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Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

by: Halagad

date posted: Apr 17, 2006 3:01 AM | updated: Aug 30, 2006 1:32 AM

Star Wars and Taxes

Only two things are certain in this life: Star Wars and taxes.

It's April 17, folks, and the jig is up. This tax season was exciting. You see, I just finished filling my income taxes for 2005, and for the first time I filled out a 1040 Schedule C addendum, a.k.a. "Net Profit From Business" form. Because I didn't haul in more than five thousand bones with my freelance writing gigs, I got to fill out the relatively simple C-EZ version. Here are some of my business expense write-offs (don't hate me):

- One round trip flight to Indianapolis.
- One entrance fee to Celebration III.
- One copy of Republic Commando: Hard Contact.
- One copy of Jedi Quest #7: Moment of Truth.
- One copy of Star Wars Insider #80.
- One membership to the Scholastic Star Wars Adventures Club.
- One copy of the Star Wars Trilogy (widescreen w/bonus disc).
- One copy of Clone Wars Vol. 1 DVD.
- One copy of Clone Wars Vol. 2 DVD.
- One copy of Revenge of the Sith DVD (w/Walmart exclusive disc).
- One Star Wars Day admission to San Diego Comic Con International.
- One gasoline bill from Orange County to San Diego.
- One San Diego convention center parking fee.
- One domain name.
- One copy of Labyrinth of Evil.
- One copy of The Star Wars New Essential Chronology.
- One copy of the Ultimate Visual Guide to Star Wars.
- One copy of Obi-Wan's Foe.
- One copy of Clone Wars Vol. 7: When They Were Brothers.
- One copy of Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader.
- One admission to Dressing a Galaxy: The Costumes of Star Wars exhibit.
- One copy of the Official Knights of the Old Republic Strategy Guide.
- A complete set of Star Wars Fact Files.

...and the list goes on. My total deductions came to the grand total of $1972.81. (Trust me, I was gunning for $1977). Keep in mind that I had other freelance writing expenses, like Internet usage, paper, ink cartridges, and other miscellanea.

I can already imagine what a tax audit would be like.

IRS Guy #1: "Mr. Pe�a..."
Me: "You can call me Abel."
IRS#1: "Mr. Pe�a, can you explain this 'Holiday Darth Vader' deduction you claimed?"
Me: "Absolutely. You see Holiday Darth Vader was a collector's edition action figure exclusive to StarWars.com, the cardback of which (that is to say, the back of the cardboard card upon which the action figure is affixed) contains new Expanded Universe lore (that is, fictional information pertinent to the story, or "mythos," of Star Wars beyond the six theatrical movies) that is arguably parodical but ambiguous enough to warrant an in-universe reference in one of my fictional 'non-fiction' works--a class of Easter Egg for which I am well known."
IRS#1: "What do you mean fictional non-fiction?"
IRS Guy #2: "Easter Egg?"
Me: "Yeah brother, not a real Easter Egg. That's a whole 'nother mythology. (Smiles, pauses for laughter).
IRS#1&2: (No laugh).
Me: (No smile). "A fictional Easter Egg is a surprise, like a treat hiding in the writing. If you look hard, you can find it, and it makes people happy."
IRS#1: "What's fictional non-fiction."
Me: "That's the kind of Star Wars writing I do, mostly."
IRS#2: "What does it mean."
Me: "Fictional 'non-fiction' is a classification of fiction created to differentiate--"
IRS Guy #3: (Interrupting). "Now, I understand all that, Mr. Pe�a. However, what I would like to know is did you actually make an in-universe retcon for the flagrant misrepresentation of Darth Vader, a.k.a. the Chosen One Anakin Skywalker, as a happy-go-lucky, "snowtrooper"-building Dark Lord of the Sith specifically as a product of Rebellion-era Imperial propaganda spin doctors (which is really the only plausible explanation for this continuity-marring, if kitsch, marketing ploy) in one of your Star Wars projects for which you received some form of recompense in the year two thousand and five?"
Me: "Who in the fire fracking rings of Fornax...?" (Peers over shoulder). Oh poodoo... Dan? Dan Wallace?
Dan: "That's Shmi."
Me: "What are you doing with these di'kute?"
Dan: "I had no choice. The feds got to me just before they did to you. I'm sorry."
IRS#1&2: (Sounds of handcuffs jangling).
Me: "Yeah. Well I'm sorry too..."

