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Moose Poodoo
date posted: Aug 01, 2005 5:04 PM  |  updated: Aug 01, 2005 6:37 PM
Old McPlagueis had a Farm...
He hath strut his 10 seconds upon the stage, full of sound and fury, signifying ...something. Or not.

I don't know what it was that prompted me to theorize about the role of Darth Plagueis the Wise. Maybe it was just something I've been thinking about. Maybe I hit my head. Or, I dunno, maybe it's the umpteen-gazillion opinions I've seen on the Grandaddy of Dark Lords. For fear of perpetrating a blatant pun in the form of a Gumpism, it's clear that Plague-is as Plague-does - the topic has spread like an insipid disease.

So let's go with the first given. Palpatine had a master, and his name was Plagueis. Cool.

Secondly, Plagueis must have been a powerful Dark Lord to have trained Palpatine into the disgusting wretch that he was.

Thirdly, he must have the power to create life. Right? Why? Because Palpatine said so, that's why. And Palpatine has never, ever lied to you. He's been your pal the whole time. I don't know about you, but I'd leave my wallet with Palpy and not have to count my cash.

Plus we have proof: Anakin. Surely Anakin was created by Plagueis to become the Chosen One. Perhaps even to trick the Jedi into believing he was the Chosen One. Of course, it never occurred to The Wise guy that he might be fulfilling the prophecy himself. But hey, he didn't get the nickname "Wise" for clipping coupons.

But let's not stop there. If you're an evil Dark Lord of the Sith with the power to create force sensitive psychos like Anakin, then why go halfway? Why not round up a lovely harem of hapless Shmi's and create a Dark Army of Anikinians. Wave after wave of Chosen Ones. A Gaggle of Dark Padawans, waiting to fall to the Dark Side.

So clearly Plagueis created Mace Windu. And maybe Aayla Secura. And Kit Fisto. And Asajj Ventress. And Obi-Wan Kenobi. And heck, maybe he created Padme, too. And for all we know, he created Palpatine. And Salacious Crumb for Siths and Giggles. Sure, not all of his lab experiments went well, but he got some good products out of it. It might be that only Yoda is a genuine product forged outside of the local Force Mill.

It stands to reason that Plagueis had been around for centuries, prolonging his own life, creating bits of key personnel here and there as needed. A maid, a Grand Moff, a cribbage partner, an apprentice. A good guy here, a bad guy there, here a Sith, there a Sith, everywhere a Sith Sith...

This guy has more socks than Woolworths, by cracky.

Yep. Come to think of it, it stands to reason that Plagueis played Johnny Apple God everywhere he went, springing up veritable towns of little Plagueisite men and women, ripe to serve his evil plans. This would be the utlimate power, would it not? To create life, and to take it away at will? Surely if Plagueis, a most powerul Sith Master, knew this, he could have very well ruled the Galaxy, the goal of just about any Sith brave enough to put the name tag on. And if Palpatine truly knew this power, he wouldn't have to rely on a broken down half-man, half-machine to do his dirty work. Yep. It would be good to be god.

Or...for some unexplained reason, maybe he could just make one guy? And he picked Anakin? And, then knowing his master's ultimate power, instead of learning how to do it first, Palpatine killed him? Whoops?

Dunno. I know Lucas would like to leave this as "ambiguous", mainly to spur this sort of debate. But maybe, just maybe, we're making this a little harder on ourselves than we need to. Maybe, just maybe, if you think about someone who's told, shall we say, just a few tall tales in his time to get what he wanted, someone like a Senator turned Chancellor turned Emperor upon a staircase of falsehoods, just maybe this is just one more lie of our darling Palpatine? Sure, Plagueis existed, and if so, Plagueis would have been Palpatine's master. But that might be as far as this thing goes, if if actually goes that far.

Because let's face it, you can't even spell Plagueis or Palpatine with out a LIE in there somewhere. And that, friends, is my considered Snarky opinion.

:0)

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