Some of you over the years have often reminded us that anyone can be a mod - we're basically just trained monkeys with extra buttons and Internet Nazi rulebooks.

Well not so, dear poster. Modding is actually quite technically challenging, and there is an extensive certification process prior to becoming a mod. It takes many years to reach the status of Star Wars Master Modsman Level 14, a rank few actually hold save for instance Lad, JTS, Spork, and Red5.

I'm currently a Apprentice Mod Assistant Journeyman-in-Training Level 3. This means I'm certified, on a training basis of course, to lock threads, ban some users in certain conditions, unban some users, and provide some monitored pithy commentary. They are giving me more opportunities to be pithy, and soon its expected I will be allowed to move forward into outright irony and sarcasm. This only means that in a couple of years, I will be awarded the right to utitlize actual Snark, a prospect that, sure, makes me a little nervous, but only because Snark is a weapon that should be respected and is as much a responsibility as it is a privilege. I mean, you don't keep your Snark clean and dry for looks, if you know what I mean.

A lot of people are not aware of how complicated the various processes are, and the level of personal danger involved in Moderating. Take a locked thread, for instance. When a thread is identified for lockage, there is a multi-step protocol that must be followed closely - not doing so could result in harm to yourself and others. Firstly, you have to load the thread into the Constriction Assembly frame. Once carefully alligned with the matrix, you slowly introduce the thread to the magnetic field while ensuring a solid lock is made at all times on the exit vector should anything go awry. As the thread becomes fully immersed in plasmostatic gel, you open the particulate conduit and flood the chamber with neutral ionic carbonite stasis foam at high pressure (usually between 12,000 and 13,500 IPT). Temperatures are to be kept at a constant -273 C, or near 0 Kelvin.

The trick here is, of course, monitoring the matrix and the pressure grades at the same time. Failure to fall within established stress loads could fracture the thread housing and permanently damage several posters (and possibly yourself) in carbonite stasis, not to mention completely destroying the thread frame. Once you have safely placed the thread in stasis for transport, you can add a pithy (or Snarky, depending on your certification level) comment to satisfy the need to provide the last word.

This is just one example of how Moderating is a highly technical process, far more involved than the perceived "point and click" methodology you might think. We work tirelessly to maintain a safe, accident-free environment by constant safety training and monitoring. To date, only a very few posters have been irrevocably and hideously scarred, and 2 mods.

I think that's a pretty dern good record, folks! Let's keep up the good work!

The Dark Moose
Apprentice Mod Asst. JIT Level 3
Assigned to Lad


...

oh...um...or not.

(see? Pithy.)