Happy tax season, folks! ~ Abel G. Pe�a

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NerfHerdersAnonymous
Life, the Star Wars Universe and Everything

date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 3:15 AM

hate you? Nah, I'm happy for anyone who is able to combine a love for Star Wars and a tax deduction...beauty. I felt proud the first time I was able to deduct all my art supplies, etc....somehow it felt as if all the hard work I'd done for nearly nothing in the early years had finally paid off.

Love your fictional account of the "audit", good giggle to end the night/morning off.

Leah

Oboe-Wan
Oboe-Wan's Hive of Scum & Villainy

date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 5:44 AM

THanks for the laugh!! Being a freelance musician my list of write-off's includes anything even remotely related to music. THe IRS guys have an easy time understanding the purchase of new instruments, instrument cases, cork grease, music stands, CD's, DVD's, books, music,, but when the word "oboe" is thrown around it's like a spring snaps in their brain. "Oboe? What's that?" Then I hear the demonic words pass my lips.... "It looks like a clarinet" (then for my own soul I always add) "but sounds better." The year I bought my new oboe, my deductions were much more than my "official" income.

Good times....good times.....

	Arf Maul We'll Blow Your Planet Up!
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 6:06 AM LOL, brilliant And glad to hear you finally got your paws on those Fact Files

	Rogue_Follower What Ever Happened to Grambo the Worrt?
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 6:15 AM I'm becoming suspicious of that Red Vader. I think he's conspiring with Darth Tater to make it into the Vader's Legacy article...

	The Stooge Star Wars Joke-A-Day
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 8:30 AM One membership to the Scholastic Star Wars Adventures Club. I guess ya aint payin' for Hyperspace, huh? I'd figure that's an easy one.

	Darth Rex0 So be it....
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 8:52 AM Who would hate you? mutters under breath I mean, you provide great input into the SW universe. I bought all those things and I deduct zero Why would anyone hate you? Sheesh.

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 1:28 PM

Now I only have to make a BILLION dollars writing for Star Wars, and everything'll be square!

THe IRS guys have an easy time understanding the purchase of new instruments, instrument cases, cork grease, music stands, CD's, DVD's, books, music,, but when the word "oboe" is thrown around it's like a spring snaps in their brain. "Oboe? What's that?"

OH... Oboe-wan. I get it now.

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 1:33 PM

I'm becoming suspicious of that Red Vader. I think he's conspiring with Darth Tater to make it into the Vader's Legacy article...

And glad to hear you finally got your paws on those Fact Files

It was a long battle, but yeah, finally. Thanks for your offers to help, Arthur.

I guess ya aint payin' for Hyperspace, huh? I'd figure that's an easy one.

Sometimes I get free copies of Insider, sometimes I have to purchase em.

Who would hate you?

*mutters under breath*

Not everyone is as forgiving as you, Darth Rex0.

	jSarek jSarek's Infonet
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 6:33 PM I wish I could've deducted my SW expenses from last year on this year's taxes. For once, I really needed some deductions. Word of advice, folks: never build up too much margin debt, or when the time comes to sell stuff to pay it, you'll be paying huge capital gains taxes on money you're using just to break even. :-/

	anakinside1 Echoes from the Asteroid Field
date Posted: Apr 17, 2006 7:41 PM I don't have nearly as many deductions as you, but I did deduct every SW book as mythological reference materials!

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 1:17 AM

Word of advice, folks: never build up too much margin debt, or when the time comes to sell stuff to pay it, you'll be paying huge capital gains taxes on money you're using just to *break even*. :-/

Wisdom, this one speaks.

At the same time, who buys stuff knowing they're gonna sell it in the near future? I think in that case either you have loads of cash, or have spending habits beyond remedy.

I don't have nearly as many deductions as you, but I did deduct every SW book as mythological reference materials!

Smart. What's your line of work?

JMMC

date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 5:55 AM

Hate you? Noooo....

