"Princess, we have a visitor," General Manager Frieekan said.
"Of course we do!" Manager Leia said. "Haven't you seen the sign outside? Billions served! It'd be trillions were it not for the KFC Empire's endless advertising! And I might add," she raised her voice, "that some people around here need to be more about doing their jobs instead of complaining about low pay! Our pay is competitive! We've got health insurance! Does KFC have that?"
A Rebel employee raised a hand. "They've got a program to help folks get into college. That's something. And we don't have that."
Leia looked at him for a long moment. "What's your name, son?"
He looked down at his name tag. "Walters, ma'am."
"Walters, huh? You that kid who got beat up by a visiting sixth grader back in junior high?"
"'Fraid not, ma'am. Just a man who believes in fast food freedom, same as you do."
"Well you just watch yourself, Walters. We need a few good mentors like you. Give some of these people backbone. Just so long as no backbones are in our filet sandwiches, you know." She turned back to Frieekan. "So where were we?"
Frieekan glanced at the monitor. "It wasn't that kind of visitor, Princess. It was that kind--you know the kind--that likes to visit only to use the bathroom but doesn't pay for any food."
"Oh, so a freeloader, huh? I repeatedly asked for a token or key system to be put in place on all our bathrooms, and I believe that request was ignored. General Manager, maybe you ought to take that up sometime this century."
"Yes, ma'am. This visitor is made from 100% recycled paper."
"So it couldn't be one of those meat-craving creatures."
Han stepped up. "Could be a pizza box, one of ours."
"No. We're still working on EPA compliance issues. Our boxes are 75% recycled...Wait, there's something weak comin' through."
The data came in. "Sideorderofcoleslaw. Bucketofthechicken! Sideorderofcoleslaw. Bucketofthechicken!"
C-3PO looked over. "I am familiar with over six million forms of order-taking. This menu item is not used by the Recipe Alliance. It could be a KFC Imperial code."
Han frowned. "It isn't friendly, whatever it is. Come on, Chewie, let's check it out."
"Send Cokes Ten and Eleven to Station 3-8."


Han and Chewie snuck up on the KFC Kids' Laptop Meal, as its apple juice retracted into the box. Chewie snarled. The laptop meal turned and blasted the ice cream beneath the Cookiee with KFC's spectacular flavor. Han, just behind the Laptop Meal, rose above a vanilla ice cream mound and fired his cocktail sauce blaster. Two quick splashes of sauce got the Laptop Meal's attention, and it turned to fire potato wedges at Han. He ducked down again, letting the ice cream absorb the flavor, then returned fire.
The cocktail splattered on the meal, and it detonated instantly, sending cole slaw everywhere.
Han stuck his head up to watch the last bits of the explosion. "'Fraid there's not much left. And I was pretty hungry, too. How many takes of this are we gonna do? I mean, when you got it, you got it. Me, I only need one take. I'm just that good."
"What was it?"
"This was Take #50, or 56, I think."
"No! What was it you blasted, you moron?"
"Hey, easy on the insults. Kids are listenin'. It was a meal of some kind. I didn't chew it that hard--it musta had a self-digest."
"A KFC Imperial Kids' Laptop Meal."
"It's a good bet the KFC Empire knows we're here."
General Manager Frieekan instantly knew what to do--thanks to the script he was holding. "We better start our going out of business sale."



.....Next time, what we've all been waiting for, the triumphant return of the Dark Lord of the Chicken himself, Darth Vader!! MTFBWY!!

C2OB