A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... I posted a bunch of these on some of the sw.com message boards. Since those pages are long forgotten, I thought it was time to bring these back. They have been living on another blog site of mine for a while, but no one goes there!! Enjoy!!

The first 2 skits are "original" spoofs on the Dave Chapelle Show's "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories"

RICK JAMES:
Luke Skywalker: So I go to his crib on Cloud City and says he's gonna freeze me...
Darth Vader: heh heh, yeah, cocaine will make you say some pretty crazy [stuff].
Luke: ...but I escape. Now we're out in this control booth and when I'm not lookin', he yells "Luke Skywalker!" and sucker punches me with his luggage....
Vader: I would never do something like that, Skywalker is talking trash, I don't remember ever hitting him with my luggage. ... Yeah, I remember flinging my suitcases at him...
Luke: ...so then he's all up in my face sayin' "who's your daddy?" and cuts off my hand and I'm like "dude, I'm gonna [freakin'n] jump if you don't shut up..."
Vader: ...and he's all like "Oh, boo hoo, my daddy is the most powerful guy in the universe and he hasn't even bought me a porsche yet." If he didn't jump, I was gonna push him off myself.
Luke: ...and what does that strung out jerk say to me as i'm falling to certain death?
I'M DARTH VADER, B#$%#!"

* * * * * * * * *

"WAYNE BRADY"
Darth Vader: Thanks for comin' out to the Death Star, sister, the last of the Jedi, we have to stick together.
Leia: (thumps herself on the chest) The last of the Jedi, man. Hey wait, that was the turn for our restaurant.
Vader: I know, but we're going somewhere else.
[stops the Death Star and calls up Bail Organa on the view screen]
Vader: Hey, Bail! Got somethin' for ya!
[POW! Alderaan destroyed]
Leia: (distraught) I can't believe you did that, man! You're crazy! Can we stop at the next bank planet? I need to get some cash.
[Vader parks the Death Star at Tatooine and transports up the 3 backup singers in Sy Snoodles band]
Vader: What'cha got for me tonight, b*****s? Oh right, how rude, b*****s Leia, Leia b*****s.
Leia: Run, b*****s! Run for your life!
Vader: This is all you've got for me tonight? Is Darth Vader gonna have to choke a b****?
Leia: I'm ready to go home now...
Vader: Whatever.
[galaxy patrol stops the Death Star and boards]
Vader: What seems to be the problem?
Galaxy Police: Sir, can I see your permit for this thing? You are in violation of code TS-872: driving your planet out of orbit.
Vader: Of course officer (hands over his ID).
Galaxy Police: Hey, no way! You're Darth Vader!
[Vader blushes under his helmet and nods].
Galaxy Police: Wow! I can't believe it! Can you....you know....?
Vader: (sighs) Of course! [in his best imitation of himself] "YOU ARE PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND A TRAITOR, TAKE HER AWAY!"
Galaxy Police: Oh, man! My mother-in-law loves that part! She's never gonna believe........ugh!
[Darth Vader Force-Chokes the officer and he falls to the floor dead]
Leia: You don't have to drop me off anywhere, i'll just go back to my cell if that's ok....
Vader: I'll take you.
[They stand by her open cell door]
Vader: Hey, Leia, I had a great time tonight. Last of the Jedi - (he thumps his chest)
Leia: Last of the Jedi, man [she half-heartedly thumps her chest and tries to skitter away]
Vader: Oh, Leia, one last thing - [lightening bolts shoot from his fingertips]
I'M DARTH VADER, B****!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

DANCING WITH THE STARS:
Darth Vader: I have a job to and that's win this competition
Subjugated partner: My former partner, Obi-Wan, once thought as he did.
Darth Vader: I've learned the steps, modified my costume and taken a leave of absense
from military duty: I've sacrificed a lot to be here.
Subjugated partner: I now know the power of the darkside.
Darth Vader: So if it means breaking a few rules and using an old Jedi Mind Trick to get
twinkle toes over here to cooperate, well, then,that's the chance I have to take.
Subjugated partner: I MUST obey my master.