I've slowed down.

I was tearing through the New Jedi Order Series like wildfire.
But as soon as I got to Star by Star, something stopped it.
I just can't read this book.

And it's not even a conscious thing.

Because my conscious brain knows that this book isn't real.
It knows that Anakin Solo is a fictional character.
It knows that he and I are not the same person.

And it knows that regardless of whether I read it or not, the same thing will happen.

But that doesn't stop my unconscious from not letting me get to the end of this book.

Something.
Something won't let me let him die.
If I just never finish the book, it's like he's in carbonite. Just frozen there. He'll always be alive. He'll always be the teenager that I have become. He'll always have that hypothetical death in the future that I've heard of but hasn't yet happened.

But if I read it, it becomes real.


And somewhere in my unconscious, if Anakin Solo dies, Anakin Morris loses a piece of himself. Part of me dies.
And I'm not sure if I can handle that.
Because somewhere in my unconscious, fact and fiction are much closer together than we allow ourselves to see them in the logical conscious world.

May the Force be with you all. Amen.