Star Wars: Blogs | Moose Poodoo | I Will Make it Legal...

Moose Poodoo

by: The Dark Moose

date posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:17 PM | updated: Jan 30, 2006 8:17 PM

I Will Make it Legal...

Have you noticed? Lawyers are everywhere. They spout legalese at the beginnings and ends of our favorite TV shows. They counsel us regarding the use of NFL games for private use. They warn us about the uses of prescription medications. They roll back the claims of every informercial. They pop into the fine print at the bottom of car ads. They even creep into our spam. Lawyers would disclaim the uses of their own briefcases if there was any danger of a lawsuit.

I was watching a commercial for Heavy Duty Pickup Truck the other day, and miniscule 4 point font print flashed on the screen, apparently for the use of someone's Tivo, but certainly not for human eyes to easily comprehend. But I managed to catch the phrase: "...Undercarriage has been digitially altered."

??

Digitally altered to do what, exactly? Clean up any nasty mud stains? To give an other-worldy divine glow? Hide suggestive messages for our primitive brainstems to crave their transmissions?

So I started thinking about my favorite subject, Star Wars. Notice that there are no lawyers in Star Wars? Certainly, there are lawmakers, but no one walks around with a clipboard behind Grand Moff Tarkin assuring he doesn't make unwarranted claims about his Death Star. No one leans in to give sage legal advice to Palpatine as he electrocutes his underlings. There is no 800 number and general warning label on the hilt of every lightsaber. The closest thing to a lawyer in Star Wars is Threepio, advising everyone of the odds against getting out of various situations and warning Artoo of his obligations when it comes to talking to strange computers.

And so I started thinking...Star Wars...with lawyers....

VADER*: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. (This is a closed circle with professional Jedi. Do not attempt this at home.) When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master. (Terms "learner" and "master" indicate general skills and are not intended to convey specific capabilities nor to accept liabilities for results. The rules of this ongoing conflict may be requested in writing or can be obtained in person at a registered Sith outlet. No other members of the Jedi or Sith organizations, or their immediate families, may participate in this conflict)

BEN**: Only a master of evil, Darth. (This statement is intended to provide general qualification but is not limited solely to the domain of evil nor does it imply specific certifications in other philosophical ideologies concerning morality. Your evil may vary.)

VADER*: Your powers are weak, old man. (Power levels are expressed as an overall average and may fluctuate with applied use. Power levels are measured by a third-party firm in a laboratory setting. Any notice or other communication regarding the range of power qualifications requested to be given here-under shall be in writing and shall be mailed by registered or certified mail to the party to whom it is to be given. No force sensitive beings were harmed in the making of this statement. )

BEN**: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. (The opinions expressed by this old man are the sole property of Obi-Wan Kenobi and are not intended to reflect the opinions of the Jedi or the Old Republic, or any of its affiliates or subsidiaries, implied or expressed. Striking down can result in common side effects including fear, anger, aggression, nausea, dry mouth, hatred, suffering, headaches, an urgent and persistant need to go to the bathroom, and in some extreme cases have been linked to lava burns. Consult your physician before engaging in striking someone down.)

VADER*: You should not have come back. (You have the right to remain dead. Anything you do say may be used against you in a court of Me. You have the right to consult another dead Jedi or to have one present during your killing. If you cannot find a dead Jedi, a protocol droid will appointed for you....)

* "Vader" can be subsituted at any time and without prior notice with "Anakin Skywalker", "Darth Vader", "Darth", "Annie", or "Dark Lord of the Sith".

** "Ben" can be substituted at any time and without prior notice with "Obi-Wan Kenobi", "Old Ben Kenobi", "Obi-Wan", "the Negotiator" or "Crazy Old Wizard".

