Just remember, "He who breaks the law (or watches these movies) goes back to the house of pain!"

If you missed part one of this blog feature you can check it out here - Bad Movies I Love! Part One

Let's pick up where we left off. Next up on my list is...

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996 remake) - This movie is so bizarre, not in a good way necessarily, but I think that's what makes it so interesting to me. You can just see the principle actors thinking 'What the (insert expletive here) am I doing in this picture?' I don't even think Brando is really even acting in this one. They probably filmed this on his own island so the producers would make sure he would just show up. And I wouldn't had put it past him that he probably really had a little naked man with a tail who payed duet on his piano. Brando is just unbelievably weird and creepy here. It's fun watching Kilmer slowy go insane throughtout the movie because I get the feeling he probably did for real too. A clueless David Thewlis kind of just exists in this picture and probably is thinking "everyone IS going crazy". Ron (Hellboy) Perlman is actually cool for his few scenes as the "Ram-man" leader of the man-animals.

But what makes this movie watchable every time it comes on cable for me is Fairuza Balk. Meow (literally, see the movie)! I love her in anything she does. Something about her that just captivates me. I think it's her eyes, lips, raven dark hair, the sexy, whiny, raspy voice... OK, I could go on but I digress.

This movie has a great moody and haunting score (a soundtrack I actually own on CD). With it's beautiful scenery and the scenery chewing actors, this film is an experiment (an experiment gone bad perhaps) in viewing and not for everyone.

Speaking of Fairuza...

The Craft - Cheesy fun but regardless a bad or perhaps just mediocre movie that, for better or worse, undoubtedly inspired recent witchy TV fare like Charmed. Also starring are Robin (End of Days) Tunney along with Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich of future Scream fame. I like this one alot mainly for Ms. Balk though. She's captivating as the bad seed of the group of young witches hellbent on acceptance and revenge. So sue me.

House on Haunted Hill (1999 remake) - I really like Geoffrey Rush as the Vincent Price character in this movie though he comes off more like "Snidely Whiplash". He indeed shines (pun intended) here and you can tell he's playing it all for laughs. But he instills into the character enough evil and believability that you still invest in his character and just can't wait 'til he gets it. He also has great chemistry with sultry Famke Janssen in their scenes together and the ensemble cast make the most out of the decent horror-fare material.

I liked this much better than the other William Castle remake Thirteen Ghosts. That one was OK but not enjoyable enough for me to call it a "bad movie I love", just more of a "bad movie". Though the creature designs and ghost effects were pretty cool and the trap design of the house itself was interesting in that remake. They really should remake the Castle classics Homicidal or The Tingler. As fun as those flicks are I would pay to see those get updated and makeover treatment.

John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars and Vampires - Now what elevates these from just bad movies to bad movies I love and kinda love respecitvely are Natasha Henstridge and James Woods (again, respectively). Heck, even Ice Cube in GoM is enjoyable. Not so much for his bad acting but for the pompous swaggering and bad attitude he usually brings to his characters in films. It works well enough for him here.

But Natasha actually acts circles around everyone in this film and looks sooo good kicking butt at the same time. Sorry Jason (The Transporter, Snatch, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels) Statham. I like you in this movie but she steals the show here. A glorified cameo by eternally sexy and tough Pam Grier, though she comes off quite man-ish here, rounds out a decent ensemble cast.

And Jimmy Woods in Vampires is so cool and funny in this movie that without him this flick would have derailed even further than it already had. He plays his character to a "T", almost too over the top but not quite. And it even features the beautiful (and scantily clad) Sheryl Lee to help get you though the painful Baldwin brother scenes.

Honorable mentions and other guilty pleasures -

They Live - This Carpenter movie turns into a wrestling match for fifteen minutes halfway through the plot for no other reason than to have "Rowdy" Roddy Piper show off his skills... and to get Keith (The Thing) David to wear a pair of special sunglasses. I love it.

The Ninth Gate - This Roman Polanski misfire is truly a gem just for watching Johnny Depp go to town with his 'book detective' character. And Frank Langella, who was actually great as Skeletor in Masters of the Universe (though that one is so bad it doesn't make my list - sorry!), is reliable and enjoyable as the satanic-minded book collector.

Con Air - See also The Rock and Gone in Sixty Seconds for similarily guilty, face-wincing, brain numbing Nicolas Cage experiences.

And last but not least,

The Beastmaster - From horror genre cult director Don Coscarelli (Phantasm, Bubba Ho-Tep) and a pre-V Marc Singer, no film does bad better than this movie. If you haven't seen this epic masterpiece of fantasy then shame on you. Though you should be able to catch it on a weekend afternoon just about *anywhere* on the planet with basic cable service. As a matter of factly, I just watched it on Skin-emax the other night.

That's all for now but feel free add your picks to this article in the comments below. I know there must be dozens more on my list since I really do enjoy bad movies, some may have been just so bad I probably blocked them temporarily from memory though.