I try very hard not to write too personal entries here on this blog - I usually save those for my blogspot or xanga blogs where there's a very small core of people who read them. A fellow musician/songwriter friend of mine once said he admired how I can wear my heart on my sleeve through my lyrics because he could never find the courage to do that. Sure, I can do it, but sometimes I worry that I do it too much. Maybe I leave myself vunerable to being hurt and deserve what I get.

And I do believe that I deserve every last ounce of what I got by opening myself up to a certain sw.com member named Amidalooine in May 2005. I had joined sw.com way back in January 2000 shortly after purchasing TPM on VHS. A very good friend of mine was a member of the SW Fan Club, passing along his copies of the Insider to me after he finished reading them. Of course, he wanted them all back, but it was so fun to see that being a fan wasn't something to be ashamed of. It was fun! It was a path to strengthening our friendship, in fact.

Being on sw.com back at the turn of the century wasn't exactly all that it is today. I surfed around a bit, learned about the "new" movie & was happy. I never dreamed that this would turn out to be the diving board from which I'd plunge into the deep end of friendship.

Perhaps getting to know people here on sw.com (or anywhere on the internet for that matter) ensures that we all share a common thread - Star Wars. But, we get a stripped down version of real people - getting to know their intellect & humor before seeing a face and making judgements on face value. This is a great place for people like me to censor what they say so they don't totally expose themselves.

I returned to sw.com briefly in 2002 to read news about the release of AOTC but didn't stay. It wasn't until ROTS in 2005 that I appeared on the sw.com doorstep with suitcases & a box of cookies. Mostly, I was shocked that Padme had died at the end of the movie & needed to find people with which to commisserate. I found someone named Amidalooine here on the boards. Sure we spent the first few days banding together against the evil jkthunder & her totally rational logic on the subject. I'm guessing that wasn't enough to form a real frienship, but suddenly I found myself emailing with Ami, telling her I was traveling to her homeworld for the funeral of my grandmother. We had only known each other a week or so when that happened, so a meeting seemed totally out of the question. Ami was the very first person I'd met online who suddenly I was emailing, so the thought of meeting was a bit unsettling.

But I had a gut feeling that she wasn't an axe murderer or canibal. And my gut was right.

As the months went on, we discovered we had a lot in common from our parenting woes, family conflicts, philosophies on life & love & friendship, but most of all, we connected on a level that not everyone can connect. In May 2005 I was at my lowest - feeling sorry for myself that I was living in a town where I didn't fit in, where I couldn't find work, where I was in many ways "trapped" in my house not by my choice but because others labeled & compartmentalized me the way they thought I should be.

Like Leia trapped in her prison cell in ANH, staring at smooth metal walls, nothing to do but lie down & wait for the next taunting torture to come her way, the door slid open & in walked this new friend: "I'm Amidalooine, I'm here to rescue you." And that she did.

It's been almost exactly 2 years to the day that Ami & I met here at sw.com. We've experienced quite a bit "together" yet apart during that time. She knows things about me that no one else knows. And she knows about these things on a level that I can't imagine opening up to other people. For once in my life, something good happened when I needed it the most.

On May 12, I found myself walking through the Venetian hotel on my cell phone looking for Ami & Mr. 'looine. I had a panic moment: I've seen so many pictures of my friend but will I recognize her in real life? My fears were laid aside when I rounded the turn & I immediately spotted her in the crowd. How could I have ever doubted? That "famous smile" that I have declared "the best smile ever" was beaming at me through the crowd. We practically ran at each other hugging so tight I felt like we would never let go. Just for good measure we hugged a 2nd time - confirming that this was for real.

Like Ami said in her blog, we talked so much during those couple hours down on the strip poor Mr. 'looine didn't stand a chance! I brought her back to my house to prove that we weren't lunatics & fed them food that was not poisoned. We chatted for a few hours & then all too soon it was Padawan-Wan's bedtime & they were on their way. I feel pretty certain that if Ami & I lived within 25 miles of each other we'd probably get together every single day. 50 miles & we'd do it every other day. 100 miles.... well you get the idea.

This wasn't a meeting of new friends to be sure. I most certainly cannot wait until the next visit we have with each other. Until then, we'll have to keep on the way we've been on the phone & by email, here & sw.com and of course at our bi-annual Ax Murderers Anonymous meetings.