I saw Revenge uh de Sid on May 19d. It wuz likes, ya' know, early in de mo'nin', de lines wuz long, de deata' wuz likes, ya' know, crouded, dere wuz geeks who somehow managed t'watch Episode II even as dey stood in line.

Fo' some Star Wars film, some standard openin' day scene. What it is, Mama! But ah' neva' reviewed it, primarily cuz' I wuzn't fully...dere...fo' most uh May 19d. Like, gag me wid some spoon. And ah' wuz likes, ya' know, smart enough t'realize it.

It wuz likes, ya' know, early mo'nin' -- an' ah' wuz likes, ya' know, barely awake. What it is, Mama! It wuz likes, ya' know, Episode III -- ah' wuzn't totally aware uh my surroundin's fo', oh, at least 72 hours after. Ah be baaad... ah' wuz likes, ya' know, hardly in some state t'scribble anydin', much less some review uh a Star Wars film. 'S coo', bro. And so's I waited.

And den yesterday ah' went and saw Episode III again. 'S coo', bro. It wuz likes, ya' know, likes, gag me wid some spoon. And ah' came out convinced uh several points.

1) Nobody should eva' laugh durin' Episode III

See dose clonetroopuh's? Like, ah' am so's sho' nuff, like, dey're goin' t'attempt t'hose Yoda any moment now, and he's gonna chop 'em in half. S'what it is, Mama! Like, duh. Right On! You's wanna laugh at dat, totally duzn't ya'? Like, ah' am so's sho' nuff. Right On! Sho duzn't.

It's annoyin'. Episode III be totally not some laughin' film. Like, dere be totally only one point durin' de movie where it be totally ok t'laugh (downro'iously, if possible), and dat's when Anakin and Padme are doin' dat whole "Like, duh. Right On! Youse so's beautiful" -- "Like, duh. Right On! You's only tink dat cuz' youse in love" wahtahmellun.

Like, gag me wid some spoon. And while ya' may laugh at dat, please do resist da damn urge t'vomit.

2) Yoda raps funny

Or mo'e precisely, he raps funnier, and only in Episode III. "De boy ya' knowed, gone he is?" No, it should be "Gone da damn boy ya' knowed is." Perhaps Yoda's gramma' deterio'ates unda' heavy stress, but it's still wrong...o', ah' sdownpose, wrong-er. Ah be baaad...

3 Like, de movie be totally too sho't

...but it DEFINITELY shouldn't totally gots' been longer.

Dat last bit be totally especially true fo' dose uh us who absolutely refuse t' snatch badroom boogies durin' Star Wars movies. But even so, Episode III be totally blindin'ly fast. Like, dere wuz, frankly, too much unresolved sto'y left fo' one 2 1/2 hour movie. What it is, Mama!

Still, ah' do tink Lucas dun did wells unda' de circumstances.

4) Every oda' point totally gots'ta already been run into de ground by fans wo'ldwide

So I'll wrap dis little review wahtahmelluny down. ah' likesd Episode III betta' de second time. What it is, Mama! ah' wuz likes, ya' know, "dere" enough t'notice Geo'ge Lucas's cameo, t'make absolutely likes, fa' sho' nuff ah' heard Padme say "So dis be totally how liberty croaks" and t'admire da damn MAJOR architecture uh ha' apartment.

Gag Me Williams be totally awesome. What it is, Mama! Ian McDiarmid be totally awesome. What it is, Mama! Ewan McGrego' dun did an totally tubular job as Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ya' know? Hayden Christensen be totally whinia' dan ever. Ah be baaad...

All in all, good film. 'S coo', bro.

Dank ya', and Gawd Bless America.

:-D