From the Desk of Grand Moff Tarkin:

To: The Exhaust Port Design Team
Subject: Quality Control

As you know we've been working on this old ball o' fun for quite some time now and one of the sore spots in the scheduling has been the Exhaust Port.

I know there's been some back and forth about the ray shielding.

Let me invite you into my world for a sec, mmkay? The Old Man is breathing down my backside about this project. Not to mention Dark Lord of the Freaks, and I know you know who I'm talking about.

So let's get a little team synergy going shall we? You're about 3 months behind. I want ideas on my desk by Monday morning on how to speed this up. I'll be damned if we build this technological terror and your Exhaust Port ends up being the old Banana in the Tailpipe of my project.

Now, you might notice that the subject line on this memo is "Quality Control", and let me clarify. You engineering nitpicks are making me look like a first rate nerf herder up here. You know what they're calling me around the recharge station at the officer's mess? "Old Grand Moffballs", that's what they call me. Why? Because I can't seem to get this station out of orbit.

Forget about the reinforced housing, drop this ridiculous idea about a force field, and please, please, for the luvva Sith, stop yammering on about 2 meters being too big.

It's a hole, folks. It''s hidden in a trench 5 stories deep, and you can't even see it from outer space. If a gargantuan planetoid of doom shows up on your atmospheric doorstep, trust me, no one points up and says "Oh My Force, look at the ugly tailpipe on that sucker!"

Just do your job, slap some ray shielding on it, spray it with grey primer and get 'er dun. Please. Your delaying my hour of triumph and it's making me itchy.

Let's all remember who signs for your credits up here. If you can deliver me an Exhaust Port in 2 weeks time, I'll treat everyone to a nice time at the next major population center we plunder and enslave. If you don't, I'll personally build you guys a new Exhaust Port. If you know what I mean.

Now get to work. You people are killing me up here.

GMT out

PS-

Nice job on the trench, by the way.