DM out

(This has been a Dark Moose Communication.  Under no circumstances, including but not limited to, negligence, shall Dark Moose be liable for any special, indirect, incidental, consequential, or exemplary damages that result from the use or inability to use this information.  By proceeding, you agree to these Terms of Moose.  Or not.  Or not not.)

http://blogs.starwars.com/moosepoodo/72

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	DarthBC A bounty hunter, a sith, and a do-good jedi
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:29 PM Laughing Out Loud (that was funny, you should do that with another SW scene)

jedimasterbird

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:30 PM

LOL

The Death Star Is NOT a toy, all workers are trained adults. DO NOT try to create your own version as it may result in death and/or destruction of a planet. The Death Star is a trade mark of Sidious Industries all rights reserved. Sidious Industries does not accept any liablitiy for any death and/or destruction of planets with this device. Any querys must be submitted in writing and in triple. Please send any querys or comments to Sidious Industries.

For legal purposes this comment has undergone screening by UN officials.
All rights reserved 2006

	Kenobi-fan The Jundland Wastes Journal
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:31 PM I may have enjoyed this entry but as I do not wish to imply that I do not enjoy other blogs equally as much nor less so and so as not to offend any previous, current, or future readers of my own literary publications I will refrain from providing you with a definitive pronouncement regarding your missive.

DarthVicomte
Vicomte's Blog Extravaganza (Now Defunct)

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:38 PM

I bet you're all proud about how well that turned out, I would be.

Very nicely done, old* Moose.

*This statement has not been verified by any third party and is therefore meant to be purely figurative and in no way implies that said ungulate is of any distinct age. Darth Vicomte and/or his subordinates and/or sympathizers cannot be held responsible for any misinterpretation of the preceding statement.

I, once again, couldn't resist.

	Singin Hobo I find your lack of pants disturbing
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:40 PM I love you.

	Tilrem. The deeper meaning of Liff.
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:41 PM Lovely stuff Moosy You just made my night. I don't like half of your blogs half as much as I should like, and I like less than half of your comments half as well as they deserve.

janlomona
Smugglers Rants

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:42 PM

Dude, I always subscribe to the terms of Moose. Or not not...
Lawyers in Star Wars are rare. On Lightsabre we do actually have a prominent character who is a lawyer, Trace Dallagra, and she eventually becomes Governor of our region of space (which kind of fits).
But generally, I guess lawyers would just be an incredible pain in the arse.
THREEPIO - "Stupid little short circuit!" (The views of this specific Cybot Galactica droid are the sole opinions of said droid, and not of Cybot Galactica. Any swearing, cursing, striking or flagrantly camp actions are the sole responsibility of said droid. Cybot Galactica accept no responsibility for such actions.)

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:45 PM I don't like half of your blogs half as much as I should like, and I like less than half of your comments half as well as they deserve. Ah - Hobbit Legalese...

	Tilrem. The deeper meaning of Liff.
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 1:52 PM Ohh happy days. You recognised it as what it was, and not as in insult.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:06 PM

I love you.

Dark Moose, in recognition of this statement, does not accept claim to long-term commitments nor any financial liabilities incurred. Reciprocal emotional attachment is subject to factors including, but not limited to, Dark Moose's ability or desire to express affection. Neither hate nor love is expressed or implied by this statement. Batteries not included. Some assembly required.

Rive Caedo
Rive's Uncharted Settlements

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:06 PM

"You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. (The opinions expressed by this old man are the sole property of Obi-Wan Kenobi and are not intended to reflect the opinions of the Jedi or the Old Republic, or any of its affiliates or subsidiaries, implied...)"

Using "old man" in a legal sense?! You have to say "Elderly person" or "Age impaired" or "One who has successfully defied the average lifetime". This is an outrage! I'll sue!

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:20 PM Dark Moose is not responsible for the effects of age. Some contents may have settled during transport. Please consult born on date.

Darth Rex0
So be it....

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:25 PM

"You like your father are now.....mine!"

*the views of slavery or endutured servatude are not to be taken lightly nor does 20th century Fox endorse the activities. Varying results from slavery are to be taken at masters own risk. NOTE to dark side users: Use with extreme caution, may cause uncontrollable anger, power cravings, lack of sleep, cackling voice, spontaneous combustion, and unpredictable shocking of friends*

	T'tocs Deloran T'tocs Asylum
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:42 PM Brilliant!

