Star Wars: Blogs | Moose Poodoo | Dark Moose for Emperor

Moose Poodoo

by: The Dark Moose

date posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:44 AM

Dark Moose for Emperor

Hey kids! Just a quick entry to let you know I've thrown my name in the hat for Supreme Dark Overlord and Emperor of the First Galactic Empire of the Milky Way.

You might ask "But Dark Moose, there is no First Galactic Empire of the Milky Way - how can you do this?"

To which my answer is simple, and easy - I'll have you beaten and imprisoned.

Now, moving on to my platform:

1) Firstly, after this initial election, you'll never have to have an election again. How's that for one-stop shopping? I am your first and last despot, and there will be no referendums on policies or taxation whatsoever. In fact, I'm replacing the word "election" henceforth with "electrocution" as a subtle reminder toward what will happen to people if they try to have these so-called "elections".

2) Next, I'm eliminating Hyperspace. You heard me. No more Hyperspace, period. No one needs to travel under my regime - you all need to stay home, work, consume, and serve my dark whims. Yes, sure, there is no actual Hyperspace at this time, but I don't want anyone getting any ideas.

3) Casual Fridays.

4) I require all peoples of every race to allign themselves completely with my ideologies and prostrate themselves to my galaxy-spanning supremacy. Some of you will die as an example.

5) Once more the Meese will rule the Galaxy, and we will have..or rather I will have...well...everything.

How to vote for me:

Good question. First, consider yourself conquered. Dismantle your armaments and disband your militaries. All mass-media are now state entities.

Second, refer other nations and peoples to the First Galactic Empire of the Milky Way for subjugation. The first 100 unique races that bend to my iron will can be eligible to receive a "My Culture Was Enslaved By Dark Moose!" beer coozy.

Lastly, send your beautiful women to me. And your beer. And video game consoles and large screeen TV's. And motorcycles and cool 4X4 truck-like vehicles. And some M&M's. And one of those cool remote control cars that like go really fast. And a pony. No...3 ponies. I want 3 ponies with long blue hair. yeah. With sparkly saddles.

..

Anyway, together we can make this the best dictatorship ever! Vote "Yes, I want to be a slave to Dark Moose forever!"

May the Force be with me.

DM out

http://blogs.starwars.com/moosepoodo/78

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	EvilDarthBear The Grand Admiral's Club
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:47 AM Go eat some pine cones you large, smelly mammal.

	Holo-cron
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:49 AM motorcycles and cool 4X4 truck-like vehicles Are you sure?

	Darth Rex0 So be it....
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:52 AM Only one election, I mean electrocution? Put me down as conquered.

	DarthBC A bounty hunter, a sith, and a do-good jedi
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:55 AM um..... what do you plan to do about rebel scum?

	Big Daddy Sinister
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:56 AM Ehh...gotta be better than Bush....count me in. Am I correct to assume there will be plenty of plunder and wimmens for the faithful as well?

	DarthBC A bounty hunter, a sith, and a do-good jedi
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:56 AM um... what do you plan on doing about rebel scum?

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:57 AM um..... what do you plan to do about rebel scum? Have them beaten and imprisoned, of course. Psh - ask me a hard question..

	EvilDarthBear The Grand Admiral's Club
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:57 AM "Ehh...gotta be better than Bush....count me in. Am I correct to assume there will be plenty of plunder and wimmens for the faithful as well?" And Bush supporters are the Neanderthals? ROFL......hahahaaaa

	Darth Vader Meditation Chamber
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 11:58 AM 1) Firstly, after this initial election, you'll never have to have an election again. How's that for one-stop shopping? I didn't need any more reasons to vote for you after that! What would you do if someone else tries to become Emperor and makes silly campaigns and spams all over the net about it? Just curious?

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:00 PM

Am I correct to assume there will be plenty of plunder and wimmens for the faithful as well?

Um...no. I'm not sure you understand the framework of government that completely serves me...or..I'm sorry, henceforth known as "The Me".

It's kinda all about me. BUT..I'm going to start allowing the faithful to live, and of course remain unbeaten and unimprisioned for relatively long stretches of time. So you got that goin' for ya.

	Darth Vader Meditation Chamber
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:01 PM Will you promote time travel since Hyperspace will be erradicated....or ummm...not allowed to exist?

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:01 PM What would you do if someone else tries to become Emperor and makes silly campaigns and spams all over the net about it? Have them imprisoned, beaten, then imprisoned again. Actually imprison them while already inside a larger prison. next?

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:04 PM

Will you promote time travel since Hyperspace will be erradicated....or ummm...not allowed to exist?

For me. Yes. For you, not so much.

Only one election, I mean electrocution? Put me down as conquered.

Already done. 1 down, 6 billion to go...give or take some other inhabited planets.

Go eat some pine cones you large, smelly mammal.