Does StarWars.com allow the word "#######" in these blogs?

Seriously, though, when I was writing some stuff for the Fact File, the New Jedi Order sourcebook was the only thing I bought to write a couple of articles. Everything else, I all ready owned, but I did wonder about it, but I figured $25 wouldn't make much of a difference...

I love the choice of image on the page!

JMM

	JMMC
date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 6:15 AM Does StarWars.com allow the word "#######" in these blogs? I guess not...

	Dan Wallace Continuity, Criticisms, and Captain Panaka
date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 8:26 AM Dude, I should have read this blog prior to April 15th. The only thing I deducted was printer paper and ink cartridges.

	RojoTrooper Star Wars Recycled Art Project
date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 8:28 AM OMG that is great.. I need to become a freelance writer... or I use the SW materials to teach in my classroom. They have a cap on mine.. 250 bucks for teachers.

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:22 AM

Dude, I should have read this blog prior to April 15th. The only thing I deducted was printer paper and ink cartridges.

I would've posted this blog earlier, but deadlines are my best friend.

I'll do your taxes next year.

OMG that is great..
I need to become a freelance writer... or I use the SW materials to teach in my classroom. They have a cap on mine.. 250 bucks for teachers.

Down-with-spending-limits! Up-with-StarWars-reference!

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 8:57 PM

I love the choice of image on the page!

Seemed appropriate.

	Ms TK-421 I do believe that they think I am some sort of God
date Posted: Apr 18, 2006 10:50 PM Hmmm, not tax-related, but I did get one of my professors to use grant money to buy me star wars stuff for my semester project!

	Halagad Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 12:13 AM Heh heh... free stuff is better than a deduction.

jSarek
jSarek's Infonet

date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 1:28 AM

At the same time, who buys stuff knowing they're gonna sell it in the near future?

More like, "I'm in a bit of a economic tight spot . . . do I sell stuff that's making me more profits than the losses in margin interest would be?" The answer was "no."

Then the tight spot got tighter, and rather than re-evaluate my decision in changed circumstances, I stayed on fiscal autopilot.

Thus, we come to my next bit of advice: Don't go on fiscal autopilot. Yes, I shouldn't even have to say it, let alone be reminded of it by circumstance. But if I had a dime for every time I've done something dumb, I could've paid off that margin balance the easy way.

	Ello137 Apocalypse Later
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 9:31 AM I wonder if Lucasfilm could, in a sort of tax-haven legal-fiction, move its headquarters to the Corporate Sector, so it didn't have to pay payroll taxes . . . the Corporate Authority or something has probably already done that . . .

	Jedi Master Mina Another Galaxy, another time
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:15 AM This blog just brought...tears... to my eyes....wipes tears from eyes. Tears of joy for reminding me that the FEDS had to pay bling bling to me this year. I'll have you know that I did try to claim my Star Wars toy action figures as dependents.

	FAN4YRS A Rebel's Ramblings
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:24 AM RESPONDING ONLY TO BLOG, NOT THE COMMENTS: That's it, I'm going to become a freelance writer

	Oboe-Wan Oboe-Wan's Hive of Scum & Villainy
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 4:08 PM OH... Oboe-wan. I get it now. I'm not a very subtle gal!! Heh heh... free stuff is better than a deduction. Know what's even better than free stuff? Being paid with food. I once played a gig where we were paid in chocolate....... Tax that Uncle Sam!!!

	Halagad Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!
date Posted: Apr 19, 2006 9:24 PM I'll have you know that I did try to claim my Star Wars toy action figures as dependents. Genius. That's it, I'm going to become a freelance writer We got another one.

Halagad
Only Sith Deal In Absolutes!

date Posted: Apr 20, 2006 1:34 AM

Know what's even better than free stuff? Being paid with food.

Your new name is Maxine Rebo... you're even blue already!

I wonder if Lucasfilm could, in a sort of tax-haven legal-fiction, move its headquarters to the Corporate Sector, so it didn't have to pay payroll taxes . . .

A very interesting idea...

Thus, we come to my next bit of advice: Don't go on fiscal autopilot.

Yes, YES! ...To jSarek you listen!

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