This subject has been blogged about countless times, but has anyone used this great question as a springboard for a foray into the fundamentals principles of blogging, the essence of the official site, and perhaps even human nature itself? I think not!

And so, embarking upon this quest for knowledge, I spent many hours in lonely contemplation (read: ten minutes of fooling around on Photoshop), and managed to develop a great theorem. Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

The Marvolo7 Theory of Star Wars.com Bloggery

The Marvolo7 theory of Star Wars.com bloggery was developed to provide a rational explanation for the popularity of the short blogs, usually in the form of a question and laced with misspellings, which grace the webpages of the official site. After several lonely, sleepless nights in front of the computer and countless cups of coffee as I conducted my rigorous and intensive scientific study, my theory was proven to be correct.

Here's a graph.

As the graph clearly shows, as the uselessness (represented numerically by the quality of the blog, multiplied by negative one) of the blog increases, it receives an increasing number of comments. Useless blogs can be identified by their lack of proper spelling, punctuation, excessive use of online chatroom-style language, and abundance of questions that would best be answered using a simple google search.

With any mention of Mace Windu and/or a purple lightsaber, the number of comments received increases exponentially.

Since the blog's position on the popularity page is dependent upon the number of visits it receives from unique IP addresses, a snowballing effect will occur, affecting the blog's overall popularity. As increasing numbers of visitors happen upon this blog, the blog will be pushed closer and closer to number one when blogs are sorted by popularity. As the blog approaches the top spot, increasing numbers of visitors will notice the blog, and immediately click the link to see what all the fuss is about. As a result, the blog is more and more quickly pushed up the page.

The snowball effect may be a direct consequence of the train wreck complex. The train wreck complex is a rather bizarre part of human behaviour, yet it provides a reasonable explanation for bizarre human tendencies. Scientific studies have shown that a large majority of human beings, when noticing an inevitable and terrible disaster such as a train wreck, will continue to stare because they believe it to be compelling. The average blogger who frequents the official Star Wars site is subject to the same strange tendencies of human nature. Upon viewing a link to what promises to be short blog, usually centered around a useless question or a hypothetical fight-to-the-death between bounty hunters with an abundance of spelling mistakes, bloggers proceed to read the entry. This may be due to intellectual laziness, or the train wreck complex. Bloggers will often comment or read such an entry because they simply cannot look away from this hyperspace disaster.

Intellectual laziness is also the cause of the popularity of short blogs. When questioned, 99.8% of hyperspace members stated that it takes less time to read a two-line blog than a two thousand word blog. Therefore, bloggers who do not wish to think are five time more likely to read a two-liner than lengthy blog in its entirety.

The presence of purple lightsabers, however, is a separate phenomenon. For possibly several utterly inexplicable reasons, the idea of purple lightsabers and/or Mace Windu is absolutely enthralling for those who frequent the official site, compelling them to immediately place their cursor over the words "purple lightsaber" or "Mace Windu" and click without a second thought. Findings were inconclusive as to why this phenomenon occurs.

Furthermore, there are several other factors to consider, rendering my graph a mere oversimplification of a complex phenomenon. For example, the proximity of the date of release of the blog in question to a Friday will have a large effect on its popularity. The typical Star Wars.com blogger is characterized by his residing at home with his parents and his lack of a social life. Therefore, every Friday night, the blogs are abuzz with activity by Star Wars fans who are left at home alone, reduced to scouring the internet for information on purple lightsabers. As a result, a terrible blog will gain more popularity based on how close to Friday the blog is published.

Because of these complications, I have developed a simple formula to determine the number of comments one can expect to receive.

Just sit back and let the professor explain.

"C" represents the number of comments that a blog receives.
"L" is a numerical value that represents the number of lines filled in a blog entry.
"s" is a value equal to the total of all spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes, including each instance of chatroom-style shorthand.
"P" is any mention of Mace Windu (any alternate spellings of this Jedi's name are acceptable), or purple lightsabers.
"f" is the proximity of the date that the blog is released to a Friday night, in days.

Using this simple formula, one can easily determine how many comments they will receive, and determine whether publishing such a blog is worth their time and effort.

According to my calculations, this blog will generate precisely 0.35 comments. This number is high for a blog of this length, due to this entry's multiple mentions of purple lightsabers.

It's a gorram train wreck, kids.


© The previous findings are the property of The Scientific Institute for the Improvement of Blogging, copyright 2006. None of the previous findings are scientifically or mathematically viable, and are not to be relied upon. The previous statements were ridiculous generalizations, and are not to be taken seriously in the slightest.