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Moose Poodoo
date posted: Jul 25, 2005 9:26 AM  |  updated: Jul 30, 2005 7:34 AM
Premonition Safety and You
Fact: 9 out of 10 inadvertant Self-Fulfilling Prophecies (SFP's) can be avoided.

Fact: Nearly 97% of all prophecies are contingencies based on complex inter-related probabilities.

Fact: Most accidental fulfillment of premonitions (AFP's) are caused by Jedi.

Fact: Last solar period alone, nearly 273 accidental premonition fullfillments resulted in a fatality.

Fact: Accidental Premonition Fullfillment costs the Republic an average of 9.2 million credits anually in lost tax revenues.

Fact: More than half of all AFP's were committed despite previous warnings not to proceed.

Fact: There is a direct correllation based on scientific studies between high midichliorian counts and negative premonitions.

Fact: Last solar period, 143 cases of AFP involved domestic violence, mainly between father and son, or married couples.

Fact: The Force has been proven repeatedly to change its mind arbitrarily.

Fact: Nearly 1 in 10 AFP's resulted in the injury or death of the originator of the premonition.

Accidental Fullillment of Premonition (AFP) and Self-Fulfilling Prophecy (SFP) are an increasing problem, and a burden on tax-paying citizens. Do your part to avoid AFP/SFP Syndrome. If you find yourself having negative premonitions of the future, seek help immediately. Please memorize these easy to remember steps, and post them in your home or meditation chamber:

1) Remain calm.

2) Stay perfectly still for at least 24 hours. Remain indoors, and take a sedative.

3) Seek immediate counsel from a mentor or dial 1138 on your holonet device. Be open-minded, tell the truth, and do not ignore the advice.

4) Avoid all contact with relatives, associates or friends, especially if they are involved in your premonition.

5) Remember this handy acronym: SAGGABE = Stay a Good Guy - Avoid Being Evil

6) Avoid any rash actions that could lead to a temporal cause and effect paradox.

7) Do not attempt to do the exact opposite of what you would think you would do. Doing so may still lead to an AFP/SFP event.

8) Avoid use of all Force powers for 24-48 hours.

9) Outside of professional counsel, do not share your premonition with anyone - doing so could lead to an AFP/SFP event.

10) If you are about to kill someone, ask yourself "Hey, am I fullfilling a premonition accidentally?" If the answer is yes, Stop! Have yourself arrested.

11) Don't center on your anxieties. Keep your attention here and now, where it belongs. It's ok to be mindful of the future, but not at the expense of the moment.

12) Avoid the Dark Side if possible.

Following these steps should help you to avoid AFP/SFP events. These guidelines are there for your enjoyment, and for your protection.

Most importantly, remember that always in motion, the future is.

Posted by the Jedi Council Committee on AFP/SFP Awareness and the Coruscant Paranormal Safety Board.

May the Force be with you.

Notte
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 11:08 AM
Dark Moose, you are great!
The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 11:22 AM
"..I knew you were going to say that."

-- Han Solo to Obi-Wan Kenobi, ANH

:0)
Dark Spork
Sporktastic Voyage
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 11:32 AM
The snark is strong in this one.
The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 12:20 PM
I forgot to mention advice that has served me in numerous situations ranging from traffic stops to trick questions from your girlfriend

- If all else fails, Stop, Drop, and Roll.
  Graffiti
Somewhere on the Other Side of Mos Eisley
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 12:44 PM
That was brilliant! :^O

Very true. Trick questions from your girlfriend, contributes to an alarming number of self-fulfilling negative prophecies and turns to the Dark Side.
  Lord of the jedi17
Finished
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 4:32 PM
2) Stay perfectly still for at least 24 hours.

What if I need to use the bathroom? ?:|
The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 7:22 PM
Are you having a premonition that you'll need to? Try duct tape.
  Zaps!
date Posted: Jul 25, 2005 11:21 PM
Very Funny! One of my favorites!
5) Remember this handy acronym: SAGGABE = Stay a Good Guy - Avoid Being Evil
^My favorite MTFBWY
  jedihooplah
A whole bunch of hooplah.
date Posted: Jul 26, 2005 1:27 PM
2) Stay perfectly still for at least 24 hours.

What if I need to use the bathroom?


Hehehehehehhahahahhahheheheheheh!

So this is what bloggers do in thier spare time!
  hullperr1
date Posted: Jul 27, 2005 7:43 PM
dialed 1138, 1st time was busy, dialed 1138 again got some cell block on death star... lol but will try to remember the rules and be aware i will...
i12bajedi
I'm Making This Up As I Go...
date Posted: Jul 30, 2005 7:11 AM
:^O This is hilarious, Moose! :^O
  Sebbycat
Tatooine, the Hottest Spot in the Galaxy
date Posted: Aug 05, 2005 11:58 PM
I printed this blog and put it on my fridge just in case..... :0)
  jediracer41
Jediracer
date Posted: Aug 06, 2005 7:48 PM
10) If you are about to kill someone, ask yourself "Hey, am I fullfilling a premonition accidentally?" If the answer is yes, Stop! Have yourself arrested.

i haven't laughed this hard in about forever...you are hilarious. keep blogging!
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