A long time ago, in a restaurant far, far away...

FOOD WARS

Episode V
THE KFC EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
....WITH FLAVOR!

It is a dark time for the
Fast Food Rebellion. Although the
KFC Star has been destroyed, along
with its deadly supply of KFC CHICKEN
DONE RIGHT, the Fast Food Recipe
Alliance has been driven from its
hidden franchise and pursued across
the galaxy, like Grimace chasing
after some french fries.

Evading the dreading KFC Imperial Darkmeat,
a group of food fighters led by Luke Skywalker
has established a secret base on the remote
ice cream world of Hoth.

The evil lord and Executive Vice Manager Darth
Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker,
has dispatched thousands of KFC Kids' Laptop
Meals into the far reaches of space....



Aboard a gigantic Mexican pizza, Executive Vice Manager Darth Vader pondered the past three years. After being stranded in a Chunky Chicken Pot PIE, he was saved by what he at first thought was a Food vision--a gigantic Mexican pizza appeared to rescue him! He supposed it was some sort of dream, conjured up by the recent merging of his personal franchise with Taco Bell. But alas, it truly was his newly christened Super Five-Star Destroyer, the Mexecutor, which picked him up. He gladly assumed command and declared himself Employee of the Month For Life.

After torturing a Rebel and discovering the name of the one who had destroyed the KFC Star, Vader became fixated on locating Luke Skywalker, the iPod-loving, smart-mouthed pilot who had fired the volley of New Coke and Mentos that changed menus galaxy-wide forever. And what better way to lure out Skywalker, my son, than with a KFC Kids' Laptop Meal...no child can resist it!


Meanwhile...on the distant planet Hoth...

The Kids' Laptop Meal rocketed through space and slammed into the snow cones. "Oh, man..." Luke said, riding his tauntaun over. "I can't believe it. That's like the fifth time my snow cone stand has been blasted like this! Blast it! Blasted! Blast it! Okay, stop! Too much...get it in gear, Luke...just call the manager again..." He scraped snow cone flakes off of his communicator. "Flavor 3 to Flavor 7! Han, old buddy, do you read me?"
"Loud and clear, kid. But I'm a little frustrated--can't thaw out any of my fish. What's up?"
"Well, I finished my circle. I don't pick up any fries readings."
"There aren't enough fries on this ice cube to grill and serve with a space burger. Sensors are placed. I'm goin' back."
"Right, I'll see you shortly. There's a lite yogurt snack that hit the ground near here and knocked over my snow cones. I'm gonna check it out--it won't take long." The tauntaun started rocking back and forth, and Luke steadied. "Hey! Steady, girl! What's the matter? Do you smell somethin'? My food hasn't been on the George Foreman grill too long, has it?"
Luke turned, and in a flash, say the wampa swing a blue/red snow cone at him, knocking him clean out. He flew to the snow, his face badly scarred. The wampa smashed the snow cone into the tauntaun's mouth, causing instant brainfreeze. The tauntaun crashed to the snow in a heap.
The wampa dragged them both away, eager to have a meal much more satisfying, and protein-heavy, than snow cones....