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My dearest Johnathan,
It is very hard to explain much less express my feelings at this moment, but let me start by saying YOU ARE LOVED. I don't know what happened in those early morning hours when you were senselessly taken from us. How dare your aggressor decide your fate. Didn't he know you were a son, a father and a brother? Didn't he care?
In the mornings now for one brief second when I first open my eyes, my mind is blank and all is right with the world. What would I give to live in that brief moment for the rest of my life. But all too soon reality returns hitting me like a brick... reality and immense pain.
You were one of my reasons for living. All of this seems like a bad dream. I walk in a daze as my mind tries to grasp an understanding of why this happened while my heart tries to shield itself from the confusion of this whole episode of your life and mine.
How beautiful you were. How humble and funny, such a comedian. I remember how we would laugh when you play wrestled with your brother in slow motion. I remember how you were always smiling. I remember your perfect teeth. I remember how you looked so much like me. You were good at baseball, running and you loved to surf. Most of all I remember how you used to tell me "I love you Mami". There is so much to remember and for those memories I am thankful.
I want you to know that more than 100 people came to say goodbye to you. Also my dear sisters of The Spew along with my dear friends on the GHG are praying for you and trying their best to console me. And as all here on SW.com are my friends, I am advising them of your passing. I so wish all of them would have known you personally.
I end this letter with the words of your older brother Jason..."Mami, I don't feel well. A piece of my heart is missing".
Know that you will always be in what's left of my heart.
Mom
In loving memory of my son Johnathan
May 1, 1977 - May 1, 2008
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http://blogs.starwars.com/jedilily1026/56 |
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Jedi Temple Acolyte
Idealistic Crusade
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 5:18 AM
What a touching letter. I am so sorry for your loss. You don't know me, but please know that I will keep you and your family in my prayers. The title of your blog reminded me of something beautiful I experienced recently; here is the link. I hope it doesn't offend you or make you more sad. That is not my intention.
~ Love from a fellow SW fan
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DJ Maul: Got Feet?
DJ Maul's Dancin' Cantina Party
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 5:31 AM
Lily, no mother should EVER have to bury her own son....I feel for your loss and my thoughts are with you still.
when you feel that pain, try and hold onto those GOOD memories you talk about in this letter and while it may be hard, think of him and smile.
He will never be truly GONE as long as he remains in your heart and memory.
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Darth_Hiram
A Journey into The Force
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 5:45 AM
Lily, my condolences and sympathy go out to you ... this is something no parent should have to endure. May you find strength at this time, and please know all your friends here at SW.com are thinking about you.
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MasterOoroo
Star Wars Miniatures INITIATIVE
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 6:13 AM
My condolences. I'm very sorry for you. I'm thinking about you and I will make a prayer for your son.
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PrincessAngel39
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 6:30 AM
I am also a mother, and I can really understand how you are feeling. From your words I infer that he has not died by natural reasons, and this is even sadder. Burying one's children is unnatural, and our mind and our heart cannot accept it.
Of course you do not know me, but all mothers feel the same about their children. I am deeply sorry for you. Your son's child/ren can be a great comfort to you, and probably will need your support. They are a part of him, and of you too.
My warmest condolences.
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usetheforce19
MasterMonkey13
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 6:41 AM
Wow, I'm very sorry for your loss. Jonathan seemed like such a nice kid. My prayers go out to you and your family. Just as DJ said, no mother should ever have to bury her own son.
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hansgirl3
Invoking the Squee
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 8:53 AM
(((Lily)))
Your letter is just beautiful, dear friend. I can't imagine what it took for you to write it. That just shows how strong you are and that you can get through this.
As Deej said, just hold on to those wonderful memories and think about all the good times you had with him when you start feeling low. Always remember that we're here for you, too, when you need us.
All my love!! 
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ewanandhaydenfan5
I Have You Now!
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 9:00 AM
(((LILY)))
Honey, my heart is breaking for you. No parent expects to lose their child like this, but you've been so strong.
This was a beautiful tribute. Johnathan sounds like someone who would've been great to know.
I've been thinking of you and sending love your way. Remember, you can call me any time.
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nob01
Oil Bath Bubbles
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 9:17 AM
There's a lot of love for you here, Lily. I hope you take some comfort and strength from that.