	Padawan Binks
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:45 PM Lol...probably one of the best redo's of a Star Wars scene I've ever seen. Striking down can result in common side effects including fear, anger, aggression, nausea, dry mouth, hatred, suffering, headaches, an urgent and persistant need to go to the bathroom, and in some extreme cases have been linked to lava burns. Rofl

	Hedec Ga War Journal of Hedec Ga
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:50 PM Ahhhh, if only I were that creative. I envy you, Dark Moose...

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 2:56 PM :0) Thanks - one thing is for sure, we'd all get the 5 hour long Star Wars movie we've been craving. (The previous statement is subject to edit by George Lucas for any reason he deems appropriate and without notification.)

	shatterpoint282 ''This Party's Over ''
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 3:05 PM LOL Very funny , DM , this is why you are on nearly every blog role on this website , lol .

	Vader of Clubs
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 3:11 PM Before I comment, I would like a representative of both Jedi and Sith to overlook the above document, and to explain it to me. I do not wish to comment on a blog on which I may have missed fine-print, if I should not be able to retract said comment at a later date. All parties will be informed via midichlorians of the results of the aforementioned meeting.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 3:19 PM Requests for a transcript and explanation of the aforementioned entry may be requested in writing and sent to: The Dark Moose 1 Forest Centre Big Tree Next To Rock No the Other Rock, TX Please allow 5 to 10 days for non-delivery.

	Dano the Darth35
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 4:07 PM thats awesome!!!!

	bonniegrrl Droids Just Wanna Have Fun
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 4:19 PM Consult your physician before engaging in striking someone down. ooooh good one. thanks for posting! oh and you're now one of our featured bloggers! Featured Blog: Moose Poodoo

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 4:20 PM oh and you're now one of our featured bloggers! Featured Blog: Moose Poodoo Sheeee weet. :0) (the opinion of Dark Moose in this case is exactly as it sounds.) :0) Thanks BG!

DarthVicomte
Vicomte's Blog Extravaganza (Now Defunct)

date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 4:28 PM

oh and you're now one of our featured bloggers!

To hell with it!

I'm going Moose hunting!

Hunting moose without the proper permit and/or without the express permission of the currently acting forest ranger of any given area is both illegal and morally reprehensible in all fifty(50) states, as well as six(6) territories, and three(3) commonwealths. Any and all persons found violating these conditions in such a way that is found blatant will be subject to the full power of the law and will receive a fine of no less then $250,000 and up to 10 years in a federal corrections facility.

	XWING_FIVE Anakin's Yellow Starfighter
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 4:45 PM I can actually hear the micro machines guy in my head reading those tstatements in between the dialogue.

	Bekkara The Wroshyr Tree
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 6:31 PM Reciprocal emotional attachment is subject to factors including, but not limited to, Dark Moose's ability or desire to express affection. Did I date you at some point? "Do not taunt Happy Fun Sith Lord." //end sarcasm Congrats on the featured blog!

	Darth Fishfood Important Fish
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 8:00 PM Moose i may sue you, for the cost of the pants you just made me ruin, and or the cost of my funeral if i die of laughing asphixyation.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 8:16 PM Congrats on the featured blog! Thanks :0) Moose i may sue you, for the cost of the pants you just made me ruin, and or the cost of my funeral if i die of laughing asphixyation. eww :0) Warning - always change your pants before dying in this fashion.

	b0babrett85
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 9:33 PM nice

	Darth Kevinmhk
date Posted: Jan 30, 2006 10:24 PM Alright alright, this is now the best blog i have ever read! Surpass anything i have read on blogs.starwars.com before! Keep it up our featured blogger

	Edhelwen Emileia
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 1:11 AM Dang! It sure takes a lot to get me laughing out loud, literally! Thanks for succeeding! ~Still Laughing [too hard to come up with any good legalese]

	Wari What noone else is thinking......
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 1:42 AM Congratulations DM!! I enjoyed the article about your featured Blog. I hope you enjoyed your 15 mins..

