Here [in California] ... somebody says "Go to hell" when they get upset. There [in Sardinia] they say, "Go to California!"--it's like a place where you'll never get there. And then finally I come to California really, and now when I go back there and they ask me, "Where you live?" I say, "In California" ... they're not sure if I mean it or I'm joking. -- former Mr. Olympia and Venice Beacher, Franco Columbu

Star Wars Celebration IV is just a few days away, folks! For all the fans converging on Los Angeles this week, I've put together a very brief primer of some of the cool spots some of you might like to check out while you're here. Of course, L.A., and Southern California in general, is notoriously difficult to get around in without an automobile. Anathema to a proper subway system, the county's layout was once described to me by an angry Italian as the equivalent of someone taking an egg and splattering it on the sidewalk.

If you want to see some of the sights away from the convention center, your best bet would probably be to rent a car for a couple days. Budget and Hertz rent cars at reasonable prices. My advice: don't give into their pressures to get insurance on the rental.


DISNEYLAND

This one isn't technically in Los Angeles, but how often are you gonna come out to Cali? Located in Anaheim (about 30 minutes by car from the Los Angeles Convention Center), a trip to Disneyland is a prepackaged party. There's all the favorites like Space Mountain (now with a Red Hot Chilli Peppers soundtrack, I understand), the Matterhorn, It's A Small World, the tea cups, and Splash Mountain, but of course, the main attractions for Star Wars fans is Star Tours (also celebrating its 20th anniversary this year) and the newer Indiana Jones ride. Disneyland recently added the Downtown Disney walk, with plenty of places to spend your money, as well as an entire theme park aimed at the teenage crowd called California Adventure ... which is just okay (a bit of a watered-down Knott's Berry Farm, if you ask me).

Disneyland (now touting itself as the "Disneyland Resort") is arguably a vacation onto itself, but it's doable in a day. If you get there when they open, you'll have a good two hours during which there will practically be no line for the rides. I'd also suggest avoiding a weekend visit ... although they open earlier and close much later. It's up to you if you can handle 16 hours of the happiest place on Earth.


UNIVERSAL STUDIOS HOLLYWOOD

If Disneyland is too out of your way, then maybe you can check out nearby Universal Studios Hollywood. A fun, movie-centric amusement park, you can see the original Jaws rubber shark in action, sets for War of the Worlds and Spider-Man, all the classic Universal monsters, and get on the cool Jurassic Park water ride. You can also check out T2-3D, which reunites the star cast of Terminator 2 for a kick*ss 10-minute romp to war-torn 2029, and a similar Back to the Future movie simulator and Shrek "4-D" film.

Whether you go to the theme park or not, you can walk down Universal City Walk, which is another spot full of shops and restaurants (I recommend the sushi at Wasabi), even a bowling alley and movie theater (where I watched The Matrix on IMAX and Kill Bill).


PINK'S AND MELORSE AVENUE

Touting itself as the "Hot Dog to the Stars," Pink's is a Los Angeles staple since 1939 and a favorite of hot dog connisseurs. Pink's brags about its world famous chilli dog, but when you get there, there's all sorts of cool new hot dog creations that are the hit of the moment. Fond of creating hot dogs after famous stars and movies, I remember seeing the "Dog of the Rings," with big rings of onion and other madness, in honor of Lord of the Rings a few years ago, and I wouldn't be surprised if there there was a Star Wars dog this week to celebrate the big 3-0.

Assuming you're not grabbing your dog at 2 or 3 a.m., once you're at Pink's you might as well turn the corner and check out Melrose Avenue. This is a trendy L.A. spot, with cool places to shop, eat, drink, laugh, et al.


GRAUMAN'S CHINESE

Perhaps no Star Wars 30th anniversary pilgrimage to L.A. is complete without a visit to Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Many fans know the story of how Lucas watched while getting some grub at Hamburger Hamlet across the street as people lined up around the block at Grauman's Chinese to first watch Star Wars, thirty years ago. Check out the forecourt where Lucas, Harrison Ford, Darth Vader, C-3PO, and R2-D2 have all left their unique footprints and signatures in cement. For Indy fans, Steven Spielberg's is here too.

This particular Hamburger Hamlet was still around up until a few years ago, so maybe you can eat there. The address was 6914 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90028.


LEVEL 3

If you want to groove your butt off, there's no shortage of dance clubs. Level 3, on Hollywood Blvd. and Highland not too far from the convention center, is a fun place that plays hip hop music and charges a $20 cover. On Saturdays at least, it's 18 and over.

Be forewarned: though I love dancing, the L.A. club scene works on primitive principles of thinly veiled animal hierarchy. Simply, ladies, the more "girly" you look, the better your chances of getting in free; gentlemen, the more well-dressed you look and more ladies that are with you, the better your chances of getting in period.

Since many of us SoCalers dress like slobs, a dress code is often enforced, and this especially translates to shoes--unless you're Hayden or Natalie, make sure you're wearing dressy or trendy shoes and not sneakers or flip flops.


VENICE BEACH

Southern California is bursting with beaches, but the most eclectic of them all is easily Venice Beach. Said to be home to the richest bums in California, Venice has a circus feel: with the beach, shops, eats, street peformers, artists, shysters, bodybuilders, and beautiful and weird-looking people, it's a great place just to hang out for a few hours.

On a whim, I once brought my 16-year-old nephew here, and we set up a piece of cardboard, a boombox, and a fat tin can that said "CASHOLA." He then proceeded to breakdance for money. When a large audience began to form, we were scolded by a neighboring (and I suspect envious) street performer who told me, "Hey man, control your crowd." We made a couple of bucks.

There's all sorts of other cool stuff to check out, like Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles, the LACMA and Getty art museums, Westwood, and the Farmer's Market, not to mention L.A.'s SoCal cousins, the O.C. and San Diego (and Tijuana and Las Vegas, which, let's be frank, should just be annexed to California), but the above are just some of the fun places I think Star Wars fans in town for a few days would definitely enjoy.

As for me, my birthday is on the 29th, so this is gonna be like one week-long party. Ee chee wa maa! I'll be about, but you'll definitely catch me at my buddy Joe Corroney's artist booth and at the Star Wars Continuity Panel and Wookieepedia Trivia event. I also plan to attend the big Meet & Greet that Star Wars Bloggers have put together. See you at C4, folks! ~ Abel G. Peņa

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