You know, I've always considered the prequal trilogy to be simple and easy to follow. It makes perfect sense to me. When my buddy Palpatine says his negotiations will not fail, I know exactly what he means.

But apparently, some folks had trouble making out what he was going on about, exactly. Just today a relative asked me who the heck these Seperatist dudes are, and what they're doing in Star Wars.

So, if you giggle uncertainly every time somebody mentions their negotiations, and you haven't a clue that there's a war on, after all, then allow me to educate you.

Ready? Let's go!

PALPATINE

'Palpatine is Sidious. The Chancellor is the Sith Lord.'

Anakin Skywalker says that in the ROTS novelization. Palpatine is a Sith Lord of immense power, and equal cunning. He knows a lot about psychology, and - as Wikipedia puts it - "he had the ability to foresee countless possible futures, so that he could manipulate events."

In other words, he's a killer politician. But in The Phantom Menace, he's just a Senator. The prequals tell the story of how Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader, but they also tell the story of how Palpatine destroys the Jedi and become Emperor.

Here's how he starts...

1) He secretly spreads rumors about Chancellor Valorum donating to terrorist groups, so the Senate thinks, We really want this guy as our leader? He tells the Trade Federation to blockade Naboo in protest against the Senate's new trade levies.

2) When Valorum sends two Jedi Knights - Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi - to handle things, he tells the Neimodians to kill them and invade Naboo. Of course, as a powerful Senator, he can ensure the Senate won't move against the Trade Federation too quickly.

3) On Coruscant, Queen Amidala calls for a vote of no confidence, and the Senate decides to elect a new Chancellor. Obviously, they choose Palpatine. The rest of The Phantom Menace is details. The moment Amidala moved for a vote of no confidence, Darth Sidious won.

COUNT DOOKU

But it was by no means all happy for the new Chancellor. As luck would have it, some strapping young Jedi named Kenobi decided to kill Darth Maul, Palpatine's apprentice.

Count Dooku is a Jedi Master who leaves the Jedi Order between Episodes I and II. Palpatine recruits him as an apprentice, and he forms the Confederacy.

Here's what happens next:

4) Dooku arranges for assasination attempts to made on Padme Amidala, who has now taken the Chancellor's place as Senator. However, Palpatine requests she be guarded by two Jedi - Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

5) The Jedi Council gives Obi-Wan a task: finding out who's responsible for the attempts on Padme's life, and bringing them to justice. This task brings him to Kamino, where he finds a massive clone army being built for the Republic.

6) Obi-Wan, Anakin and Padme are all captured on Geonosis. They are to be executed. The Senate grants Palpatine emergency supreme powers, which he uses to create an official Army of the Republic from the clones on Kamino.

7) The Clone Wars begin. This is only an epic struggle between Palpatine's Galactic Republic and Dooku's Confederacy of Independent Systems by appearance. In actual fact, both governments are controlled by Palpatine.

AND THE REVENGE OF THE SITH

But why? Why would Palpatine want to engineer a war? What does he gain by it?

8) The Clone Wars allow Chancellor Palpatine to introduce dozens of "security measures" and amendments to the constitution - measures and amendments which in fact simply give him and the Office of the Chancellor more power.

9) The events of Revenge of the Sith take place three years after Attack of the Clones. By that time, Palpatine is pretty much in control of everything. He rules the galaxy, but he still has to give the impression of democracy.

By the time the credits role on ROTS, he will have:

10) Converted Anakin Skywalker to the dark side.

11) Wiped out those pesky Jedi.

12) "Won" the "war."

13) Destroyed the Republic and formed a Galactic Empire.

And that happens in 24 hours.

One day. We've been waiting how long now?!