I have a friend of mine who, sadly, wastes her birthday every year doing...you know...birthday stuff. Never pops any of the 6 DVD's or any of the Clone Wars cartoons in. Not once. Doesn't even polish her lightsaber hilt repllica.

Because she doesn't have one. OK? Starting to get the picture?

Mind you, her birthday is today. And...like...I think she's even 30 or something. Or damned close.

Anyway, irony of ironies, she's one of the worst Star Wars fans ever. I mean it.

She doesn't know the designation or manufacturer of the Millenium Falcon. Nope. She doesn't know exactly what a nerf is, or who herds said nerfs.

She doesn't even know where the shield generators are on an Imperial Star Destroyer. Never mind which class - she doesn't know on any of them.

She doesn't know from which planet crystals are mined for Jedi padawans to make their lightsabers.

Get this - if you were to ask her to act as "Teras-Chi" in a debate, she wouldn't get the joke.

She doesn't know a single one of the Jedi fighting styles, and she thinks the word "Sith" is just misspelled.

She frequently confuses Obi-Wan Kenobi with Han Solo.

She has NO idea how many Death Stars there were. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know what they look like. She thinks Ewoks and Wookiees are interchangeable.

She once....and this hurts multiple fan bases...she once asked if Doctor Spock was "in this episode"...

She thinks the Emperor was Luke's father. I mean really.

She thinks Darth Vader is a robot.

She thinks Star Wars is about "space ships flying around in the future".

"R3-D-Fivethousandorwhatever" is as close as we'll ever get to Artoo's name, and she thinks he's the "tall goldy one".

I defy you to get her to pronouce "Yuuzhan Vong" correctly.

She has no idea who Red 5 was, she has no clue Darth Maul is a Zabrak, she couldn't point out Naboo on a Galactic map if her life depended on it, she's got no clue what a repulsorlift is for, she thinks a force-bond is something you do with a vice in woodshop, she couldn't tell you the difference between a Hyperdrive and a sublight engine, she thinks a parsec is a measurement of time instead of an expression of trigonometric parallax (..psh...no - yeah...I'm not joking, she really thinks that), she thinks Stormtroopers are comprised entirely of non-cloned recruits, and get this...

She thinks babies come from mommy bellies.

Seriously. What a nerd.

Anyway, Lindsey - May the Fourth Be With You :0)

DM out