On this Star Wars eve as I and the countless sweaty masses await the blessed event, I say to myself, I says:

Self - ask not what Star Wars can do for you. Ask what you can do for Star Wars.

So since George Lucas and I are about as tight as two peas in a galaxy, I thought I'd give him a few helpful tips. I think it will become clear that hey - I know what I'm doing.

1) Firstly - 1 word - handrails. The Death Star had to be one of the most unsafe environments this side of the Rishi Maze. Aside from an odd proclivity to turn inside out and hurl it's fiery contents into space, you've got like 14 cavernous chasms of inestim..interestimab..inestimabiable....really deep depths. And no safety equipment. It just takes one time for TK-421 to bend over and tie his shoes and whoomp - he Wilhelms because a mouse droid bumps his tuckus. And then you've got yourself a realy nasty call from the Lawyer Guild.

2) I've always felt that it would have given Palpatine a little more warmth if he has some houseplants. Maybe behind his chair, you know, to fill in some of the dead spaces in his throne room. I don't know about you but he kind of came off being a little...I don't know..just not very warm. Give him a couple of ferns and a ficus I think he'd be way more likeable.

3) The Sarlaac should have a love interest, don't you think? He didn't have a lot of depth to his character, and I always felt like we could've gotten more from him if he were dating a nearby hole in the ground..err...maybe someone from the office. Maybe a nice quicksand pit. Dunno. You work that part out, you're the writer.

4) It would be a real timesaver if you abbreviated the opening scroll, that way we can get into the movie a lot faster. Think how much more you could fit into a flick if you just started out with..

"Cvl war rbls 1 big fght reb spy took DS plns Empr sinstr agnt chse Leia cuz she got plns"

5) AT-AT's are the coolest thing you ever invented. But I always thought they would be even cooler if they were ridden by massive mechanical space cowboys. Huh? Can ya feel it?

Like I say - I obviously know what I'm doing. Hopefully you'll have these out for the Mega-Special Triple-Remade Digitally Re-Un-Re-Mastered DVD Collectors Edition Box Set with all new scenes and new documentaries about making the new scenes.

All goofiness aside, with much love and admiration, we thank you, George Lucas, for Star Wars. There is no more vivid dream than that of a Star Wars fan: that something so imbued with fantasy would be real.