone that today in 1978, television gave us the miracle that is the Star Wars Holiday Special. The miracle, really, is that your brain doesn't turn to mush after sitting through it. Or maybe it does, I don't know.
The first time I heard about the Holiday Special was pretty late in the game, some time around 1998 through the SWFA. Of course, who could believe warnings about how bad the telefilm was? We're talking a whole new movie (I use that word in the loosest possible sense) with all the original heroes and actors from Star Wars! A buddy agreed to show me his VHS copy. But before sending it, he prefaced it with this: "Remember, there's no going back. Are you sure you want to watch it?"
His oddly sincere tone took me by surprise, and was in fact slightly chilling. But I was not to be deterred.
Ha ha! and LOL, I answered back! I could only construe his warning as a joke.
But folks who have seen the Holiday Special know better. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny: folks who have seen the Special know all too well what Yoda meant by those words.
You think I'm joking! Here lies the dilemma of the initiator. It's impossible to communicate the gravity of the threat to your happiness that the Holiday Special represents. How can you take me seriously? It's just a movie, you say. Was Star Wars: A New Hope just a movie? Trust me when I say that the Japanese were clearly inspired to create Ringu as a warning and collective exorcism after the Holiday Special infected that country's unsuspecting citizenry!***
It's impossible to like the Special. The Holiday Special is not one of those movies that is "so bad, it's good." Far, far away from it. A person may like certain parts of it, certainly. I'm partial to the survival of that coward Chief Bast and watching Harrison Ford put on one more Han performance, no matter how labored. And everyone loves the Boba Fett cartoon. But it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it! Oh god...
No one, no one can enjoy the Holiday Special. Not most of it, half of it, or any quantity that amounts to advantageous using any known system of value. Defying our last biological bastion against misery, it cannot even be enjoyed on scales of absurdity or irony for long.
The Star Wars Holiday Special IS the Dark Side. You begin watching it, slowly drawn in by the quaintness of its mediocrity. And you're waiting, waiting patiently for it to get better ... only it gets worse. Lameness apparently compounds geometrically; soon you crave only a glimpse of satisfaction, anything to ease the mounting pain--a light at the end of the tunnel!
But this is the death of hope.
When you finally shut off your VCR or DVD player or, god forbid, you make it to the end of the Special, you realize that you've lost your soul in direct proportion to the time you've spent viewing this monsterpiece.
The Star Wars Holiday Special IS the Dark Side. And nothing, nothing can prepare you.
Join us, young Padawan. It is your destiny. ~ Abel G. Peña
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For those depraved individuals who have already lost their souls to the Special, please check out Alex Newborn's "The Star Wars Holiday Special Fanboy Edition" editorial for one of the funniest things you'll ever read. Also check out www.starwarsholidayspecial.com to relive this hell in true Dantesque fashion.
***As proof, we have the fact that the Japanese-published Star Wars Chronicles was among the first and few officially licensed books to acknowledge the Holiday Special.
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DarthVicomte
Vicomte's Blog Extravaganza (Now Defunct)
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date Posted: Nov 17, 2005 2:34 PM
Now that I have stopped chuckling form the previous comment, I can comment myself.
I have recently acquired the special on DVD, although the case was cracked, but, what do you expect from the smugglers and brigands of copyright laws? Not much, I suppose.
Anyway, I lasted up to the "show" with Bea Arthur in her business and the weird guy with the hole in his head, partly because my cable bill was forgotten (not my fault, I don't pay the bills) and the cable was shut off. I am currently debating whether or not I should subject myself to the rest...............After all, it can't get much worse(I hope).
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Darth Rex0
So be it....
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date Posted: Nov 17, 2005 2:37 PM
Too late indeed. I tried to describe to someone how awful it was and I told him to forget that he ever heard the words "Star Wars Holiday Special" at all. I even tried to Jedi mind trick him, it didn't work. I finally showed it to him. After getting him out of intesive care he finally mouthed (he couldn't talk due to the tubes in his mouth) that "you were right, you were right about the holiday special. Tell my family....you were right". Seriously, you fool yourself into thinking it was worth it for the Bobba Fett cartoon, but if you just watch the cartoon, its awful too.
