I live in ChokeTown, USA. Yep.

Here from my vantage point at the corner of Throatlodge Boulevard and Avenue of the Chokemasters in the heart of the prolific choking district of Stranglation Nation, I can say that ChokeTownship has reached the pinnacle of its particular niche of entertainment. Without a doubt, we command the market in dramatic choking events on national television.

ChokeTown, by the way, is one of Darth Vader's favorite vacationing spots. He loves to while away his days at our imaginitive and popular Choking Amusement Parks, watching professional teams of chokers "do their thing". He also enjoys taking in the occasional live choking show.

In recent years, ChokeTown has hosted some of the most stunning full-on Chokefests in the world. Why...I remember....

(~~~~ insert wavey screen wash here for flashback effect ~~~~)

Game 6 of the 2006 NBA Finals, the ChokeTown Mavericks blast their way to an double digit lead over a stunned Miami Heat. Using home-choke advantage to its fullest, they pumped the crowd to manic levels of adrenaline.

Could it be? Could ChokeTown finally witness absolute victory!? Yes! This Professional Sports Team is now the Ultimate Power in the Universe! Alonzo Mourning's sourcer ways can't--!!

wait..got a little tickle in the back of my...thr..ccchh.....


"Ackk....auugg..ccchhkk....."



Good times. And then, just last year I remember.....
(~~~~~~~doodloo doodloo doodloo~~~~~)

The first round of the NBA playoffs, the ChokeTown Mavericks win an unprecedented 67 games for their franchise. They don't just lay down the Luhw, they ARE the Luhw! They are the Luhw-givahhs!! Entering the playoffs as the number 1 chokeseed in the West, they have all of ChokeTown on the edge of their seats, ripe with juicy anticipation - How will ChokeTown find a new way to capitalize on the extremes of positive and negative emotions? We didn't have long to wait!...

Here we are, facing the the PERFECT nemesis - the Golden State Warriors, the rebel scum to whom our Imperial Commander Nelly defected.

We had them now. Any attack made by the Warriors against us would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained!! This time, this ChokeTown Team really is the Ultimate Power in the Universe!! Nelly's sad devotion to his ancient religion has not helped him conjure a 67-15 rec----...!!


"Gaagghh.....chhhllkk.....agg-gg....."


Whew. Now that was Choketastic. And I remember the same year...
(~~~~~~~doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo~~~~~)

It's 2006 NFL Playoff time, and the the ChokeTown Chokeboys are high off of an incredible victory over the Bucs on Thanksgiving Day. With the highest quarterback rating in the galaxy, Tony Romo is truly the Chokin' One. All of Choketown rides an intoxicating wave of false security...

We've beaten Indy, we've beaten the best. Now, it's time to meet Seattle. Easy pickens.....could it be? Could ChokeTown finally have the recipe for Unlimited Power!!? We're just down a SINGLE POINT! There's more than a minute on the game clock!! All we have to do is boink this ball 19 yards through the uprights and we win our first playoff game in a decade!!!!! All Tony Romo has to do to secure this lasting glorious victory is hold the football upright? EEEEasy! No prob, dood!! It's in the bag! This ChokeTown Team is, without a doubt, The ULTIMATE Power in the Universe!!!!!!!....


"cough..coughcoughHACKwheeeezzz....agg...ahhgggcck....."

And really, you can't top that. That was grade A chokage. I have never seen something so small get lodged so tightly at just the right moment ever before. That was choking perfection....it...it was...

I can't go on, I get all choked up. It was beautiful, man. But even so, we topped it. Yessir, just when you thought ChokeTown couldn't do anything Chokier, we go and TOTALLY redeem ourselves. It was just last week....

(~~~~~~~doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo doodloo~~~~~)


The ChokeTown Chokeboys have done it again. All of ChokeTown has been whipped, whipped, whipped, nay, pureed, ... minced even, creamed, shreded, beaten, Frappachino'd I say, as if my some collosal appliace into a Choke-a-Lot Moose Chokerita. We've got our Pretzels. We've got our Ham Sandwiches. We've got our small plastic toy parts unsafe for children under two. We've got our Chicken Wings and our Roast Beast, too.

The Chokeboys have set about winning almost every single game. See, that's how they get ya. A franchise record season. 13-3 (pay no mind to that "13"... it is of no consequence...). Soon, the Rebels will be crushed. Our work here is done, my friend.

Now Witness the Power of this Fully Armed and Operational Terrel Owens!! Fire at will Commander Romo!!

POWER!!! UNLIMITED POWER!!!!! THIS CHOKETOWN TEAM IS NOW THE ULTIMATE POWER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!! No One Will Stop Us This Time!!!! HA HA HA HA!!! HAAA HAAA HAAAA--ch....cchk..


"ckk....Agff....gggghh......ack.....gggg....ccchkk............."


or not.

DM out






__________________________________________________________
PS-

Let me be the first to coin the latest hybrid celebrity unholy union name:

JessiMo.

cuz Ro-J Simpson just sounds wrong.

Choke ya later,
DM out