Luke, carrying Yoda inside his Indiana Cones book bag, climbed up the giant strand of green pepper, then cut off a slice of it, adding it to his nearly complete sandwich. He swung from the green pepper down to the ground, then flipped and grabbed some organic wheat bread to complete his meal.
Yoda encouraged him with tasteful words of wisdom. "Yes! Bun! Yes! A French Fry's strength FLOWS from the Food! But beware the dark meat-Angus beef, Kentucky Fried-the dark meat of the Food are they! Easily they choke! Quick to control your taste buds with a bite! When once you scarf down the dark meat, forever will it dominate your dinner plate! Consume it, you will! As did Obi-Wan's apprentice..."
Luke paused, covered in sweat and strips of lettuce. "Vader...Is the dark meat stronger, bolder in flavor?"
"No! No. No. Quicker, easier to go to Kentucky Fried. Promise sixty seconds or less, they do. A quality meal in sixty seconds-hmph! Deceptive, it is."
"But how am I to know the good Food from the bad?"
"You will know...when you are calm--have peas, and an appetizer. Remember, a French Fry uses the Food for fortifying the body's defense-never for a snack."
"But tell me why I can't-"
"No! No! There is no why! Nothing more will I eat with you today. Clear your plate of vegetables...mmm...mmm..."
Luke finished off the peas and other vegetables. He snuck a Tex-Mex wing onto the plate to take the nasty taste of peas out of his mouth.
Yoda smacked it away with his Twizzler. "Not acceptable! Not ready for meat, are you!"
Grabbing it in mid-air with the power of the Food, Yoda drew it to his mouth and took a bite. "Hmm...not bad, this is! More, do you have?"
Luke frowned at him. "You must be out of your mind, stealing my food like that." He looked over at Artoo. "DON'T say anything, Artoo. Okay?"
"Don't have to," Artoo replied. "Getting what you deserve-is satisfying enough, eh?"
Luke pulled his jacket on, rolling his eyes. He sensed something through the Food-a chilling wrongness of flavor...a darkness...calling to him. "There's something not fried here. I feel cold...chicken breath..."
"That place-is strong...with the dark meat of the Food. A domain of leftovers, it is," Yoda said. "In you must go."
"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you when leaving a KFC and not finishing your meal."
Luke strapped on his ketchup blaster.
"Your ketchup-you will not need it," Yoda warned.
Luke tightened the food belt anyway. "Shows what you know, Yoda. Everybody needs a little KFC-and in my book, that means Ketchup For Chicken." He walked off, towards the organic refrigeration unit that was calling to him. A sudden thought gave him pause. "Wait a minute. If KFC is the dark meat, then why would there be any of it in a refrigerator here? You been eatin' at KFC?" He turned around to face Yoda.
Yoda didn't meet his eyes. He merely shook his head and drew circles with his Twizzler. "Not my refrigerator, it is. Here it was, when I got here."
Luke seemed less than convinced, but he headed towards the chill he sensed in the Food. He opened the door to the giant fridge and stepped in. An eerily dim white light greeted him, as did a great deal of fungi and various slithering animals. He grabbed hold of some of the sausage links and lowered himself down into the vegetable crisper.
"Rrraagh. Ssssss!" A reptilian creature said to him.
Luke ignored it and braved onward. Suddenly, a brighter light appeared, and darkness itself seemed to emerge from within. A towering man-machine in black armor, clutching a giant KFC Original Recipe drumstick, stalked forward.
Executive Vice President Darth Vader himself!
Luke backed away and pulled his own Tex-Mex drumstick. Vader lurched forward with a snack attack, which Luke deflected with his drumstick. Luke went for the grill, lunging at Vader's head. The flavor burned right through and knocked Vader's head clean off his shoulders.
Vader's body collapsed in a heap.
The helmet rolled away from Luke. Luke leaned over to look at it. "Uh...a little help?"
A slot in Vader's armor opened, revealing two eyes. A muffled voice was heard. "Are you kidding? You can't walk over there yourself?"
"Uh, no...it's um...you're kind of in the way, man. Can you just...you know, roll the head over here, so I can see it?"
The voice sighed. "Next I guess you'll want me to separate your M&Ms by color!"
"If I asked you to do that, would you?"
"Shell no!"
"Oh."
The headless Vader body stood up, walked over to the Vader helmet, and kicked it over to Luke. "Do I have to fall over again?"
"Yeah. That'd be nice, for dramatic-"
Vader's body fell forward and hit the ground.
"-effect." Luke looked down at the headless body. "Hey, you okay?"
The body gestured with an 'ok' sign.
Luke nodded, then stared in terror at the helmet of the Chicken Lord.
Vader's helmet exploded, revealing a face that was identical to Luke's.
"Wow. That's kind of a...big, symbolic moment..." Luke's comlink rang. "Hello?"
"Yoda, this is."
"Oh, hi, Yoda."
"Ask you a favor, may I?"
"Uh, no."
"Left my chicken-on-the-barbie from Outback Steakhouse in the fridge, I did. Bring it with you when you return, can you?"
"Only if we can share it."
"Order your own, you will!"
"Then get your own food, you will!" Luke closed the communications link. "What a jerk chicken..."