When I was growing up with Star Wars, I had this unerring ability to make my parents eyes roll. This is partly due to my injury-prone childhood, but also could be attributed to my fascination with poorly executed do-it-yourself Star Wars memorabilia. Here's a short list of doomed projects. Some you've already heard of here:

1) Made my own lightsaber out of a flashlight and plastic tubing. Grissly results seen here in this blog entry. (Age 12)

2) Made my own X-Wing kite out of balsam wood and white kitchen garbage bags. Won 1st place for aesthetic design contest. Won 1st place for idiotic engineering, as well. Craft not sufficiently equiped with intertial dampeners, and was also vulnerable to hull stress and shearing when in contact with atmospheric disturbances. Catastrophic Porkins-esque results seen here in this blog entry. (age 8.5)

3) Made my own Star Destroyer out of poster board and styrofoam. Poked pinholes and devised an internal lighting source to produce a "lit windows detail" on model. Internal lighting was unfortunately a 100 watt lightbulb. 100 watt lightbulbs, when in direct contact with posterboard hull plating, likewise produces an external lighting, and heat effect, in the form of a brief fiery cataclysm. The SS Dark Moose, the first Antler Class Star Destroyer, was last seen as a floating hulk, dead in space, just outside the Curbside nebula.

4) Made my own Stormtrooper armor, oddly, out of the same material used for Antler Class Star Destroyer hulls. White posterboard sectioned armor over black turtleneck and black thermal underwear provides little protection from blaster fire, and also proves insufficient to withstand the movements of a 9 year old during Halloween. Complete armor failure transformed cool Stormtrooper costume into stupid Logan's Run costume.

5) Tried to make my own Darth Vader costume out of black boots, black pants, black towel, football helmet, black belt and black gloves. Looked more like Ralph McQuarrie's version of a cross-dressing Rollerball contestant. The fact that I borrowed my sister's high heeled black patent leather go-go boots didn't help. What? I didn't have any black boots! It's not my fault! I broke the heels off if that helps...my sister maintained it didn't.

6) Contructed Death Star Trench out of Legos, complete with gun towers and exhaust port. Fell on it. Destroyed exhaust port on first pass.

This is just one of many projects I undertook using materials such as tin foil, posterboard, styrofoam, duct tape, coat hangers, balsam wood, Legos, old battleship models, flashlights, car parts, my underwear and some of my sister's clothing.

And that is why, to this day, my sister won't loan me anything. In fact, none of my family will. All because of my love for Star Wars. That and I apparently have more creativity than I have sense.

DM out