I would like to blame...ummmm...thank Stooge and Ami for the idea for this blog.


The Star Wars Diet*

Now with the proliferation of different diets available, you may be asking yourself why the Star Wars diet? What makes it so much better than all the others? Well, that's simple. All of the methods in this diet book, uh, blog, have been proven in a galaxy far, far away. And, as we all know, everything in a galaxy far, far away is just awesome (except Jar-Jar, but you knew that).

The Limb Removal Diet Plan
This particular diet is fairly easy to carry out, although it may take awhile to execute.
Step one: Become a brooding figure, sure of your own superiority.
Step two: Dress in black, even though you are a good guy (at this point).
Step three: Misread a situation that requires you to give your loyalty to a Sith lord.
Step four: Go to planet covered in lava, ostensibly to "take care of" certain Separatists leaders.
Step five: Get into a lightsaber duel with your best friend and mentor, after almost killing your pregnant wife.
Step six: Make a leap that will allow said friend and mentor to remove parts of all of your limbs.
While this method may be painful, I guarantee it will result in immediate and permanent weight loss.

Alternate Limb Removal Diet Plan
If you like the results of the previous plan, but lack access to a Sith lord, a lava planet, and a lightsaber that actually emits a pure beam of light, there is an alternate (non-SW) method.
Step one: Dress in black (because you are a bad guy).
Step two: Challenge King Arthur to a fight.
Step three: Continue to challenge King Arthur to fight, even though he has successfully cut off one of your limbs, until he has removed all four limbs.

Arms Only Limb Removal Diet Plan
If you only need to lose a little bit of weight, you may prefer this method.
Step one: Challenge a Wookiee to a game. Any game is fine, although Dejarik is the preferred choice.
Step two: Don't let the Wookiee win.
Step three: Wookiee will now pull your arms out of the socket.


Twins Diet Plan (Women Only)
This may not seem like a diet at first, but I promise it will eventually result in weight loss.
Step one: Become pregnant with twins.
Step two: Gain weight while pregnant.
Step three: Give birth. This will result in immediate weight loss.
For those of you who don't die because of your husband's new Sith lord status, continue to step four.
Step four: Once children are of an age to move under their own power, continue to lose weight while you attempt to keep up with them.
This diet will actually work with just one baby, but it is more effective if there are multiples involved.


The Yoda Diet Plan
Step one: Gather foods that Yoda likes to eat.
Step two: Get rid of all other food.
Weight loss will occur as you go without food, because humans do not find Yoda's culinary choices at all palatable. If you are not human, you may have to try a trial run to see if how the food tastes to your palate. If you find yourself liking any of the food, this diet plan is not for you. If you find yourself enjoying all of the food Yoda eats because you are of his species, please let the rest of us know what that species is and what happened to your race.

Jedi Becoming One With The Force Diet Plan
Step one: Practice extreme compassion.
Step two: Reject selfishness and personal attachment.
Step three: Die and come back a blue ghost.
As a ghost, your weight will be negligible.

Sith Becoming One With The Force Diet Plan
Step one: Save your son from torture at the hands of your master.
Step two: Die as a result of saving your son.
Step three: Come back as a blue ghost, even though you have lived the last twenty years as a Sith lord and you are unaware there is even the possibility of becoming a blue ghost.

Hair Diet Plan
Step one: Become queen of a planet that requires you to wear elaborate outfits and have elaborate coiffures.
Step two: Finish your term.
Now that you are no longer queen, you will not have to have massive hairdos. No massive hairdo equals smaller numbers on the scale.

Secret Sith Experiment Diet Plan
Step one: Become a bloodthirsty killer.
Step two: Get noticed by a Sith lord.
Step three: Get involved in an "accident" that requires almost your entire body to be replaced with cybernetic parts.
While your new metal body may technically weigh more than your previous organic body, you will be quite slender.

Rancor Diet Plan
Step one: Get a rancor.
Step two: Keep him in your kitchen.
The threat of being eaten alive should be sufficient to keep you away from the fridge.

*Disclaimer: I am neither a licensed 2-1B medical droid nor a Jedi healer. Please consult with your doctor/medical droid/healer before commencing any diet plan.