Aboard the Millennium Chicken & Fries

"I'm gonna shut down everything but the emergency power-and enough to watch TV, if I have to," Han stated.
"Actually hon," Leia said, folding the newspaper, "you won't be watching anything until this place is clean, and a fresh meal is sitting in front of me. That's how it works now, remember?"
"I'm gonna ignore that," Han said.
"I'm almost afraid to ask," Threepio said, "but does that include shutting me down, too?"
"Nooo, I need you to attend the PI-MEET, so we can decide what steps we can take to improve your performance. I also need you to find out what's wrong with the hypertaste. If you can do that. You may need to just go ahead and resign quietly for personal reasons rather than being a burden on the team."
A sudden rumbling interrupted Han's lecture. Threepio looked up. "Sir, it's quite possible this potato is not entirely regular."
"Not entirely regular? Well I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the fry cook in the back and plug him into the hypertaste."
Chewie took Threepio by the arm, and they departed the cookpit. "That's really quite unnecessary. After all, I'm only trying to do my job-" The door shut behind him.
More rumbling caused Han to reach out and grab Leia's plate so that the meal he'd just prepared would not fall off and make a mess. "Let go," Leia said.
"Shh!"
"Let go, please."
"Don't get excited."
"Captain, my plate of mediocre food being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited!"
Han let go of the plate. "Sorry, sweetheart. We don't have time for the full course."
Leia's expression turned to shock, as she understood the food-related innuendo. She angrily slapped the paper plate down on the table.



"OOweeo!"
"What? Ready for some flour?" Luke pulled a tube from the bag of flour and hooked it up to Artoo's pressure cooker. "Okay, there you go."
"Cooking stolen meat makes me feel guilty."
"Guilt beats hunger any day of the week."
"And you are hero character. Much darker shade than I expected."
Luke sighed. "Now all we gotta do is find this Yoda. If he even exists."
"Oh, he does. Have seen him. One dangerous mother-clucker with a wing in his hand."
"Hey. Watch the language!"
"Oh. Sorry. Ex-cuse me! One can't curse--in Food-related way, not even actual cursing, mind you--but one can steal!"
"Look, will you cut it out? It's not stealing! He'll get it back!"
"How?"
"I...I'll make a...a meat casserole when we get back to the fleet."
"I have never heard of this meat casserole. What is casserole? Is new food, perhaps blended meat drink or something?"
"No, no, it's like...it tastes like-"
A strange voice interrupted the argument. "Tastes like what?"
In one swift motion, Luke drew his ketchup blaster and pointed it at the diminutive green frog-creature standing before him. "Like we're being watched!"
"Strange taste, this casserole has, hmm? Hmm hmm! Away put your ketchup-I mean you no harm! I am wondering...why are you here? For organic soup and salad, I presume!"
"I'm...not here for any of that. I'm looking for someone."
"Looking? Found someone you have, I would say, hmm? Hoo hoo heee hoee hee!"
"Right..."
"Help you I can, yes, mmm!"
"I don't think so."
"Obvious, is it not, that this planet, uninhabited it is? Since recognize me from the Prequels, you do not, humor you I will! Hee hee!"
"Prequels? You know what he's talking about, Artoo?"
"Uh," Artoo said, "'twas before your time..."
"Anyway, look, frog-creature, I'm looking for a great food warrior."
"Oh!" Yoda said, moving towards Luke. "Great food warrior! Food wars not make one's food taste great!" He came to a stop next to Luke's dinner-a Lean Cuisine meal. "Sample this inferior food, I will."
"Put that down. Now we-"
Yoda bit out of the lemon chicken. "Bleh, bleh! How you get so big, eating food of this kind? Not enough calories does it contain!"
"Hey! That's my dinner!" Luke pulled the plate away from Yoda.
"Have it, you can!" Yoda rummaged through Luke's camp site. "Bah! Bah! Bah! Canned food? So sad, this is! Oooh! Pop Rocks, you have!"
"Hey, give me those!"
Yoda tore open the tiny bag and poured some into his mouth. "Ooooh..." He gurgled. "Like a party it is, in my mouth! And fireworks, there are! Eh heh heh heh!"
Luke reached for the Pop Rocks. Yoda pulled away from him. "Mine! Or I will help you not!"
"I don't want your help. I want my Pop Rocks back. I'm gonna need 'em to get off this organic crud-hole. Can I say crud without being bleeped?"
"Crud-hole? Organic? My home this is!" Yoda turned as Artoo grabbed the Pop Rocks. "Wha-? Mmm!! MMM! Mine! Mine! Mine!" Yoda swung his chocolate Twizzler-shaped cane and struck Artoo repeatedly.
"Artoo, let him have it! Artoo!"
Artoo released the bag of Pop Rocks. "So...shoe is on other foot, or should I say, pancake is on other side, cooking in pan! Now how does it feel to be stolen from, eh? Not feel good, does it?"
Yoda tapped Artoo with the Twizzler. "Speak backwards, only I can! Speak in beeps and whistles, only you can! Catfishe?"
"What?"
"Watch The Simpsons, do you not? Episode where Bart stole video game, I am referencing! Remember it, do you?"
"Simpsons is garbage. Is in same boat with filthy Family Guy!"
"Take that back, you will! Much filthier, Family Guy is!" Yoda swung the Twizzler again.
"Alright, quit it!" Luke said. "Move along, little fella, we've got a lot of work to do, trying to turn organic meat into the edible kind."
"No--no, no! Stay and help you will, heh heh! Find your friend, hmm?"
"I'm not looking for a friend-I'm looking for a French Fry Master!"
"Ooooh...French Fry Master! Yoda. You seek Yoda!"
"You know him?"
"Take you to his office, I will. Eh heh heh heh! But now, we must eat! Come! Good organic food! Come!"
In an inexplicably fast movement, or perhaps a mere trick of the camera, Yoda was suddenly 20 meters away, hobbling towards his hut. "Come! Come!"
Luke stared after him. "Artoo. Stay and watch after the canned beef."
"Fine. But will not fight over stolen food. Will let them take it right away, without a word!"
Luke glared at Artoo, grabbed the canned beef, and walked away.
"Wait! What will I eat?"
"Don't know. Don't care."