"Okay, okay..." Bread Leader sniffled, "Get it together, man. Get it together. Alright...this...is it."
The three sandwiches raced down into the storm of salivating Snacker sandwiches, desperate to deliver the final refreshing blow against the KFC Star before it delivered the taste of chicken done right in a way that was most wrong.
"Just...just don't let them kill me slowly," Bread Leader said. "Just hold them off and we'll be getting a few seconds--all you can eat restaurants all around! Keep your fries open for those Chicken Pot PIE fighters!"
"There's too much interference. Bread Five, can you see them from where you are?"
"No sign of any--wait, comin' in, Point 3.5."
"I see them!"

RAAAAAAAAA!!! "Close up formation," Vader said. "And if you spill any broth on me, a terrible fate awaits you!"
"A terrible fate? Let me guess, sir--a Buffalo Snacker sandwich? I hear Leia wasn't too scared of that!"
Vader's Advanced Chicken Pot PIE slipped out of formation just enough to bump the other PIE. "Whooops!"
"In the name of--!"
"Move to the right!"
"But I can't!"
"That's an order!"
"You just did that to parody Episode III! What a cop out! It's not even funny!"
"Creative juices, much like the soothing insides of a Chicken Pot PIE, can become stale after time. I am sorry. I think it's time to start sending some suffering to these sad little sandwiches!" Vader adjusted his controls and locked onto the first Bread sandwich. He fired broth, and the sandwich detonated. "Hmm. That one had hot sauce on it! I wonder if we should include that in our menu?"

"Almost there..."
"You better pour the juice! They're right behind me!"
"Almost there...and Pepsi is not juice, for the record."
"I had to say it! It sounded good! At least, I thought it did!"
A familiar voice shouted from offscreen. "I am SO glad this is your last line! Just READ IT."
"I can't hold them! Their flavor is too much!"
Broth soaked his sandwich. "AAAH!"
Bread Leader fired his bottle of Pepsi and the two packs of Mentos. "IT'S AWAY!!"
The soda burst open, spraying everywhere, and the Mentos created a brief detonation.
"Is it a hit?"
"Negative, negative. Nobody likes Food Wars. The critics agree."
"No, no! I mean, did you hit the hole in the soda machine?"
"Oh. Negative, negative. The soda didn't go in. And the Mentos just impacted on the surface! I should've kept 'em, and enjoyed their minty chew!" Bread Leader starts breaking down in tears again. "What I wouldn't give to be fresh and full of life right now! WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE!!"
Bread Five's lips don't move, but he says, "He's on your tail! Oh, wait! This isn't the Special Edition! Never mind!"
The Chicken Pot PIEs harass Bread Leader, much in the same way that Bread Leader allegedly harassed Luke, though after Bread Leader's bravery, the charges were dropped posthumously, of course.
"Bread Leader, we're right above you! Turn to point 05, we'll cover for you!"
"Stay there! I just lost my starboard chicken! This sandwich is mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm! toasty, but the chicken pieces keep falling out! Maybe a KFC Snacker really is the superior sandwich! Get set up for your snack run!"
Broth soaked through even the toasty flavor of his Quizno's Honey Mustard Chicken sandwich, and the heat of the broth caught him on fire briefly. "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA---!!"
"NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA!" Luke said, again humming along with his iPod. He hung it out the side of the cockpit.

"KFC Star in range in 1 minute. But it's a movie minute, as has been stated repeatedly. It's not actually 60 seconds. It is merely a period of time in which the heroes can successfully defeat the forces of--"
"We GET IT!" Luke said. "Biggs, Potato Wedge, let's close it up." Luke closed up the bag of chips he was eating. "Okay, now that we've retained the freshness of our current snacks, let's try to blow up the KFC Star. If we're goin' in, we're goin' in full taco, that ought to keep them off our backs!"
"Luke, with taco meat, are you gonna be able to pull out the Pepsi in time?"
"It'll be just like Hard Rock Cafe back home! NA NA NA NA NAAAA!"
The three sandwiches raced into the trench, chicken grease popping towards them. Potato Wedge frowned. "My Coke shows the soda machine, but I can't see the hole in it! Are you sure the Mentos can hit it?"
"Watch yourself, increase meat, full taco!"
"What about that sour cream? It'll spill all over me!"
"You worry about those Chicken Pot PIEs! I'll worry about the sour cream!"
"Chicken Pot PIEs, coming in, point 3!"
"NA NA NA, NA NA NA, NA NA NA, NA NA NA--"
"STOOOOP!!!"
"Even with Bread Leader dead, I can't have fun! I hate you guys!"
"Hate to interrupt," Biggs said, "but hurry, Luke--the Chicken Pot PIEs are heating up much faster this time!"
"Are you sure you say that part now, or is it after Wedge gets hit?"
"Wait," Potato Wedge said. "I get hit? And it's POTATO Wedge to you, Luke!"
"They should've stuck with the original Potato Wedge!"
"Look, I don't--gah! I'm hit! I can't filet with you!"
"Get clear, Potato Wedge! You can't chew any more food back there!"
"Sorry!" Potato Wedge pulled out of the trench.

