The Mexecutor soared through space, with Executive Vice President Vader aboard. "Wait! Hold it!" Vader shouted.
"Cut!" The Food Wars director said. "What's the matter with you, Vader? You walked right into the bluescreen set! This is an effects shot!"
"It's a shot that should not even be happening! We're right in the middle of an action sequence, one of the most brilliant moments in The KFC Empire Strikes Back...With Flavor! And I have no idea what's in this apparently new, Special Edition-insert type of scene you're trying to do! I haven't been given a script, or any lines, or even time to rehearse. But I'm supposed to deliver, right? I'm supposed to avoid getting a Razzie. You know, I don't know what planet you're from, but where I'm from, nobody expects miracles."
"What, you mean like a 9-year-old kid building a racing pod and winning a race, that sort of thing? And if--if--you get called back twenty years from now to do Food Wars: Episode I-The Fat from Venice, we will be doing a peapod race, if you were wondering."
"Well, that was...informative. But that pod race was no miracle-the future was already written! There was no alternative."
"Well, Qui-Gon could have just knocked Watto out, found the transmitter controls and deactivated the tiny explosive in your body."
"Hmm. Perhaps."
"Which begs the question of why it didn't blow up on Mustafar-ah...or maybe it did blow up, now that I think of it, but we're getting off subject! Get off the screen! Go to studio room 3224! You're on in 15!"
Vader huffed. "Harrison Ford doesn't get this type of flak!" He stalked out of the room, and down the hallway to room 3224. And yes, that's an...egg of some sort, mentioning 3224.

"Is Vader there yet?"
"I'm here! Let's just do this!"
"Okay, Vader-this is just going to be a real natural moment for you. You're in the hyperbaric chamber on board the Mexecutor, and you've just found out that a movie you're featured in, namely, Jumper, will be released on DVD on the exact same day as your apparently-not-dead wife Padme's movie, The Other Boleyn Girl."
"WHAT?"
"Exactly! Action!"
Vader yells into his phone. "Call Padme!"
"I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Please restate who you would like to call."
He hung up. "I'll dial it myself!" Vader pulled up Amazon.com to do a DVD search on his PC while dialing Padme's number.
Doooooot. Doooooooooooooot...Doooooooot...
"Hello?" Padme answered.
"Is it true?"
"What do you mean? Is what true?"
"You have a movie coming out tomorrow, on the same day as Jumper."
"Jumper? You mean with Samuel L. Jackson? That whole, 'Only God should be everywhere' thing?"
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"What? What's wrong, Annie?"
"I was in that movie! I was the main character!"
A brief, stunned silence. "You were?"
"YES! How could you not know that? I sat through The Other Boleyn Girl 15 times for you!"
"The other what?"
"Don't act so surprised, Padme! I know! And it's coming out on the same day as Jumper! How could you?"
"Eric...told me terrible things."
"What things?"
"He said...that your acting is subpar, and...your career is nothing!"
"I don't want to hear anymore about Eric Bana's criticism of my acting. The critics turned against me. Don't you turn against me!"
"I don't know you anymore! Anakin, you're breaking my heart! Your acting is like great food that I can't swallow!"
"Because of Eric?"
"Because of the films you've done! The films you plan to do! Stop! Stop now, before they say you can't act! I love you in Episodes II and III!"
Vader checked the release date for The Other Boleyn Girl, and the picture of Eric Bana next to Padme loaded up. "LIAR!! You were in the movie with HIM!"
"No! I mean, yes, but-"
"You brought your movie out on the same day to kill my DVD sales!"
"No! No! We're totally different genres! This is more a historical fiction, drama thing, and your...Jumper thing or whatever is more...well, what is that, exactly? Nerd stuff?"

The movie director whispered to his assistant. "This is great! Cue Obi-Wan!"
"But sir, he's talking about Eric Bana-"
"Do you see Eric Bana in this room? Or anywhere near it?"
"Well, no-"
"Then cue Obi-Wan."
"Yes, sir...cue...Obi-Wan..."

"Let her go, Vader! Let her go!" Obi-Wan stood in the entranceway, the perennial beacon of light snacks. "Why do I sense we've filmed this before?"
Vader started breathing heavily. "Must...control anger...Fingerlich maneuver...barely saved her last time...off-camera..."
"Vader...you must let her go."
"I have to go...Padme..."
"Annie, we can talk about this. You know you can talk to me, right?"
"...I don't know what I know anymore."
"What?"
"I...I'm sorry. Bye."
"Anakin-"
"Bye, sweetheart. Bye."
"...Bye."
Vader threw the phone down. "Eric Bana turned her against me!"
"You have done that yourself!"
"He will not take DVD sales from me!"
"Your acting and bad dialogue have already done that. You have allowed the curse which has followed everyone but Harrison Ford--and perhaps Liam Neeson, myself, if I may be so bold, and a handful of others--to twist your career until now...until now you have become the very actor most companies won't employ."
"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of the Razzie award. I do not get roles in Moulin Rouge like you do! I have brought heat, passion, and fury to my acting that inspires!"
"Your acting inspires?"
"Don't make me thrill you with yet another brilliant performance?" Vader paused. "I mean...don't make me thrill you with yet another brilliant performance! There, that's better..."
"Vader, my allegiance is to fair criticism, and not to hypocrisy!"
"If you're not in the same movie as me, then you're my enemy!"
"Only a Sith, or potentially a bad actor who is great in certain moments but deadpan otherwise, deals in absolutes. Um...okay, are we going to fight again? Because I really wasn't paid quite as much for this cameo, although I seem to be doing more and more of my own stunts."
"You are? Wow. All my stuff's digital."
"Digital? Really?"
"Yeah. Like, when I jump, just look at my face!" Vader jumped up, and it became clear, upon watching closely, that a live actor was no longer occupying that space. "See?"
"Not bad. I'll have to think about that. So um...look, are you going to be okay?"
"...Uh...yeah. I'll manage. You are going to get Jumper, though, right?"
"What? Jumper? Oh, you mean with Samuel L. Jackso-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No one knows I'm in it!! Not even you! What...what has become of my career?" Vader fell to his knees, painful as it was. He held his head in despair. "Please...just leave...leave me be, Obi-Wan. You once thought...I could be redeemed. Perhaps...you were wrong..."
Obi-Wan reached over and put a hand on Vader's armored shoulder, suddenly remembering how much of the poor man-machine was actually him and how much wasn't. Which is technically irrelevant since the only injury he sustained in Food Wars was to his taste buds. But anyway... "There is always hope, Vader. Always. You're still young. A new, brilliant role will come along. I have to go. I don't know what awaits me, but perhaps it's something with Nicole Kidman again. Or Scarlett Johansson. She really shined in The Other Boleyn Girl-"
"GET OUT!!!!"

"Okay, great, CUT! In-credible, Vader! In-credible!" The movie director clapped with glee.
"Thank you. Thank you," Vader said. "I'll be here all night. Now, can we get back to the asteroid meals?"