Kuldip and I are keeping you in our thoughts.
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gencrs
Technical Manuals from The GFFA
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 10:10 AM
Lily, I'm truely sorry about your son. Knowing what my mom just went through, I can imagine what you're going through. As has been said before, hang on to the good memories of your son. If you need to, feel free to call me.
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zam-eli
From the mind of ZAM-ELI
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 10:50 AM
i'm so sorry for your loss, know that we're always here for you, even if we don't know you as well, and of course you have those that talk to on myspace. (like me hehehe) well i know it may be hard for you these days, and of course knowing that things won't be the same, but don't lose faith. i'm not religious as much, but i know that no matter where he is, he's with you in memory and in your heart... MTFBWY. always....
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Sarlacc-Pitt
Slowly Digested Over A Thousand Blogs
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 11:19 AM
Oh, my goodness.... Lily... I am so, so sorry to "hear" of this. This letter you wrote for your son is beautiful and touching.
You are such a nice person, and no one should have to go through this. This is so tragic, but I know that you know that there are many people who really care about you. I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss, and you have all of my sympathies and condolences.
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Jedi Master Mina
Jedi blogging, go back to your drinks!
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 12:16 PM
I'm at a loss for words...and have been since I heard of this news from one of our Spew Sisters. Know that I am thinking of you, praying for you and am here for you. May you find comfort in the simplest things that remind you of him.
Beautiful dedication letter, Lily.
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jediprincess77
I Know...
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 12:56 PM
I'm sitting here at work reading this, crying my eyes out...but I could care less what people think of me. All I want is to pray for my friend, the loving mother in immeasurable pain.
Here for you, thinking of you, and loving you, always.
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viagoangel2
Were Anakin and Padme' really one?
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 1:00 PM
Dear, sweet Lily, I love you. No words can ease the depth of your sorrows, so just know that I'm here for you, now and always.
Strong, you are. Loved by many, don't forget that.
Beautiful letter, Lily, just like the Mother you are and will continue to be.
Much love and prayers coming your way and to your family as well.
infinite (((((((Hugs))))))))
Love YOU!
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Senator Soph-ia
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 1:16 PM
Oh, Lily. Thank you for sharing some of your memories of Jonathan with us.
I'm going to cry all over again. I don't know how you can stand it.
Yes -- yes, I do. Because he would've wanted you to. To live and to continue and to be happy; to remember him always. To tell his children stories -- just like the ones shared above -- that his grandchildren will tell their children. And in this way, he will live on.
Please forgive our ramblings. . .we so want to help, to reach out. Please feel all of our love and concern.
(((hugs)))
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jedilily1026
Years Matter Not (Gone Crazy...Be Back Soon)
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 1:57 PM
Thank you all for your kind words of condolence. Yes the letter was hard to write but I needed to write something down about this inasmuch as my mind is trying to "cope" and who better to read my thoughts than all of you my friends. My life has forever changed.
By next week I hope to be able to speak to some of you via telephone. You are all so supportive and that is what I need right now. (((HUGS))) to all.
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Michelle1968
M68- Star Wars Kid at Heart
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 2:47 PM
My heart is in my throat Lily, just like it was the day you called me with this news. 
That was a beautiful letter... the most beautiful one I've ever seen.
Love you so... call me
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MomOf2YoungPadawan
Mamadala's Lair
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 2:50 PM
Oh, dearest Lily...my heart aches for you and the horrible loss of your dear son. Tears are dripping on my keyboard as I type this. Thank you so much for sharing this letter and your wonderful, special memories.
I cannot imagine the pain and sorrow you are feeling right now. It is every mother's fear that something will hurt their babies, but when it becomes reality for some...oh, Lily...I'm just so sorry, sweetheart. I wish there were something I could do to help you in some way. Please know I'm here as a firend and Sister - always. Love you so much, babe.
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JediITL
The Blog Trooper
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 3:16 PM
Oh my gosh... I'm so sorry... I don't know (Hopefully never will) what's it like to lose a child. But I can guess that it's amazingly sad and painful... That is something I would never be able to overcome. I'm so terribly sorry... And may the kidnapper suffer seven fold!
May your son never be forgotten. He will be and is loved world 'round due to your message.
