Star Wars: Blogs | Moose Poodoo | Attachments are Forbidden

Moose Poodoo

by: The Dark Moose

date posted: Feb 28, 2008 6:57 AM

Attachments are Forbidden

I think that as men get older, they have an inate drive to collect larger and larger bundles of keys, and attach many a foreign object to the key rings in the interest of keeping them all together. Faster access, ease of location... it's all right there, you see.

Boat key, house key, car keys, safe keys, foosball table keys, whistle, pocket knife, compass, defibrulator, electron microscope, office keys, bottle opener, can opener...

Your key chain becomes this amalgam of the many branches of ownership and responsibility in your life. It is for me, in fact, a Swiss Army Moose.

So I decided that I wasn't doing the legacy of George Costanza any justice without trying to fit one more thing on my key ring. Therefore, I procured what I felt to be the coolest thing ever for a near-40 balding male. I bought a wallet...get this...that has a key chain on it.

You heard right.

A Wallet..WITH a KEYCHAIN. Everything. Right there. Boom.

Not to mention it makes this ever-so-attractive bulge in your pocket. If you want to go for the bonus, you can hang your keys on the outside of your pocket to complete that School Janitor "Ye Gull dern Kids Always a-flushing the wrong stuff down the ding dang toilets" accesorized look.

Man, I was stylin. Talk about hot - when I walked, everyone saw me coming...forget that, everyone heard me coming, because I had spurs that jingle-jangle-jingled...

The obvious benefits to attaching one's wallet to one's keychain came crashing down last week, however. In an instant, my dreams of complete attachment to all things was shattered. Now, I don't know what to do..

I was tired, I came home, uncoiled my handy Keychain-Wallet-Gadget-Matrix-Device and unlocked my door, stumbled in, made dinner, and later passed out in blissful awareness that I was connected to all things...there...between the car and the boat....between my Post Office Box and my nailclippers...yes, even between my Star Wars keyfob and my wallet....a luminous creature was I, surrounded, bound to the Force in interconnected detachable ringlets...

Until I awoke the next morning, threw open my door to meet a brand new day of being One with My Life, and found this note.

"You left your keys in your door. And your wallet is attached to your keys. I noticed you had some cash and credit cards so I put them under your mat. You know you really shouldn't leave your wallet attached to your keys like that."

DM out

http://blogs.starwars.com/moosepoodo/108

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	Corterville Yoda's House of Pancakes
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 7:44 AM A Wallet..WITH a KEYCHAIN You've taken your first steps to a redneck world. I was tired, I came home, uncoiled my handy Keychain-Wallet-Gadget-Matrix-Device and unlocked my door, stumbled in, made dinner, and later passed out And there's your second step...What were you drinking?

	jkthunder Seven Pieces
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 10:12 AM Lesson learned: Get more stuff, and bigger stuff, to attach to wallet keychain. If incident occurs again, repeat step one.

Granny-Wan
I Am NOT an Old Fossil!

date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 10:15 AM

I think that as men get older, they have an inate drive to collect larger and larger bundles of keys, and attach many a foreign object to the key rings in the interest of keeping them all together.

It has nothing to do with age, my 7 year-old grandson has a HUGE RING of keys, and none of them open anything that we know of... LOL

Perhaps you should use the chain on the wallet to attach it to your pants, and then acquire a second chain to attach your keys, thereby doubling the bulges.... tee hee

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 10:30 AM

What were you drinking?

Whatever it was, I drought wrong.

Perhaps you should use the chain on the wallet to attach it to your pants, and then acquire a second chain to attach your keys, thereby doubling the bulges.... tee hee

I have learned that whatever chains, cords, strings etc that might extend from my pants serve as convenient hooks for which to cause unplanned removals of my pants on passing outcrops and snags. But I'll take that idea under advisement :0)

Get more stuff, and bigger stuff, to attach to wallet keychain. If incident occurs again, repeat step one.

Wash, rinse, attach.

gold5
I lost Tiree, lost Dutch!..or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Death Star.

date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 10:31 AM

I don't think I could do the keychain and wallet mix. I do have the big loaded keychain and the wallet thick enough to give me back pain from one side of my butt being quite a bit higher when I sit. The spirit of George Castanza is alive and well within me.

On a side note I recently started carrying a second set of my house & car keys in case I happen to lock my keys in my truck or loose them or whatever. I work to far from home (60 some odd miles in Denver) and my wife (who works in Boulder) to have her come and unlock my door.

	zach starwalker
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 12:27 PM electron microscope Thats a mighty big thing to stick on a key ring. Does it come with a huge forklift too?

	Smuggler Jedi Hokey Religions and A Good Blaster at My Side
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 12:57 PM Great story. Actually, my wife has a problem with leaving her keys in the door of her car and the front door when she gets home. No way would I let her get a wallet with a key chain attached.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 2:07 PM Thats a mighty big thing to stick on a key ring. Does it come with a huge forklift too? Cha right. Forklift. Like that's gonna fit on there. Where am I gonna put the space shuttle? Really now.

	Darth_Hiram A Journey into The Force
date Posted: Feb 28, 2008 8:40 PM Wonderful story ... it's nice to know you have some good samaritans living in your neighbourhood! Now, I don't know what to do.. Hmmm ... perhaps a chain connected to your wallet-keychain connected to your belt loop would suffice? And be extra cool-looking!

	natesmama The Matriarch Says...
date Posted: Feb 29, 2008 4:49 AM You've taken your first steps to a redneck world. nah... the first step was aquiring an accent ala Dr Phil. Fantastic story! Makes those of us who forget things regularly and trip over other things feel better about our lives. ...or not.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Feb 29, 2008 5:07 AM

Great story. Actually, my wife has a problem with leaving her keys in the door of her car and the front door when she gets home

Are you sure she's not just trying to attach her car to her keychain, thereby eliminating a needless step in one's morning routine? It's genius, I tell you.

the first step was aquiring an accent ala Dr Phil

I asked him and he's not interested. But he did want to talk to me about my keychain issues. He shook me around a little and told me to "get holt of maself."

If you ask me, he's a closet keychainer.

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