I saw The Phantom Menace thirteen times in the theater... twelve screenings during its original theatrical run, and once during its charity re-release in December of 1999. What can I say? I was in college, I had waited for the movie my whole life, and I had zero interest in seeing Will Smith's Wild Wild West. And besides, I'm sure there are plenty of fans who'd read this and think, "Thirteen times? That's nothing!"

Seeing one movie so often in a short span of time was an odd experience. At least once during every screening (with the exception of the first), my mind would drift away from the plot and dialogue and I'd find myself concentrating on some silly, inconsequential detail. And so, here's a journal of some of those thoughts, in the form a list.

Presenting...

My Top Ten Reactions Upon Viewing The Phantom Menace

#10 --- (sixth screening) Is it secret place or sacred place? Jar Jar needs muy muy subtitles.

#9 --- (tenth screening) Great, Darth Maul just made a four year-old cry. Where the hell are this kid's parents?

#8 --- (third screening) Sheezus, look at him next to Nute! Darth Maul is tiny!

#7 --- (ninth screening) Why would Nute Gunray care if Naboo is a democracy? Sio Bibble, you so crazy.

#6 --- (second screening) Now that I've seen this movie twice in one weekend, Natalie Portman is the closest thing I have to a girlfriend.

#5 --- (seventh screening) What a scene! Jake Lloyd's performance is really pretty good!

#4 --- (eighth screening) Ugh, what a scene. Jake Lloyd's performance is kinda weak.

#3 --- (fourth screening) Okay, Darth Sidious isn't in the credits, but Jabba the Hutt is. George Lucas, you so crazy.

#2 --- (thirteenth screening) Is it midnight? Did I just turn 21? While watching Episode I?

And my #1 Phantom Menace response was --- (fifth screening) Ooooh here it comes here it comes here it comes! Pan into Palpatine's giant shnozz........... NOW!