Vader watched him go. "Let him go. Stay on the two-liter!"

"Okay, you were right, Luke," Biggs said. "Hurry, Luke the Chicken Pot PIEs are heating up much faster this time!"
"Artoo, try and increase the flour!"
"Flour is at maximum!" Artoo said. "Any more and we might as well break out Shake N' Bake!! Would be easier!"
"Hurry up Luke!" Biggs said. "And...I'm sorry about the diaper joke, before. In case...you know, I don't survive or something. It's not like I'm a main character or something--all my good dialogue got written out, and they gave my cousin Gavin more credit than me in later years, and I don't even get to keep that cool cape I wore in that deleted scene--"
"BIGGS!" Luke said. "Just DIE already!"
"That's kind of a dark thing to say in a PG movie, Luke. Especially to your best friend. It's just wrong, you know? I mean...I thought you cared about me, man! What's wrong with you? You get into Hollywood and suddenly you start acting like nobody can touch you!"
Vader flies ahead of them and turns around in his Advanced Chicken Pot PIE. "Um...excuse me, fellas, but...could you um, hurry it up a little? I want to get back and watch the Battlestar Galactica miniseries, after I've crushed the Fast Food Rebellion. I admit I didn't actually get to watch a full episode of it, and I missed the opening titles, which would've told me the Cylons look human and all, and that there some that are even programmed to think they're human. Which if you ask me, is pretty scary, especially being IN a sci-fi thing like Food Wars. It kind of shakes things up a little. But um, yeah. If you could um, stop arguing and let us get on with this, that'd be great."
Luke stared at the Chicken Pot PIE. "Oh. Okay. That alright with you, Biggs? Maybe we can join him for an episode or two."
"Okay, Luke," Biggs said. "I did mention that they'll never stop us before, didn't I?"
"Uh...no."
"Well, can I mention it now?"
"You just did."
"Oh. Well um...isn't he supposed to get back behind us now?"
"Yeah. Hey, you know the funny thing? We probably should've crashed into a wall by now, what with all this talking we're doing."
"True. Kind of a scary thought." The Chicken Pot PIE settled in behind Biggs and prepared to open fire. "Hey, where'd that PIE go? Oh no, wait! Wait! Quick!"
BA-DOOOOOW!!
"KFC Star in range in 30 seconds."
"I'm on the two-liter."

Luke screwed the cap off of the Pepsi and got the Mentos ready. "Use the Food, Luke." Luke ignored the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi. "Let go, Luke."
Luke screwed the cap back on the Pepsi.
"His top is back on the Pepsi bottle. Luke, you put the cap back on the Pepsi. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm alright. I just don't want it spilling all over me. It's kind of common sense while you're flying at dangerous speeds." The Chicken Pot PIE blasted the side of his sandwich, dislodging the iPod. It clanked against the KFC Star trench. "NO!! MY IPOD!!!"
"Remember Luke," Obi-Wan's voice said, "voice acting."
"You're wrong!! That'll NEVER be my destiny!"
"See you around, Joker on Batman: The Animated Series and Justice League, Captain Stickybeard on Kids Next Door, Hobgoblin on Spider-Man....it's been fun..."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Fast Food Rebel base in range."
Manager Tarkin smiled. "What's this? I have another line, it seems! See? I knew all would be well! You may fry them when ready."
"Fry what?"
"The chickens, the chickens! Fry them!"

"On plus side," Artoo said, "Everyone's favorite droid still here! No broth to the head in THIS episode--" broth splattered on him. "---AAAAAAAH!! AAAAH!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! YOU HAVE KILLED ME! WHY BEAUTIFUL DROIDS DIE YOUNG...."
"I've lost Artoo."
"The KFC Star has cleared the planet. Sorry, I'm a little late in announcing that. Hope that was enough warning. We're all gonna die, but at least we get a last meal, right, folks? Heh heh. I've always wanted to...say something special on this intercom. Now it doesn't matter who I obey! We're all gonna DIE! Ha ha!! I hate you all!"

Vader aimed again at the sandwich. "I have you now! And no Manager Solo in sight!! I KNEW my plan would work!"



!! Is this how it ends? Does the KFC Empire triumph? Find out, in the exciting conclusion of Food Wars: A NEW COKE!