A splash of tartar sauce wiped out the Chicken Pot PIE next to Vader's Advanced bowl of delight. He whipped his head around. "What??? NO! I called in an order! I CALLED IN AN ORDER!! HE CAN'T BE HERE!"
"YEE-HOOOO!!" Millennium Chicken & Fries roared into view. "Nobody was there to pick up the order! I don't know what kind of game you guys are pullin', but somebody's gonna eat these fish & chips platters if I have to force-feed 'em myself--forgive the expression! Plus tax, that'll be 50,000 KFC Imperial credits! Fork 'em over!"
"Look out!" The Chicken Pot PIE on Vader's port side crashes into him, hurtling his Advanced Chicken Pot PIE into space, crumbs trailing in his wake.
Vader tries desperately to right his vehicle. "It was in the script....it was...my destiny..." He opens up his comlink, while still struggling to right the Chicken Pot PIE. "Hello? This is Executive Vice Manager Darth Vader, just checking on something. The check was deposited? And it went through? Good. Could you possibly try and sign me up for the sequel? No, I don't know what it's called!! Or if it'll be made! Food Wars hasn't exactly been a phenomenal success lately! But I'm thinking perhaps...THE KFC EMPIRE STRIKES BACK...WITH FLAVOR! That'd be good. That'd be great. And we could have this really spectacular snow cone battle, possibly involving that Oreo pizza that our subsidiary has! What? That's not Pizza Hut? Oh...well could you order one of those from wherever, for when I get back? Great. You're the best, Padme. Truly. No, I love you. No, no, I love you more. No, you hang up first. No, no, you hang up first. ... Alright, I'll hang up. Goodbye."

"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow these wings and go home!!"
"Han!! Why did you strap me into this thing?!!"
"Because I knew I could make you do anything once you were unconscious! I'm kind of bad that way! Now blow the wings!"
Luke turned over the 2-liter bottle of..."Wait! I've been drinking NEW COKE?? They said there would be PEPSI! Gaaah!!" He threw the bottle out, and it landed perfectly, cap off, upside down, lodged in the hole in the soda machine. Glurp, glurp, glurp, glurp...
"I'm comin' around for another pass! I gotta get the Mentos in!" Luke winged up and back around. "DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN, DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!!" The empty bottle of New Coke fell away from the hole, and Luke fired his pack of Mentos, then pulled away from the KFC Star.

"Stand by...stand by...chicken will be ready shortly...Stand by..."
Tarkin frowned, looking at his last page of script. He reads the words, "'KFC Star explodes'. OH, KARK!!!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!

The KFC Star exploded, sending the incinerated remains of cole slaw, biscuits, and chicken done right into the vast expanse of space.
"Great SHOT, kid! That was one in a million! You did keep the cap, right? I want to go to cokerewards.com and see if we can redeem it!"
"Yeah, sure, Han...but you'd have to buy like a thousand of these to get anything off of there!" Luke sighed.
A familiar voice resounded in his head. "Remember, the Food will be with you. Always. And you owe me a new iPod. Remember that, too."
"Why didn't you just get killed?"
"With that attitude, you'll be perfect for voice acting...and who knows? In time, you'll probably have the perfect face for it, too."

Vader righted his Chicken Pot PIE and headed homeward. He checked his bag of KFC. "Should've brought more napkins...barely enough to make it home..."

Luke was welcomed by the various fast food chains, celebrating their newfound freedom.
"Luke! You did it!" Manager Leia said, giving him a hug.
"Hey! HEY!" Manager Solo ran up and grabbed him.
"I knew you'd come back! I just knew it!"
"Well I couldn't let you get all the credit--hey, wait...isn't this scene out of place, given that we...you know, kinda skipped over a lotta stuff?"
"Good point. Let's eat!"

[Throne Room music playing]

Han, Luke, and Chewbacca each received "Employee of the Month" plaques, complete with color pictures and brief descriptions of their successes. Once again, fast food freedom was restored to the galaxy. For now, every way of doing chicken could be considered as right. Artoo Detoo was repaired, and threatened a lawsuit over dangerously hot chicken pot pies. C-3PO got a new polish--and a cup of coffee from Starbucks on Yavin 4. Manager Dodonut was subjected to a disciplinary hearing and stripped of his rank for his insensitive remarks about the late Bread Leader. And thanks to Princess (or Manager) Leia, Dairy Queen supplied more ice cream than anyone could eat. All were well-fed. And it was all thanks to...A NEW COKE.....


THE END!!!!!