I have a special, itty bitty prison for you. See? Solutions for everyone.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:14 PM I'll uh...need some guards of course... Some of you seize each other and make each other Royal Mooserial Guards. Then report back to me.

	dustin@rebelscum.com Star Wars is Forever!
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:18 PM 3) Casual Fridays. Brilliant! Why didn't I think of this?! Doh!

	NerfHerdersAnonymous Life, the Star Wars Universe and Everything
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:21 PM I fully support any Blue Moose that wishes for three ponies with long-flowing blue manes. ..."Yes, I want to be a slave to Dark Moose forever!" LM

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:26 PM

Brilliant! Why didn't I think of this?! Doh!

The Me is kind to those who recognize his brilliance. Your name shall be among the protected scrolls from the severe beatings for the better part of a day, at least. You have done well.

..."Yes, I want to be a slave to Dark Moose forever!"

Excellent! Report to station 512 Alpha for indoctrination. Someone build Indoctrination Station 512 Alpha for me. And the other ones. And some of you guards go there and you know..make people serve me.

	JediMasterPickles Slowly Turning To The Dark Side!
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:27 PM I'm in! But can I be your British Representative so we can get shot of 'Poodle' Blair and his minions?

	luuke.skywalker
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:27 PM I wants a beer-coozy! Texan does count as a unique race, yes?

	Bravo 225 "Nice Skirt, Hand Washable?" - "Its a Kama!"
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:31 PM Lastly, send your beautiful women to me. And your beer. Sorry, my Mom and Dad only gave birth to three boys, and we're a non-alchoholic family. So, tootles, Emperor Mouse Poop, uhhh, I mean Moose Poop.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:32 PM

I'm in! But can I be your British Representative so we can get shot of 'Poodle' Blair and his minions?

All poodles and all British PM's will of course be remanded to my supreme authority. Those protecting poodles and British PM's will be beaten and imprisoned alternately in rapid succession.

I wants a beer-coozy! Texan does count as a unique race, yes?

Excellent. Go guard ..er..build and then guard an Indoctrination Station. Any one will do. You can have one in Texas if you like. I like Texas. Texas will be the least beaten and imprisoned place in the Galaxy, I think.

	Bravo 225 "Nice Skirt, Hand Washable?" - "Its a Kama!"
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:33 PM ... Oh, yes, and if I promise to be faithful, will you imprison, torture, and brutally beat my younger brothers for me.... and make them give me all their action figures?

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:37 PM

... Oh, yes, and if I promise to be faithful, will you imprison, torture, and brutally beat my younger brothers for me.... and make them give me all their action figures?

There are opportunities for all in my Dark Moose Empire. No one will be left out. Why don't you turn your brothers and action figures over to my guards and we'll just go from there...

Sorry, my Mom and Dad only gave birth to three boys, and we're a non-alchoholic family. So, tootles, Emperor Mouse Poop, uhhh, I mean Moose Poop.

Yes...yes make sure you turn them in personally...

	jedimastergoalie
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:38 PM 3) Casual Fridays. Good, I've been starting to get sick wearing the same thing here all the time.

	The Stooge Star Wars Joke-A-Day
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:41 PM All we are saying... is give Meese a chance.

	Big Daddy Sinister
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:47 PM ...so...am I to presume there will be no plunder and wimmens?

	Jedi Master Mina Another Galaxy, another time
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:49 PM I will only support you if I am your second in command and I can have chocolate and chips with that beer! Otherwise I will be deflecting.

	EvilDarthBear The Grand Admiral's Club
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:55 PM What if we give you all the Pine Cones on the Earth? Every year we'll put them on a huge platter.....somewhere in.......Canada! Huh? How 'bout that?

	Jedi Master Mina Another Galaxy, another time
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 12:57 PM So, tootles, Emperor Mouse Poop, uhhh, I mean Moose Poop. So boldly going nowhere...What a stinking poodoo mess this is: Just doing the poodoo, that you do Although it really is just pure voodoo

	bonniegrrl Droids Just Wanna Have Fun
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:04 PM great entry! Makin this the blog of the day. By the way, your Lawyer Star Wars entry made it in to the Best of Hyperspace section of the next issue of Star Wars Insider #87!

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:08 PM All we are saying... is give Meese a chance. Imagine World Meese. Good, I've been starting to get sick wearing the same thing here all the time. Casual Fridays refers more to more casual beatings and slightly more relaxed imprisonment. But you can wear shorts and flip-flops to these activities. Drab, institutional grey shorts and flip-flops.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:13 PM

By the way, your Lawyer Star Wars entry made it in to the Best of Hyperspace section of the next issue of Star Wars Insider #87!

Woohoo!! Join Justin in the less-frequent beatings line! :0) No imprisonment for Bonnie! for..awhile.

:0) thanks! actually that's really cool. I'm going to see that you get nice, unused flip-flops for that. One's that fit and everyting.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:20 PM

What if we give you all the Pine Cones on the Earth? Every year we'll put them on a huge platter.....somewhere in.......Canada! Huh? How 'bout that?

