"Mo Bushnell was not happy.

Not happy at all.

With a wheezing gust from his 84-year-old lungs, the opinionated former Ashtabula steelworker had managed to blow out all the candles on his large chocolate layer cake. But it was abundantly clear that Bushnell's birthday wish would not be coming true.

Not this year.

Not ever."

Read more "anecdotal leads for news stories reporting the end of the world" here:

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/7/14seely.html