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Lord Scourge
Sith Massassi Temple
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date Posted: Nov 17, 2005 9:05 PM
Halagad, while I appreciate your comments on many topics, I have to utterly defy you on this one...
I delight in the Holiday Special. It is the greatest examples of "so bad it's hilarious". Nothing compares with its exquisite horrible badness, not even Ed Wood movies.
My Sith apprentice (a young costumer following in my footsteps) said he was prepared for any Dark Side power I could introduce him to - I sat him down and had him watch the Star Wars Holiday Special (my copy is DIVX). After fifteen minutes of incessant wookiee howling, he was begging for mercy.
You are correct, this horrible wonder is purely of the Dark Side, but you forget how much some of us revel in the power of the Dark Side.
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NerfHerdersAnonymous
Life, the Star Wars Universe and Everything
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 2:16 AM
Which reminds me...
If evil has a campy, doofus side it's Donnie and Marie's take on Star Wars for their variety show in 1977. Is this where SWHS came from?!
Their segment starred Donnie (Luke), Marie (Leia), Redd Foxx (Obi-Ben), Paul Lynde (Imperial Officer), Thurl Ravenscroft (voice of Darth Vader...and Tony the Tiger), Kris Kristofferson (Han), Anthony Daniels (C3PO), Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) and dancing and singing Stormtroopers.
Listen to bits HERE.
See pics HERE
We might get a chance to see this in it's entirety.  Lucky us.
LM
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JediMasterPickles
Slowly Turning To The Dark Side!
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 3:09 AM
I feel almost saddened that the 'special' (if you can call it special) is granted the title of 'Dark Side', In my experience the dark side and everyone who subscribes to its virtues are actually quite cool!
lets call a spade 'a spade' its just plain crap
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≈Suzanne≈
Not many Bothans died to bring us this Blog...
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 5:16 AM
I've had this sitting on my computer for the past year or so, but never got more than 10-15 minutes into it. Reading this blog inspired me to go back and sit it out.
I made it to I hour 13 mins before my son took over the computer - I suppose I'll watch the rest tomorrow.
It was a truly unbelievable experience.
How could they have made it? Why didn't anyone at some stage during the production say, well, this isn't quite, well, watchable.
Thanks for Alex Newborn's link ... that was hilarious. 
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Darth Rex0
So be it....
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 6:31 AM
Lord Scourge, please don't instill hope in people who have never seen it. It truly deserves not to be seen in my humble opinioun.
Nerfherdersanoymous, you may have just topped the HS with that link. Whoa, I didn't know that existed. Thanks for the link.....I think.
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Rainbow Droideka
Aren't you a little short for an egg?
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 6:41 AM
Scourge isn't alone. A relative of mine once asked me if I knew where you could get the special, after having purportedly called Lucasfilm asking if it had been released on video and being disappointed with the news that there were no such plans.
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The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 9:35 AM
In all my years, I have successfully avoided viewing the contents of the Dark Side Holidaycron.
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Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 11:19 AM
If evil has a campy, doofus side it's Donnie and Marie's take on Star Wars for their variety show in 1977.
I have Mr. Newborn to thank for introducing me to that one too. 
...oh boy. Replace "it's" with "its" please.
And if I refuse?
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Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 11:24 AM
In my experience the dark side and everyone who subscribes to its virtues are actually quite cool!
Which is the power of the dark side. Note how anyone who subscribes to the Holiday Special also thinks its cool.
I've had this sitting on my computer for the past year or so, but never got more than 10-15 minutes into it. Reading this blog inspired me to go back and sit it out.
My apologies, ¡ÖSuzanne¡Ö.
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Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
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date Posted: Nov 18, 2005 11:32 AM
A relative of mine once asked me if I knew where you could get the special, after having purportedly called Lucasfilm asking if it had been released on video and being disappointed with the news that there were no such plans.
I didn't know they let patients make calls from the insane asylum.
Way back when, I remember writing LFL a nice little note requesting that the deleted Biggs scenes be reinstated into the upcoming special editions. I received a nice refusal and a neat reflective bookmark which I have to this day.
In all my years, I have successfully avoided viewing the contents of the Dark Side Holidaycron.
With a name like Dark Moose, it's only a matter of time.
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Rainbow Droideka
Aren't you a little short for an egg?
