With the impending approach of the Revenge of the Sith DVD, I can feel the tension in the air among Star Wars fans, which is due in no small part to the amount of discussion surrounding the Saga. Star Wars fans are very opinionated and very stubborn, nitpicking even the tiniest detail for facts and/or inconsistencies ("Leia can't possibly be remembering Padme as her mother.") or refusing to accept even the most obvious facts ("But Palpatine never actually says Darth Plagueis was his master.").

My favorite theory/argument that has come up recently is that Mace Windu is still alive, presumably because we didn't actually see him die, he just fell and disappeared. I mean, he's a powerful Jedi Master. The full on Sith lightning might not have electrocuted him to death (Luke survived in Jedi), and he only plummeted about a hundred stories to the ground. He might have survived. This prompted me to think up a possible alternate ending to Return of the Jedi:

During the end celebration scene, it cuts to Palpatine's empty office, and we see the arm of Mace Windu reach through and open window and finally pull himself up (with only one hand, it would have taken about thirty years to climb all the way back up), followed by an iris out to a title card: "THE END ?" DUM DUM DAAAA!!!

If you buy that one, I've got a nice piece of swampland to sell you.

But then, a lot of people, including Academy Award-winning director Steven Spielberg, bought the ending of War of the Worlds. (Just a warning, but there be spoilers ahead.) No, I'm not talking about the deus ex machina virus that killed the aliens. I'm talking about when Tom Cruise's son ran off to fight the aliens on the other side of a hill that two seconds later was consumed in a FIVE STORY HIGH WALL OF FIRE. But at then end, we discover that the son was cheerfully safe in the unscathed Boston brownstone of his mother. Okay, now I can see why people believe Mace is still alive. If that snotty kid can survive a FIVE STORY HIGH WALL OF FIRE (that turned a Hummer into Mustafar on wheels, by the way) and make it to Boston before Tom Cruise, surely Master Windu can survive electrocution and a little fall.

But I did get to thinking about what I call the "She's been dead for ten years" phenomenon. That is an oft overused plot device found in many a movie or TV show in which a plot twist is revealed that makes absolutely no sense but forces the writers (and audience) to come to a reasonable explanation. The name comes from an old episode of "Friends" when Joey was cast in an independent movie (that fell through), which had the twist that he fell in love with a girl only to find out she's been dead for ten years. The reading of the line "She's been dead for ten years" is particularly hilarious when Joey is explaining the plot to Chandler.

I am also a big fan of "Alias" which uses this plot device more than any show I've ever seen. ("Sydney, you don't really work for the CIA but a front for a criminal organization." "Sydney, your mother didn't die in that car crash and she was a Russian spy!" "Sydney, you've been missing for two years!" "Sydney, I'm not really Michael Vaughan.") Now, Star Wars has had it's share of plot twists--Vader is Luke's father, Leia is Luke's twin sister, (and I imagine if you watch in order with the prequels first) the friendly Senator Palpatine is the Dark Lord of the Sith--but there isn't much that is outlandishly Keyser Soze-esque in the saga.

So, in the spirit of good fun, I've decided to come up with a few of my own that would be sure to throw the entire saga in a tizzy (or at least make for some good Infinities plots). If Star Wars was like "Alias", it might go something like this:

Princess Leia witnessed first hand the destruction of Alderaan by the Death Star, but what she didn't know was that before her home planet was destroyed, Bail Organa escaped and is STILL ALIVE!

And...

We all thought that the man behind Vader's mask was Anakin Skywalker, but what we didn't know was that the real Anakin had been dead for twenty years, and the man behind the mask was really... BAIL ORGANA!!

The Clone Wars are long since over, the Empire has been destroyed, and Luke Skywalker is rebuilding the Jedi Order, but what he didn't count on was that... GENERAL GRIEVOUS IS STILL ALIVE!!

We all know that Leia is Luke's sister, but what no one realized is that the adopted daughter of Bail Organa was accidentally switched after birth with... MARA JADE!!!

We all thought that Shmi Skywalker died in the arms of her son on Tatooine, but what not even Anakin knew was that she was a clone of a woman who went by the name of... DARTH PLAGUEIS!!!!

We've all come to see Palpatine as the puppet master, but what we didn't know was that the man pulling the strings behind the scenes the whole time was really... WEDGE ANTILLES!!!!

Finally, for you EU fans out there...

We all thought the Emperor was finally destroyed with his reborn clone in Dark Empire, but what no one realized was that his evil spirit now inhabits the body of... JACEN SOLO!!!!!


Okay, that's all I got. Hope you enjoyed. Now, go out and order your copy of the Revenge of the Sith DVD containing the anticipated deleted scene revealing that the father of Padme's children was not Anakin Skywalker.