You know, when you're a semi-unfamous halfway unknown online personality to a relatively specialized cross-section of the Internet community, you have to take special care to maintain complete anonymity. Which thankfully is not that difficult, but all the same - it's still the code of all alter-egos. Even alter-egos steeped in mediocrity and obscurity.

Think of it this way. If you're an ultra-famous alter-ego, then you need anonymity to protect yourself. If you're a completely unknown alter-ego, the protection is really more or less from yourself.

And so I continue my lonely life of icognito geekery.

But, as all alter-egos do, you try to take certain highly privileged people into your inner-most circle of trust. This is also part of the code of alter-egos. Even alter-egos steeped in mediocrity and obscurity.

And so here is just a sampling of things that have been said to me when I try to explain to my super double-secret probation extra-hyper clandestine group of confidants comprised of friends, family, hapless acqaintences, confused strangers, romantic interests, bartenders, and basically anyone that would listen to me, that my true identity is...

T h e D a r k M o o s e....
(echo echo echo ...)

"So is that why your phone plays that Star Wars song? You'll never get a date with that ringer, dude."

"Why a moose? God you're weird."

"How old are you?"

"Uh huh. oo hey I think that's my social life, gotta go."

"Ah. That's my cue to ignore you."

"That's awesome! You're so cool! So do I get the 10 bucks now?"

"No one even calls you 'moose'. I don't get it."

"Star Wars has a website?"

"Hey, just because I'm a Unix programmer doesn't mean I'm a geekwad."

"I was wondering where that smell of desperation was coming from."

"You'll excuse me if I now point at your head and laugh loudly in front of other people."

"Don't you have work to do?"

"I don't understand...you..modulate..what?"

"I'm truly sorry to hear that."

"Hmm. So that actually makes sense in you-ville."

"Uh-huh. Moose. Dark Moose. Riiight....ok...Star ..Wars...message board...banning..threads...oh I see THE Dark Moose...uh-huh....well that's my limit for random distribution of nouns, sorry..."

"You really shouldn't talk when you've had beer."

"I don't understand why this is a big secret. And yet I do."

"Fresh air, dude. Look into it."

"Do I know you? No, I mean as of 5 minutes ago."

"And I always thought you were so...almost...normal.."

"I can see you'd like me to care. Which is a shame."

"I'm there for you man. I'm a...you know...(look both ways) ...trki...I said Trekkie, ok? Tell anyone and you die."

"And I was just about to introduce you to this girl...but...that's all changed now, hasn't it?"

"Alright Luke Skyloser, that's what we call 'TMSI'..'Too Much Stupid Information.."

"You know Zoloft is more effective than Paxil in cases like yours.."

"Dark Moose? Hi. I'm creeped out, how are you?"

"I'm soo....disappointed..."

"Gee that's great. I'm Annoyed-Moose. Now go away."

"I've told you about saying stuff like that in front of women, now haven't I?"

"I still don't get the moose thing."

and worse of all...

[apathetic and uncomfortable silence...]


But that's Ok. I bet it's just like this for Superman. Which is why I don't know who he really is.

Dark Moose out