Yes, I'm still alive. I'm a little disappointed that there weren't probe droids scouting my home or TIE Fighters buzzing my house to see if I was around. But whatever, I can be a bit selfish & brooding all alone with my Cure albums once in a while, right?!!

Actually, I have to admit, I was staying away from the blogs for a while on purpose. Everyone (and I mean it feels like EVERYONE!) went to C4 in May except me. Sure, LA is only a few hundred miles away from my home here in Vegas. Yeah, I have a college friend who lives in LA whose door is always open when we want to visit. But, um... the life of a musician is hard. Not that we're scraping the barrel or anything, but I don't have a steady gig or a salary or benefits or anything a "normal" job gets you. I work when I get a call, I get paid when I work & then I can pay some bills with the money I earn. Or if I'm really lucky, I can do something really exciting with the money like buy some new shoes.

So the weekend of C4 I had to work. Some of you know that shortly after arriving in Vegas I did land a "regular" gig with The Phantom of the Opera production at the Venetian Resort, Hotel & Casino. I am a "sub" with the pit orchestra meaning that I am one of 3 people who play the oboe part down in that black hole beneath the stage. The regular player (who happens to be my college best friend) hired me in August & once a month whether she likes it or not, I am required to play one show. Usually, though it works out that I play 3 or 4 in a month. After all, she has a life & kids & family and 10 to 12 shows a week is a lot for a single mom! I'm happy to work, obviously, and the weekend of C4 was no exception. I was happily working down there in the dark, sucking dry ice smoke through my oboe for 95 minutes twice that weekend. It's such a cool job!!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, right, C4. So it feels like everyone around here was able to go to the convention except me. It feels like that when you've got no one to chat with in IM or blogs to read, but especially when the blogs popping up are all "Check out my C4 Live Journal!" or "Check out my C4 video!" or "Look at my C4 pictures!!" It sure makes a girl feel about |----this----| big. It's no one's fault, it's really Robert Smith's fault, I was doing ok until I started listening to Disintegration on my iPod. Which, by the way, has died. A horrible horrible death... I'll have to play at least one more gig to replace it... until then, I'm doomed to use those round shiny things, what are they called? CT's? CV's? Ugh. I forget. Where are my cassettes?

It's hard to be excited about things that you can't be a part of. Yeah, this is the teenager in me coming out. *whine*whimper*sob* Poor Me, couldn't go to C4. Yeah, I felt sorry for myself, but it was easier just to tune out & let the blogosphere do it's thing while I locked myself in my metaphorical bedroom.

I admit, I read a bunch of blogs, checked out many pictures, but often didn't leave comments. I mean, what does one say? "Loved the pictures, wish I had been there." But how many times can you say that? For me, I think it was 3 times, then I gave up.

Yes, I wish I'd been to C4. All of you who went were extremely lucky! I'm not jealous of those of you who had your pictures taken with Carrie Fisher (even though I am), I'm not jealous of you who had your books & comics signed (but I am), I'm not jealous that you got to see all the exhibits, hear the celebrities speak or dress up in your awesome costumes (of course I am). What I am the most jealous of is that you got to meet each other. I have met several sw.com members over the last year and a half and I know how awesome it feels. I can't imagine what it feels like to be in a room full of the people I know so well from here.

Now THAT is what had me hiding in my hole the last month. Plain good old fashioned jealousy.





But not so far from the surface, I really am just so happy for everyone.