Rogue Squadron Leader
After-Action Summary

date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 1:46 AM

Excellent Job DM.

(The opinions expressed by this poster are the sole property of Rogue Squadron Leader and are not intended to reflect the opinions of the rest of the SW.com community, or any of its affiliates or subsidiaries, implied or expressed. Posting can result in common side effects including fear, anger, aggression, nausea, dry mouth, hatred, suffering, headaches, an urgent and persistant need to go to the bathroom, and in some extreme cases have been linked to lava burns. Consult your physician before engaging in posting. This legalese is the sole property of Rogue Squadron Leader and any similarity to any other legalese, real or imaginary is complete coincidence)

	-=Mr. McCool=-
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:58 AM LMAO!! Moose you are a clever one! Great blog!!

	Darth Fishfood Important Fish
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 9:27 AM ** "Ben" can be substituted at any time and without prior notice with "Obi-Wan Kenobi", "Old Ben Kenobi", "Obi-Wan", "the Negotiator" or "Crazy Old Wizard". you forgot "old man" i'll sue!

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 9:55 AM Wow, damned if I do, damned if I don't. :0) Proof that lawsuits, like death and taxes, are unavoidable. :0) It is your destiny. "So be it." DM out

	laserswords The Pen Is Mightier Than The...Laser Sword?
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 11:08 AM Great Blog! How a Moose can be so witty is beyond me. It's great, I love it.

	DarthVicomte Vicomte's Blog Extravaganza (Now Defunct)
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 11:08 AM I didn't think it was that great................

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 11:33 AM I didn't think it was that great You're right, compared to my other stuff, this is nuttin :0) Barely a nibble, really

	Jedimaster F
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 1:29 PM This is so funny, LOL!! good jod Dark moose!

	Eirta� Rebel Heart
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 3:40 PM tries to write something witty while wiping tears of laughter fails miserably keeps on laughing

darthwannabe33

date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 4:53 PM

Awesome job!

[The views expressed here are solely of darthwannabe33 and are not associated in any way to Star WarsTM, Lucasfilms Inc.TM, www.starwars.comTM, ILMTM, or any of its affiliates. Viewer may be subject to fear, anger, aggression, nausea, dry mouth, hatred, suffering, headaches, an urgent and persistant need to go to the bathroom, and in some extreme cases have been linked to lava burns. Do not view if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant. Consult a trusted doctor before viewing. George Lucas or any of his affiliates are not liable of any injuries due to reading this blog. Viewer discretion advised.

	jedimastergoalie
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 4:59 PM You've outdone yourself this time. No, really, you have.

	Anakin/Vader16 Was he ever free?
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:28 PM That is so awesome

	rickgelz
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:32 PM I'd like to see a lawyer in the Jedi temple. You know all the younglings' lightsabers would get replaced by those swords made of foam rubber.

	Darth_Mordak_The_Wise
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:32 PM I have an arguement. It proves that there are not only lawyers but there are courts, judges, trials, etc. In Episode 3, Anakin says to Mace that Palpatine must stand trial. Thus there are courts. And when there are courts, there are lawyers.

	videodf
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:37 PM Vader: Obi Wan never told you about your father. Luke: He told me everything, he told me you killed him. Vader: No, I am...oh wait. Before I reveal to you this information. Vader pulls out a piece of paper from his cape I'll need you to sign this nondisclosure form. I do hope you are not right handed, that could pose a problem for you at this time.

	DakFisto
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 5:46 PM Great Blog Moose! I think you need a personal fan club with all the ppl that like your blogs....

	jediwriter08
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 6:04 PM LOL. That is hilarious and I am sure that in a court case, that would be what the lawyers say. You should do more. copyrighted 2006 by me!

	Battlefront_Champ The Blog of a Sith Lord
date Posted: Jan 31, 2006 6:10 PM that is very funny LOL and LOL again

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