The Force will be with you... Always...
- Obi-Wan Kenobi, A New Hope
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Darth_Buir
Together we can rule the galaxy as father and son.
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 4:18 PM
Lily I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I don't know you, but I have often looked forward to reading your latest thoughts, although this is something that I wish nobody should have to go through and I admire your courage. Reading your words has brought a lump to my throat. As a father I cannot begin to imagine how you feel. I can only echo the sentiments expressed here already, our thoughts are with you and I hope that you can find solace in the memories you have.
MTFBWY DD
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GalacticBabe
I Have a Bad Feeling About This!
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 5:58 PM
This was a beautiful tribute to your son, Lily!
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry! Any words that are said would probably sound hollow, Just know that I am and always be here for you, and you can call me any time.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you, Sister!!
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noiamyourfather72
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 7:40 PM
What's left to say that hasn't already been said? However, there are no words that can undo what has been done or that will take the pain away. Just know that we are all here for you. We are all praying for you.
May the Force be with you.
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padmeskywalker77
Padme's Legacy
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 8:05 PM
((((LILY))))
My thoughts and prayers have been with you since last week, and my heart has been aching for you and what you are going through.
You are a strong woman with the love and support of very good friends behind you. Remember, we are all here for you
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cowboy_11c
Musings from the Shadowlands
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date Posted: May 08, 2008 11:25 PM
As a parent how has also had to bury a child, I can understand what you're feeling. Know that you and your dear departed are in all our hearts and minds.
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Oboe-Wan
Oboe-Wan's Hive of Scum & Villainy
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date Posted: May 09, 2008 7:47 AM
Lily, I have no words, but my heart aches for you.
A musician friend of mine died a few years back & our dear Amidalooine said "it's like a note from a chord is missing" to comfort me. I pass along her words, and yet I know nothing we say will truly help.
xo
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Chris2OneBee
The Comatose Blog of Chris2OneBee
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date Posted: May 09, 2008 2:33 PM
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's the last thing I expected to read about. I've had the luxury of not experiencing much loss in my life, yet, being a bit young. But the person I did lose (though not so much in death) taught me about how it works. It's just never simple. It hurts for a long time, and I don't know if it gets better or not, but that's okay. Why? Because that pain, bad as it is, is only there because the love you had was just as deep. And it's the love that helps you get through, the love and the good memories you will always have. So hold onto the love. You will be alright, in time.
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Jade Sabre777
A luminous being, I am...
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date Posted: May 13, 2008 10:32 PM
Wow Lily, I am SO sorry........ I can't even imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Qui-Tom Servo loves Padme
You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned
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date Posted: May 14, 2008 1:19 PM
Lily, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I hope and pray that you will find peace and comfort in the memories of your son. I hope that my meager words can offer you some comfort, but rest assured that you will see your son again, and that he will know and remember you, as you will know and remember him. While tragic and incomprehensivly difficult to deal with, death does not sever the ties that bind. It merely separates us for a while, but that separation is only temporary. You will see your son again. God bless you.
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JediMelindaWolf
Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
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date Posted: May 19, 2008 7:47 AM
Dearest lily,
I hope that, by the time you read this, the sharp edge to your pain has lessened. I wish there were words I could write to express the depth of my sympathy, but I just can't find them. I am so sorry for your loss, and please know that, wherever you go, I am thinking of you and hoping that, with each passing day, you are able to smile a little bit more each time you think of your beautiful son. As long as he is in your heart, he never is truly gone.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. We love you.
(((lily)))
MTFBWY,
JMW
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megatrends
Confessions of a Psychotic Jawa
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date Posted: May 25, 2008 1:54 AM
Sorry I missed this blog but i gave you my thoughts at the GHG too. I am so sad that you have lost so much.
The GHG is having a group chat today (sunday) @ 8pmPT which is about 11PM ET I/we would love it so much if you could join us and laugh for a little while.
I sent you an invite already earlier last night.
I hope to see you deary 
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WifeofVader
Tales from the Death Star
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date Posted: Aug 06, 2008 6:35 AM
I've been praying for you since DPM passed this news along to me...
I've been too long gone from the blogs and finally saw this when I came to look at the more recent one. This is beautifully written...
Thinking of you always,
Your Friend,
-K.
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