(Crowds gather in the large auditorium. Fireworks crackle through the sky and flashing lights swirl across the sliding doors on the stage. Smoke puffs through the air)

Loudspeaker: Warning! Warning! You must use your imagination to properly read this blog! Without it, all you will see is just a bunch of ramblings! Thank you!

[backstage]
(A lone person sits on a small beanbag chair speaking to a monkey)
MM13: You're sure the phone lines are up.
Monkey: Yes.
MM13: And the Jedi are ready.
Monkey: Yes.
MM13: And you've got the dancing monkeys choreographed?
Monkey: Of course.
MM13: Then start the music...and get me a banana smoothie. The 100th Blog Celebration has begun!!!
(explosions on stage)

[on stage]
(MM13 strides in through a cloud of smoke as the crowd cheers. Then, all is silent)
MM13: Thank you all!
(Music slowly starts in the background, the tune is easily recognizable, We Are The Champions by Queen)
(A smoke cloud once again shrouds the stage, as the smoke clears MM13 is seen surrounded by his monkey minions grooving to the music...as the chorus begins they fall down and do the Worm)
"We are the champions, my friends! And we'll keep on fightin' 'til the end!"
(The song ends with another fireworks explosion as the crowd applaudes)

(silence)

MM13: Thank you all! I'm so glad that you came! This is a very special day for me. Well, my blog all started on May 27th, 2006 when I wrote my first blog. This came after a small conflict in the blogs; many bloggers had attempted to write limericks and what not. They hadn't gotten a very good response. I went out on a limb and wrote...
(a cell phone rings)
Man: Hold on a second, I gotta take this.
MM13: Okay?
Man: Yeah, uh-huh, got it.
MM13: What's up?
Man: My wife said I need to get milk on the way home.
MM13: 2% or 1%?
Man: What?
MM13: Look up the Milk Scale please!
MM13: So anyway, I wrote a joke. Some said it was great, some thought it was okay. That was fine with me.
Man: 2%.
MM13: Quiet please! So anyway, thus it began. My original avatar was Yarael Poof.

Announcer: And now it's time to hear a word from our sponsors!
Crowd: Boooooooooo!!!!!!

[commercial]
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[back on stage]
MM13: Now it's time for our first activity of the night! Phone calls! Alright...Line 1, you're on.
Anonymous Caller #1: Hello chum!
MM13: Uhhhh, hi.
#1: I say, do you have Prince Albert in a can?
MM13: I don't believe that I understand your question.
#1: Well, you'd better let him out! Ha! ha! ha! ha!

MM13: Okay....so we'll move on to Line 2...hello!
Anonymous Caller #2: Dude, what is the square root of a flexnarg?
MM13: That's easy! A plate of boogers!
(crowd "oooohs" and "ahhhhs" in awe)

Anonymous Caller #3: Hello, I'm a bald Sith, my lack of hair is keeping me from finding a girlfriend.
MM13: Sorry buddy, but there's really nothing I can do to help you.
#3: Okay.


MM13: OK, we're done taking calls now, lets move on with my blogging story. So, I got my first front page blog on July 17th, 2006. I was so happy. On December 2nd, 2006, I left on break. It took a little longer than I wished, and, in reality, lasted until October 25th, 2007. Now I'm back!
Woman: Booo! Why should we listen to you?!
(3PO walks in)
3PO: Becuase he's holding a thermal detonator! Oh no!!!!!!!
(crowds panics)
MM13: No, no really! It's fake!
(crowd returns)

MM13: So, for my final activity, I've brought in Star Wars characters to speak!
(Palpatine hovers in)
Palpatine: UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!
MM13: Thanks, so, we always hear about you being really evil, what do you say about that?
Palpatine: UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!
MM13: Alright...someone take him away.
(Monkey guards drag him off the stage)
Palpatine: UNLIMI....
MM13: They're going to take you somewhere safe, okay?

(Obi-Wan sneaks into the building)
MM13: Hi!
Obi-wan: Hey, do you know this lady named Granny-Wan?
MM13: Yeah.
Obi-Wan: Cool, so tell her I've lifted the restraining order as long as she doesn't follow me home and sing outside my window anymore.
MM13: Sure. I'm sure she'll be happy!

MM13: Well, this is all the time we have today! Thank you all for your endless support of me and my blog. I hope to see you around for many years to come! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waiters, and, uh, Good night!

Monotonous voice: Thank you for reading this blog. This blog has been for entertainment purposes only. MasterMonkey13 does not want you to think he is conceited or constipated by writing such a long blog.

(A cloud of smoke surrounds him)

MM13: Really, I want to thank you all for reading my blogs. No profanity please. May the Force be with us all! God bless! Thank you.