I had a recent discussion with a co-worker regarding the role of a friend, which set me to thinking about the nature of friendship. Being the great big Star Wars geek that I am, I related it all in my mind to Obi-Wan Kenobi - how he failed as a friend, and where he succeeded. At least, from my point of view.

There is no question that Obi-Wan regarded Anakin as a friend - so dear to him that he loved him like a brother. He looked out for Anakin, guided him and trusted him. There is nothing Obi-Wan would not have done for, and nothing from which he would not have protected, Anakin.

In Episode III, he warns Anakin about his choice of friend, Palpatine. When he charges Anakin with the task of spying on the Chancellor, he genuinely wishes he did not have to; he specifically tells him, "Trust me, Anakin, I am on your side," and makes an important distinction:

"Why are you asking me to do this?"
"The Council is asking you."

We can clearly see that Obi-Wan cares for Anakin and hates to cause him pain. Later, in their duel, he even gives Anakin a chance to walk away before "killing" him. He practically begs Anakin just to let him go, and they will walk their separate ways.

It can even be argued that Obi-Wan suspected (if he did not outright know) that Anakin was with Padme. He undoubtedly kept it to himself, to protect Anakin from the Council's retribtution.

This dovetails into what my discussion was about, which is Obi-Wan's fatal flaw as a friend: he never corrected Anakin.

A friend is someone who listens to you and protects you from harm - they are, essentially, family without the blood bond. A friend helps you out in a tough situation, and watches your back when someone is trying to take advantage of you.

But a friend also needs to correct you, and tell you when you're screwing up. A good friend does not judge; the best friend for which you could ask does not judge - but they do let you know when you're screwing up.

What would it have cost Obi-Wan to step in earlier in Anakin's relationship with Palpatine and say to him, "Look, you're too close to the situation. You have to be able to judge situations without his influence." What would have been wrong with Obi-Wan telling Anakin: "Look, you're happy with Padme; you're happy as a Jedi. You can't be both, so you have to choose. And no hard feelings either way."

It would have cost him nothing. A friend should not indulge you, and let you make costly mistakes without stepping in and saying, "Hey, that's a bad idea. You shouldn't do it."

This was the source of my disagreement with my co-worker. They're of the opinion that it is the role of a friend to play it like Owen, and not get involved. They think that if you thow a little blunt honesty at your friend, they will hold a grudge and might not forgive you for telling them they're acting in a hurtful way - or a way that is ultimately against their best interest.

You can still be friends. You can still confide in each other. You can also call them out when they're acting in a way which hurts themselves or others.
People do not always think clearly when they make decisions; a friend is supposed to provide that clarity - a sounding board for your decisions, not an echo chamber.

I can forgive Obi-Wan's flaw because it's based on love. He wants Anakin to be happy, and that's because he cares about him. It's better to have a flaw that stems from love than a flaw that stems from hate or jealousy.

But it's still a flaw. Be a good friend, and let your friends know - "I'm not judging you, I'm just offering you another point of view."

If you're lucky, you'll be able to avoid cutting them into pieces and letting them burn in a lava bath. Because odds are, they're less likely to forgive that than a little honesty.