No, I'm serious here. You have no idea what a pain in the rear these savages are. I mean, the other night, me an' one of my brothers in arms were out on patrol, ya' know, protecting your thankless butts, when I got shot in the head. No really, I was shot in the head. Grant it, these unwashed grunters have weapons akin to pee-shooters, so it didn't penetrate my helmet, but still. How do I know it was a Tusken? By the damned endless roaring, grunting, screaming and cater walling. Needless to say, me an' my partner immediately lit up the area we think the sound was coming from, and that put an end to it. The noise and the shooting stopped.

Now, it has been said that Taun-Tauns smell bad, but these "cute and cuddly" snow critters don't have squat on a Tusken that's been living in it's rags for it's whole life.... Literally. The smell of a Tusken can be best described as three hundred pounds of Hutt keister, marinated in Rancor urine for about a month, then eaten and pinched off by Jawas. That is what these damned things smell like! Why do you think we never take off our helmets out here in the heat? It's the damned stink. The Jundland Wastes are bathed in it.

An' ya know what? I can't even tell the males from the females. Yeah, yeah, the "women" wear the big golden helmet things, and the males wear the rags on their ugly heads, but you're talkin' to a guy who's tagged more of these things then I care ta count, and I've seen them with the masks off, and I can't tell which are male, and which are female.

That just ain't right, an' I don't care what planet you come from.


I'm TD-0013, and this has been "A Different Point of View"

End transmission.