If I were a 70-foot Transformer robot,
There'd be some changes 'round here.
I'd be a sensible compact car sometimes
But a robot most of the year.
I'd take 20 minutes to unfold
And twice as long to fold back
I'd have car doors for antlers
And wear comfortable leisure slacks

If I were a 70-foot Transformer robot,
I'd gargle engine grease
I'd demand lower interest rates
And pants that can hold a crease
I'd drink giant latte grandes
And complain about income tax
And maybe dabble in day trading
While dodging missile attacks

If I were a 70-foot Transformer robot,
I'd be different, but the same
I might be more than meets the eye
But I'd still have a goofy name
Although I'd be 7 stories tall
And have jet engines in my shoes
I'd still be slightly bald
And watch the evening news

If I were a 70-foot Transformer robot,
The truth is I'd probably suck
I wouldn't be new or different
No tricks or even good luck
I wouldn't have dashing looks
I'd still have thinning hair
But if anyone was ever rude to me
I'd step on them. So there.

DM out