Canada...used as a platter...that's just crazy enough to work...

Make to me a mighty sacrifice.

I will only support you if I am your second in command and I can have chocolate and chips with that beer!

As long as you realize that second in command is in charge of cleaning the royal toilet bowl on a regular basis. I will allow you to use your flip-flops or shorts to do this.

	jedimasterninks
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:25 PM Great! Defietley! I woudl like to propose, your greatness, that I may be one of your Royal Mooserial Guards?

	jedimasterninks
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:25 PM In other words, I'm in.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:32 PM Great! Defietley! I woudl like to propose, your greatness, that I may be one of your Royal Mooserial Guards? Excellent, seize yourself and two other guards and go find Bonnie some nice flip-flops. After you detain thousands of disidents for defying my unstoppable power, of course. In other words, I'm in. You're gellin and at the moment not a felon.

	luuke.skywalker
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:54 PM You there! Texan! Surrender to His Moose-ness! Dude, are you high or something? High indeed. Now grovel! Whatever dude. Methinketh it's not working!

	luuke.skywalker
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:55 PM If only airport security hadn't comfiscated my lightsaber...

	Dark Spork Sporktastic Voyage
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 1:57 PM I, for one, welcome our new bovine overlord.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 2:12 PM You there! Texan! Surrender to His Moose-ness! Remind them if they don't eat their meat, they can't have any pudding. How can they have any pudding if they don't eat their meat?! I, for one, welcome our new bovine overlord. I shall beat you exquisitely. Here's yer flip-flops. :0)

	cayleldar 12 Parsecs or Bust (or) the Sith Who Knew Too Little
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 2:15 PM Umm.......So........Ah to heck with it, we're in your Mooseship. "May the Force be with me, myself, and I"

	Darth Vadere The View of the Vu'traat Tay'haai
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 2:36 PM All hail the New Order.

solsticedawn
His men will follow him anywhere, ner vod. But only out of a sense of curiosity.

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 2:42 PM

Dark Spork just called you a bovine! He's a cervid; deciduous antlers, not attached horns! Whew. 4H coming back to haunt me.

So, on the M and Ms - do I get extra points for the limited edition dark chocolate version? I still have 10 or so pounds in chocolate storage.

Dark Chocolate for a Dark Moose in Dark Times? Can I have that imprinted as a secondary line on my beer cozy?

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 3:15 PM

Ah to heck with it, we're in your Mooseship.

Standby to be enslaved. Ok done.

All hail the New Order.

Hail to the moose, he's our antlered evil master, Hail to the moose and prepare to be enslaved..

Dark Spork just called you a bovine! He's a cervid; deciduous antlers, not attached horns!

I'm not sure I like being called a cervid. More beatings for you.

Dark Chocolate for a Dark Moose in Dark Times? Can I have that imprinted as a secondary line on my beer cozy?

I can actually have it done on your forehead next to the barcode if you like. Lemme know..

	Rive Caedo Rive's Uncharted Settlements
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 3:24 PM I, for one, welcome our new bovine overlord. Dagnabit! People always beating me to posting what I think of before I think of it! Fine I'll just serve up a question. Since all beer products are to be shipped off to our new Grand Imperious Overlord... What do we use the coozy for? Do I want to know?

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 3:24 PM

So, on the M and Ms - do I get extra points for the limited edition dark chocolate version? I still have 10 or so pounds in chocolate storage.

Relinqish them to me and I shall grant you ..oh who am I kidding. I'll grant you nothing and you'll like it! Gimme! Guards, seize her candy! Mine!

Also, I should let you know I've decided I'll make Dark Spork my evil henchperson enforcer. She will henceforth be known as one of my Hooves. This will not entail bathroom duties.

Do what must be done, Dark Spork. Show no mercy..unless its Casual Friday, of course.

The Dark Moose
Moose Poodoo

date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 3:27 PM

Fine I'll just serve up a question. Since all beer products are to be shipped off to our new Grand Imperious Overlord... What do we use the coozy for?
Do I want to know

It will serve as an ongoing reminder of your sacrifice to the New Moose Order, and in no way will be viewed as a continuity error.

I shall now have you Imprisobeaten for asking too many questions. And Imprisobeaten is now like a new word and stuff for whoever's taking care of the dictionaries.

	The Dark Moose Moose Poodoo
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 3:33 PM Um...after I'm elected, of course. So vote for me! I'll be you're evil overlord huckleberry!

	natesmama The Matriarch Says...
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 5:12 PM Fine... I'll be the Imperial Archivist and jot down your new words. But would you slow down a bit? I'm kinda swamped.

	Zak Vorkon The blog of a Balosar
date Posted: Apr 07, 2006 5:19 PM Dark Moose for Emperor of the First Galactic Empire of the Universe! Can I be one of your Royal Mooserial Guards too? Also, If you ban hyperspace, how can you conquer the rest of the known universe? You could ban PUBLIC access to hyperspace, but use it for your armies to conquer other planets.

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