"Dun-nun! Dun-dun-dun!"
"You know," Luke said, as they revved up their Domino's Pizza box, "when Seth MacFarlane interviewed George Lucas on that Blue Harvest DVD, he quoted this music, from Empire Strikes Back, that was cut out of the movie and expected George to be able to identify it. Surely he didn't think George is that obsessed with his own work!"
Dack nodded, listening to his own iPod nano. "True! It was a stupid question! I mean, besides, Blue Harvest was okay, but why'd they have to throw the 'f' word in there? It would've been almost perfect without that! All that bad language was ridiculous!"
"That, and the pedophile as Obi-Wan Kenobi! I mean, that's even more ridiculous! It's a desecration of a great man!"
"I'm pleased to hear you say that, Luke."
Luke looked around. "Ben?"
The familiar voice replied. "No, see, that's your son's name. Strictly speaking, I can be called Obi-Wan now. I'm communicating with you through the Food. Look at your sandwich."
Luke looked down at his ham and cheese sandwich on wheat bread with lettuce and tomato. "What the--?"
"Yes, Luke. Your food is talking. But it's not alive, I can assure you. It's just me."
"I sure hope so."
"What was that, Luke?" Dack turned around to face him. "Something wrong? Going crazy again? I warned you to stay on your medication!"
"I told you--Chitterlin is a STREET DRUG! Didn't you see that Crom Tuise interview??"
"Crom Tuise?"
"You know, Crom Tuise! Chicken: Impossible! A Few Good Hens! Food War of the Worlds! You didn't see those?"
"Luke!" Ben said. "Pay attention to me! My survival can be explained, as can all seeming inconsistencies in the Food Wars universe. You see, as Vader sliced through my robe--which actually didn't happen on screen, as I recall, to my chagrin--I disappeared into a wormhole. Vader merely assumed the apple nearby had gone bad, due to the worm, and the hole, and all, and he threw it out. I drifted through the cosmos in a Food cocoon...until at last I landed here, on Hoth. What a coinky-####, eh? Wait--why are they censoring me? D-i-n-k--haven't you heard of that? It's not a bad word! Coinky-d-i-n-k!! Gosh! So here I am."
"Hmm. I can believe that. Ready, Dack?"
"I'm trying to catch up! This Chicken: Impossible is pretty intense! I'm almost at the end! There's this awesome chase scene where he's hanging off a helicopter!"
Luke turned around to glance at the movie Dack had downloaded from iTunes.

Crom Tuise, with his usual intensity, pulled out some bread. "BREAD WHITE!" Then he pulled some chicken slices and combined it with the bread. "MEAT WHITE!" He slammed it into the helicopter, causing a giant explosion of flavor that hurled him into the train ahead.

"YEAAAH!" Dack shouted.
"Okay, great," Luke said, "but can we get on with this?"

The TASTY-ATs opened fire, sending blasts of secret spices towards the defending fast food rebels.

"Echo Station, 5-7, we're on our way. Alright, boys, keep those boxes tight now. You know pizza's not as good when it gets cold."
"Oh, Luke, I have no cayenne pepper! I'm not set!"
"Steady, Dack! Snack Pattern Delta, go now!" The pizza boxes roared past the crossfire of deadly ketchup and cole slaw. Luke managed a few well-placed pepperoni shots, but barely even put a scratch on the TASTY-ATs. "You know, there's too little dialogue in this scene! That's kind of a problem! That bucket's too strong for snackers! Coke Group, use your mozzarella and pineapples! Go for the chicken legs, it might be our only chance to stop them!
"Alright, stand by, Dack."
"Oh, Luke--we've got a problem with the oven control! I'll have to cut in the auxiliary!"
"Just hang on!" An explosion of flavor caused Luke to wince and turn away for a split second. "Hang on, Dack! Get ready to fire that pineapple!"
B-DOW! "AH!"
"Dack? Dack!" Luke turned to face him.
Dack was slumped over, the smell of cole slaw and warm KFC making an acrid stench.
Grief filled Luke Skywalker's heart, and it burned worse than any large pizza eaten too quickly could ever imitate. The grief quickly turned to rage, and he parked his pizza box.
He ran out into the ice cream, to stand in front of the TASTY-AT that had felled his comrade. "I know this is dangerously close to infringement, but I'm gonna say it anyway, since I carried the torch of being the Joker once. Or at least...according to Obi-Wan, someday I will." He looked up at the TASTY-AT and spread his arms wide. "Come to me, you gruesome son of a dish!"
The TASTY-AT opened fire, and cole slaw blasted past Luke. Though Luke surely should have been an ice cream/human/KFC sandwich, he was apparently unharmed. He pulled an incredibly long drumstick blaster from his belt, aimed it, and fired.
The drumstick smashed into the TASTY-AT's cockpit, and the huge vessel creaked its way to the ground.
"AH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?? AH HA HA HA HAAAA! Oh, wait! I guess I better not do that!" Luke saluted to the fallen TASTY-AT. "Thirsty? Then I guess the Coke's on me! AH HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"
Luke ran back towards his pizza box and got inside. He grabbed a slice of pizza. "Hey, you gonna eat that? Oh, right. Dead. Sorry..."
"A bit of dark humor there, Luke."
"You know, just stop, Obi-Wan, okay? It gets old!"
"Don't we all? Well, the good news is, Food Wars has returned, for the moment. The bad news is, we may have lost our comedic edge. We should've finished our season! Blasted writers' strike!"
"But we weren't affected by that!"
"We weren't? Oh. Well...carry on, then. See you on Dagobah, I guess..."
Luke guided the pizza box back towards the thick of battle. "Crazy old coot! Won't leave me alone! Should never have joined the French Fry mailing list!"