The Recipe Alliance base was a hive of activity. Soldiers of all sorts carried barrels of various flavors of ice cream back and forth across the base, to keep up the appearance of meaningful activity, while in reality serving as mere backdrop for the show-stopper, the man of the hour, Dr. Indiana Jones himself, Mr. Jack Ryan himself, Mr. Living Legend, Greatest Actor of All Time, Han Solo.

Han strode towards the Millennium Chicken & Fries. When he arrived, he found Chewbacca the Cookiee busy fishing--did I say fishing? I meant fixing; too much fish & chicken on the brain...--the soda machine. "Chewie! Chewie! Chewie!"
"RAAA! RRRA RHH!!"
"Alright! Don't lose your chocolatey flavor! I'll come right back and give you a hand!"
"RWWWRAA!"
"You know, you're right--you would taste better frozen, like a Mint Chocolate Chip Pop Tart, without the Mint. I'll keep that in mind next time we get stranded!"
"ROOOWRF!!"
"Okay, maybe not!" Han walked away from Chewie.

Han entered the Command Center, where bowls of ice cream were being shared among all. He immediately sought to make eye contact with Manager Leia, but found her engrossed in a holo-drama, eating a large bucket of ice cream. In this galaxy, Han thought, she can get away with that without gaining a pound...
He stood behind her, watching the holodrama. Mannequin Skywalker and the Cloned Chickens... he'd been trying to record this for weeks, but his VCR had broken and he couldn't afford a DVR...

Mannequin stood in the Jars' Homestead, feeling anger and despair. "I...I grilled them. I grilled them all. They're between slices of bread. Every single one of them." He turned to look at Radme. "And not just the beef...but the bacon......and the chicken, too. They were once animals! And I devoured them like animals! I ATE THEM!" He sunk down into a corner.
Radme knelt beside him. "To be hungry is to be human."
"I'm a French Fry. I know I can make better food than this."

Leia wiped tears from her eyes. "It's so tragic! I just know...I just know he's going to just start making chicken right from now on!" She looked up. "Oh, hi, Han."
Han kept quiet, not wanting to disturb her, and headed towards General Manager Frieekan. "Solo," Frieekan said.
"Sensors are placed. You'll know if any wings show up, though I doubt they'll be edible out there in that cold."
"With all the meatier activity out there, it's going to be harder to spot approaching tortilla chips. I've heard the KFC Empire has acquired Taco Bell, so we may get hit with the unexpected."
"General Manager, I gotta leave. I can't stay any longer."
"Well, as long as you did your hours, I don't care what you do. Just don't be trying to skip out of here early. Solo." Frieekan's eyes grew cold. "You think just because you're the only one who gets a bigtime career after this that you don't have to pull your weight around here. Well I'm here to tell you that's not the case. Indiana. Who wants to be named after the dog, anyway?"
"Beats being named after fries. Dogs eat fries when they fall on the floor. I suggest you remember that. Frieekan." Solo returned the glare. "And let's not forget that guy who ends up on Cheers and Toy Story, that's worth something."
"Wasn't he also in a Superman movie?"
"Yes. Yes, he was. None of that stuff's been made yet, of course, but...theoretically speaking, we're all long dead before this story even reaches Earth audiences anyway. But that guy's a pretty good actor, too. Moving right along, well, a death mark's on my head. If I don't pay off Jabba the Hutt with some baked chicken, I'm a dead man."
"Baked chicken's not an easy thing to live with. Especially when you have it every other night for dinner for 20 years in a row. You're a good employee, Solo. I hate to lose you."
"Thank you, General Manager."
"Now get out of here, before I fire you."
"You won't have to. I quit." He turned towards Leia, who had skipped the dough factory scene to get to the Overpriced Arena Food battle in the holodrama. "Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it."
She didn't turn towards him. "That's right. I wonder how Mannequin gets out of this one? And what happened to Soda and the cloned chickens he was going to look at? Hmm...it kind of leaves you hanging, you know?"
"Are you at all listening to me?"
"Guess now you know what it feels like to be committed to someone who half listens to you and half listens to the holonet. Tough nuggets, flyboy."
"Well, don't get all mushy on me. So long, Princess!"
Han rushed out of the Command Center. Leia glanced at the closing doors as he left. "What's with him? Must be that time of the month--closing time for the fiscal year or something. Ah, well..."
She looked over at Frieekan, who was staring at her. "What? What are you looking at? He needs to get over it!" Frieekan continued to stare. Leia sighed. "Men. You have to coddle them the whole kriffing way!" She stalked out of the Command Center.

"Han!"
"Yes, Your Highnessness?"
"I thought you had decided to filet fish."
"Well, that Bounty paper towel we ran into on Ord Mantell changed my mind."
"Han, we need your food!"
"We need?"
"Yes."
"Well what about you need?"
"I need? I'm allergic to fish. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Come on." He pulled out a can of Han's Tuna and pointed at her mouth. "Aaaaaah, come on!"
"You're imagining things."
"Am I? Then why did you follow me? Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye fish?"
"I'd just as soon eat fish with a Cookiee!"
Han pointed at her. "I can arrange that!" He hurried away. "You could USE a good FISH!"

C-3PO and R2-D2 walked and rolled respectively down the hallway. "Well, I didn't ask you to turn on the coffee machine. I merely commented that it would be nice to have a Mocha Frapuccino. How we're going to explain how all the ice cream is now coffee-flavored, I really don't know!"
"Beep! Woop woop!" R2-D2's head swiveled back and forth.
"Oh, switch off!"

They rounded the corner to find Han yelling at Chewbacca. "Why are you taking apart the microwave now? I'm trying to get us outta here and you pull both of these--put 'em back together, right now!"
"Excuse me, Manager Solo," 3PO said.
"What do you want?"
"Well, it's Princess Leia, sir. She's been trying to get you on the communicator. Something about starting a Dairy Queen here, and that she has a recorded copy of Mannequin Skywalker and the Cloned Chicken on DVD now if you want it."
"I turned it off. I don't want to talk to her. Wait...she's got the DVD? And it's good quality? It's not like...bootleg or something?"
"Well, I suppose recording it might violate a copyright law or two, much like a certain parody of a certain film series we're standing in. Oh...and there was that thing about Luke having disappeared and all. I don't know if you'd care about that."
"Not really."
"Oh."
Han helped Chewie put the microwave back together. Minutes passed. Han paused. "Wait a minute. Threepio, did you say Luke or Yuke?"
"Luke, sir. I said Luke."
"Oh. Oh!! Luke!! Why didn't you say Luke clearly? Articulate!! Team Manager! Team Manager!"
The Team Manager on duty walked up. "Yes?"
"Do you know where Manager Skywalker is?"
"I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the back door and didn't sign in yet. He likes to fool around on the Holonet for an hour or so before he decides to get to work."
"That's true. But why don't you go find out if he signed in? It's getting dark out there."
"Yes, sir."

Moments later...

"Sir, Manager Skywalker didn't come in through the back door. He might've forgotten to check in, being all busy trying to get his iPod to unfreeze lately and download that new Vanessa Carlton album, Heroes & Thieves. Not a bad album, by the way."
"I'll have to go out on tauntaun. And cut off his Holonet access--all those downloads are tyin' up bandwith we need for our networked franchises."
"Yes, sir. But the temperature's dropping too rapidly. You could get brainfreeze if you try to eat ice cream out there."
"That's right, and my friend's out in it."
"Your tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first bucket of rocky road ice cream!"
"Then I'll be eating pretty well! Hyah!!"