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date Posted: Nov 19, 2005 5:22 AM
I didn't know they let patients make calls from the insane asylum.
Hehehe. I'm going to tell her you said that...(well, maybe).
Way back when, I remember writing LFL a nice little note requesting that the deleted Biggs scenes be reinstated into the upcoming special editions. I received a nice refusal and a neat reflective bookmark which I have to this day.
Nice! I imagine if they wanted they could give out a hell of a reflective bookmark to each person who asked about the Holiday Special - unit cost would be no object, since they would only have to order like three of them.
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Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
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date Posted: Nov 19, 2005 10:57 AM
After all, it can't get much worse(I hope).
Famous last words, DV.
Hehehe. I'm going to tell her you said that...(well, maybe).
 (I've always wanted to use that emoticon).
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Lord Scourge
Sith Massassi Temple
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date Posted: Nov 21, 2005 5:04 PM
You truly are evil.
Thank you, Halagad, that really means something coming from you ![]:)](http://blogs.starwars.com/share/img/emoticons/devil.gif)
and Darth Rex0:
Lord Scourge, please don't instill hope in people who have never seen it.
The only people I think I'd be instilling hope into, would be those who can watch an uninterrupted Ed Wood marathon and say, "That's it? Can't anyone make something worse[/i}?" ...or maybe someone who knows all the dialog from "Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell" would think of my comments as hopeful...
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Darth Vader
Meditation Chamber
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date Posted: Nov 24, 2005 5:08 PM
"Remember, there's no going back. Are you sure you want to watch it?"
People told me that. Did I listen? Neeeeeeeoooouuuuuu!
I HAD to watch it myself. (1st mistake)
I kept watching, hopig it'd get better at some point, it had to... (Second mistake)
I watched all the way through! (And that was not a 3rd mistake, that was me being just plain stupid)
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Darth Vader
Meditation Chamber
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date Posted: Nov 24, 2005 5:08 PM
I hated myself for being so darn curious. Heck I didn't even like the Boba Fett cartoon! I saw if for the first time about 2-3 years ago, and I never thought I could possibly dislike something SW related more than Mr. Binks.
Like Ol' Ben, I was wrong
Next to the HS, Jar Jar is friggin' Vito Corleone! 
And for some reason, the HS file, is STILL in my HD. Don't ask why, I couldn't tell.
*sigh*
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jkthunder
Seven Pieces
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date Posted: Nov 25, 2005 6:41 PM
okay, ill give away my oldness and admit i actually saw the SW holiday special when it was aired on TV... and what little i remember consists of; yes, the wookies, some gawd awful singing numbers i mostly blocked out and maybe some other random things like the eerie, frosty glow everyone had. but what can i say, i was 7 and thats the last time i ever saw it.
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jkthunder
Seven Pieces
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date Posted: Nov 25, 2005 6:42 PM
in (major) retrospect... i remember just images really. it was beautiful, and kind... but sad. i think i actually remember being embarrassed. with that being the last time i saw it, i think if i watched it again, today, that i would at least have sentimental feelings - if not at least b/c of when i saw it last (and rememberance of my SW childhood), then for the fact that it is a somewhat cruel but funny running/inside joke for us fans.
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Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
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date Posted: Nov 25, 2005 6:53 PM
in (major) retrospect... i remember just images really. it was beautiful, and kind... but sad. i think i actually remember being embarrassed.
I think that sums it up better than anything.
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janlomona
Smugglers Rants
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date Posted: Dec 11, 2005 7:54 AM
It makes Howard the Duck look like Citizen Kane, Jar Jar look like Olivier, The Incredibles look like some two-bit flick book drawn on the corner of a notepad...
It MUST be released on DVD, to complete the collection (you think every TV show out there wouldn't like to delete some of their naffest episodes? Will the Happy Days box set have the one with Fonz jumping the Shark or not?)
Maybe a Special Edition is in order. Or a prequel edition. Hey, maybe there is one out there and GL has a really sick sense of humour.
Jar Jar singing with De La Soul - "Meesa, myself and Yousa!"
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The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo
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date Posted: Dec 31, 2005 8:58 AM
In all my years, I have successfully avoided viewing the contents of the Dark Side Holidaycron.
With a name like Dark Moose, it's only a matter of time.
Ack. Prophesize much? :0)
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