My dearest Johnathan,

It is very hard to explain much less express my feelings at this moment, but let me start by saying YOU ARE LOVED. I don't know what happened in those early morning hours when you were senselessly taken from us. How dare your aggressor decide your fate. Didn't he know you were a son, a father and a brother? Didn't he care?

In the mornings now for one brief second when I first open my eyes, my mind is blank and all is right with the world. What would I give to live in that brief moment for the rest of my life. But all too soon reality returns hitting me like a brick... reality and immense pain.

You were one of my reasons for living. All of this seems like a bad dream. I walk in a daze as my mind tries to grasp an understanding of why this happened while my heart tries to shield itself from the confusion of this whole episode of your life and mine.

How beautiful you were. How humble and funny, such a comedian. I remember how we would laugh when you play wrestled with your brother in slow motion. I remember how you were always smiling. I remember your perfect teeth. I remember how you looked so much like me. You were good at baseball, running and you loved to surf. Most of all I remember how you used to tell me "I love you Mami". There is so much to remember and for those memories I am thankful.

I want you to know that more than 100 people came to say goodbye to you. Also my dear sisters of The Spew along with my dear friends on the GHG are praying for you and trying their best to console me. And as all here on SW.com are my friends, I am advising them of your passing. I so wish all of them would have known you personally.

I end this letter with the words of your older brother Jason..."Mami, I don't feel well. A piece of my heart is missing".

Know that you will always be in what's left of my heart.

Mom


In loving memory of my son Johnathan

May 1, 1977 - May 1, 2008