I've figured it out. I've broken the Code. It's been there the whole time, right in front of our collective fanboy and girl (and meese) faces.

Da Lucas Code. The key to more Star Wars movies.

Much a-do and bally-boo-hooing has been made of the apparent announcement that there would be no further Star Wars big screen films. A big ol' Imperial nail was driven into the coffin when George Lucas participated in an interview with Leslie Stahl on CBS's 60 Minutes, March 13, 2005. Here is the offending exchange, taken from their website, an exact transcription excerpt from the show:

"What if someone else beside you came to you and said, 'I want to make episode seven.' Could you see this happening," asks Stahl.

"No," says Lucas. "There is no episode seven."

And so the rumors became fact - there would 6 films, not 9, even though that was to be the original plan.

But still the most diehard fans held on to the various dreams of Sequels, Prequels, Pre-Prequels, Pre-Requels, Postquels, Pre-re-sequels, Unrequels, Post-de-sequeled-equels, and just plain old -Equels. Anything from Episode -5 to Episode 17.5, basically.

Well, take heart, conspiracy theorists...here's "da Lucas Code", explained. We're all aware of George Lucas' odd penchant for including the iconic "THX-1138" weirdness in every film. We all thought it was simply a tongue-in-cheek tribute to his first major motion picture of the same name. Not so. No no - that would be wayyy too simple for those of the fanboy/girl ilk.

Let's break it down, shall we? Please hold your questions until the end.

Now, you've got your first "1" in "1138". That obviously stands for...anyone? anyone? Beuhler? That's right, Episode 1, the first in the Prequel trilogy. Now let's move on to the second "1" in "1138", which of course stands for? ...Anyone? Come on, now, keep up...yes, that's right, Episode II, Attack of the Clones. You, slow reader in the back, this will all become as crystal clear as a Kaibur in just a moment, please put your appendage down.

Why Episode II? It's another "1" right? No, see, the "11" becomes the "II", while still containing the "I". Make sense? Ok let's move on. Now we have the most obvious component, "3", which I don't need to tell you stands for...

Oh come on now...

Ok, fine, Episode III, Revenge of the Sith.

So now thus far we have:

1= Episode I
11= Episode II
3 = Episode III

And what's left? Why the "8", meeslings, the "8"! You see this completey reconciles the plot hole Mr. Lucas created in our fragile psyches. We already know he is planning the first ever live action Star Wars Television Show, plus possible a 3D CGI annimated Star Wars in the coming years. These two combined will comprise what we will come to know as "Episode 7", even though the TV program will take place between Episode III and Episode IV. And therefore Mr. Lucas will create yet another groundbreaking cinematic invention, the "Tweenequel", the sequel between a Prequel and a...Origi-quel...or whatever.

Let's skip back a second and look at the elusive "THX" prefix. As we're all aware-

OK I seem to have lost a few of you. Please ...hey

*snap snap*

Look at me. Stay focused. We can get through this. Follow me here.

As we're all aware, "THX" is also the well-known abbreviation for..anyone?...Anyone at all? "Thanks!" or "Thank you!" Therefore, da Lucas code was devised as a method of thanking us fans for all of our support and devotion and the purchase of and playing with small plastic action figures in the dark behind closed doors no matter how old we are or no matter how shamefully immature it might be. But I digress.

Now, I can tell by some of your blank stares and disconcerting spittle in the corners of some of your mouths on your confused faces that you're still wondering where the "8" comes in. Right?

It's so easy - it's right there! Can't you see it? George Lucas, along with bringing the world it's first "Tweenequel", will then give us the very first "Overequel", the sequel that jumps over another numbered sequel because, hey, it's already got a number. Which completely resolves this pesky idea that there is "no Episode 7". Sure there is. It's just not an actual movie, and it's 4 episodes behind...behind what? Anyone? Work with me here...

Episode 8! - the final part of da Lucas Code, and the next major Star Wars motion picture. After 7. Which isn't a movie. Before 4, but after 3.

Why, even the date he held that 60 Minutes interview , 3/13/05, was part of the code! huh? 3-13? An anagram for 113, perhaps? 3+5=8? 1138? Coindidence? I think not, Star Wars fans, I think not.

Even stranger, the release of the blockbuster movie based on the book of oddly similar subject matter, The Da Vinci Code, is being released when? Anyone? May 19, 2006 - exactly 1 year to the day from the release of Episode III.

More coincidence, Star Wars fans? I think more not.

Obviously, Mr. Lucas' influence extends to further reaches in Hollywood than we can imagine. It's like a code within a code, wrapped up in an enigmatic mysterious burrito of secrecy and subterfuge, covered with disinformation sauce and served with a side of overimagination. But not. Or is it?

And so I give you hope out there in the dark, as you rock incessantly in your corners chewing on your Boba Fett dolls. There's more Star Wars to be had, meeslings - just follow the Code.

So, one more time:

THX=Thanks
1= Episode I
11= Episode II
3 = Episode III
8 = Episode VIII

For a handy breakdown of the THX-1138 formula, just copy and paste this easy to understand sentence and send it to your friends in an email, or write it on your hand so that you can look at it from time to time whenever you feel confused or blue:

THX=Thanks + 1=1, 11=2 (but is still 1), 3 = 3 (duh), 8 = 8, 3< 7<4


Now, don't you feel better we talked?

I will close now with my standard disclaimer as you dream of Star Wars to come. As always...

Or not. :0)

I will now ignore questions.

Yours truly,
The Dark Moose
Dark Lord of the 5th